Anything I can do without sleep training?

[Catlikereactions]

My 8mo is currently waking up every 2 hours at least. His sleep has generally been bad but have had some promising weeks at times where he’s woken only once or twice. Other than this, it’s pretty consistently every 2 hours that he wakes up.

I dont want to sleep train (yet anyway!) but wonder if there’s anything else I can do to help sleep?

I don’t want to co sleep as I find I actually sleep worse…
he’s breastfed exclusively. used to self settle but teething ruined that! Not that it helped night wakes anyway when he did self settle
I feed him to sleep every time he wakes up as it’s just so hard to get him to sleep by patting etc

has anyone in a similar situation done anything and seen a tangible improvement? Otherwise when did yours sleep through the night?? I need some hope!

[WhatWouldYouDo33]

Not what you want to hear but you need to stop breastfeeding in the night. No 8m needs to feed in the night, at that age my DC fed before going to sleep and then again in the morning. You have to teach him how to go to sleep without nipple, but seems like you are dead against sleep training so not sure what else to suggest?
Also there are lots of gentle methods of sleep training.

[WhatWouldYouDo33]

Feeding to sleep is not self settling btw

[JellyMouldJnr]

I found the book the no cry sleep solution invaluable for gentle steps towards better sleep

[Philandbill]

Calories aren't the only reason babies feed through the night @WhatWouldYouDo33 .
My two didn't sleep either but I co-slept and that helped to get me through but I understand if you don't find that works for you. Honestly, acceptance that it was for a tiny proportion of our lives was also helpful. I read something along the lines of "nobody has a right to eight hours sleep and that was oddly helpful too. This too will pass.

[Chocolatehobnobs25]

He’s far too young to night wean at 8 months, recommended age is 18 months for breastfed babies I think. I was in a VERY similar situation 6 weeks ago. Follow Doze sleep coaching on insta- we booked a consultation with them and tweaked routine and calculated day sleep vs night sleep. Now getting 3-4 hour stretches most of the time. On a good night just 3 wakes which is game changing compared to the hourly wakes we were having. I still feed to sleep in the night but have worked on self settling for naps and bedtime and it seems to have helped. I sympathise- it’s so tough!

[WhatWouldYouDo33]

Where exactly is night weaning not recommended until 18 months? What nonsense!

[Catlikereactions]

@WhatWouldYouDo33

Feeding to sleep is not self settling btw

FYI - by self settling I would feed him, after which he would be wide awake. I’d put him in the cot, and he would chat away for a few mins before drifting off. Aka - self settling

[Beginningless]

With my first I was very anti sleep training. We did co sleep, also bf. She didn’t sleep through reliably til she was 3. I think the first time it ever happened was 18mo.

By second baby I was yet again being woken 4-6 times a night and by 9 months I knew I would die if I didn’t do something differently! We did a gentler sleep training - the book was Lucy Wolfe sleep solution. Stayed beside her and patted, sang etc but didn’t pick up. Slowly withdrew presence from the room over weeks. It wasn’t easy but felt acceptable to me as I was there and comforting her, and I could see that she was mainly confused and angry that we weren’t doing things how we had done til then. Not abandoned and not ‘learning not to cry because nobody comes’ that’s trotted out.

I felt it was part of a wider experience of teaching boundaries kindly. I’m here supporting you to get your head around this and learn how to get yourself back to sleep, I know this is hard for you, but I’m not doing it for you anymore. Kinda thing. I was a far better mum to everyone when I wasn’t destroyed by sleep deprivation. My eldest daughters first year was fairly traumatic due to it, unfortunately.

[WhatWouldYouDo33]

@Philandbill

Calories aren't the only reason babies feed through the night @WhatWouldYouDo33 .
My two didn't sleep either but I co-slept and that helped to get me through but I understand if you don't find that works for you. Honestly, acceptance that it was for a tiny proportion of our lives was also helpful. I read something along the lines of "nobody has a right to eight hours sleep and that was oddly helpful too. This too will pass.

Yes I know but it’s far healthier for a baby and their brain development to get a 6-8 hours sleep in a row instead of waking every 2-3 hours to feed. A healthy and normal weight 8 month old can easily go 6-8 hours without milk. If they are used to using the nipple as a dummy, that’s a different issue. No need to be a martyr everyone is doing much better if they get proper sleep and an 8 month old can easily get used to sleeping withoit a nipple.

[Beginningless]

@WhatWouldYouDo33

Yes I know but it’s far healthier for a baby and their brain development to get a 6-8 hours sleep in a row instead of waking every 2-3 hours to feed. A healthy and normal weight 8 month old can easily go 6-8 hours without milk. If they are used to using the nipple as a dummy, that’s a different issue. No need to be a martyr everyone is doing much better if they get proper sleep and an 8 month old can easily get used to sleeping withoit a nipple.

A nipple isn’t a replacement for a dummy though, it’s the other way round.

[Catlikereactions]

I’ve been sent a guide by sombelle which essentially is patting then waiting an interval and patting again etc. has anyone tried this or something similar? Sounds similar to what you tried beginningless

[Chocolatehobnobs25]

@WhatWouldYouDo33

Where exactly is night weaning not recommended until 18 months? What nonsense!

Edited

Pretty universally by IBCLC Lactation consultants. Babies also don’t use nipples as dummies. Dummies replicate nipples- it’s why they were designed.

[3luckystars]

Time is the only cure.

I could never ‘sleep train’ I don’t have it in me to let them cry. All the best.

[EdithGrantham]

Do you think you could manage co-sleeping if he was in a cot "side-carred" to your bed so you each had your own space?

[Catlikereactions]

@EdithGrantham

Do you think you could manage co-sleeping if he was in a cot "side-carred" to your bed so you each had your own space?

He used to be (has massively outgrown it - he’s a big baby) but it didn’t help night wakes

[EdithGrantham]

@Catlikereactions

He used to be (has massively outgrown it - he’s a big baby) but it didn’t help night wakes

If you have a cot-bed you can set it up with one side off next to your bed in the same way as a bedside crib but obviously if that wouldn't help night wakes then maybe there's no point. Honestly with my DD the only thing that helped was time, she's just over 2.5 now and only needs cuddles to go back to sleep, albeit in my bed! And co-sleeping, I slept horribly when she was latching on and off but could at least doze through it. Good luck with whatever you decide to go for

[Catlikereactions]

I just worry about going back to work which I do in August, did anyone find sleep gradually improved at least? I don’t need perfection but 2 night wakes consistently would be a dream!

I just feel like if I did sleep training I’d regret it and that’s not how I want to feel about my parenting

[EdithGrantham]

I took a wait and see, change nothing approach and just hoped that sleep would improve on its own thinking each time "well it's still another X months until I go back to work" or "last rough spot only lasted a few weeks so I can get through this one" As it happened it didn't just keep improving exponentially but went in waves, at 2yo when she wanted to be latched on for 4-6 hours at a time is when I did something more pro-active by partly night-weaning but she was able to understand when I said "This is the last one" before giving her one more feed.

[kelsaycobbles]

I think others are right in that it's partly habit

Will child take a bottle - can you start to use that at night ? (Express ?) and water down gradually?

[WhatWouldYouDo33]

@Catlikereactions

I just worry about going back to work which I do in August, did anyone find sleep gradually improved at least? I don’t need perfection but 2 night wakes consistently would be a dream!

I just feel like if I did sleep training I’d regret it and that’s not how I want to feel about my parenting

I don’t know what you are expecting. Unless you teach him to self settle and not feed in the night, it won’t gradually improve. My friend’s DS woke every 2 hours until he was 2 and she nearly had a breakdown and sleep trained.

how do you know you will regret it if you haven’t researched gentle methods and tried? We are not evil witches who let their babies cry for hours!

[kelsaycobbles]

Sleep training isn't leaving baby to cry for hours - it's teaching them how to sleep which may involve short periods of crying. Like any teaching it can be done well, badly or cruelly

Like any learning experience it may be painful to some degree. As it's not exactly how your child wants things now they will cry but that's not cruelty - it's communication. You shouldn't shield your child from anything that might upset them in the short term because one way we grow as people - by pushing through difficult times ( mum not responding instantly, or studying for an exam , or coping with death - we need to build the ability to be upset and change ) .

Balance. Care. Age appropriate. Achievable.

[Beginningless]

@kelsaycobbles

Sleep training isn't leaving baby to cry for hours - it's teaching them how to sleep which may involve short periods of crying. Like any teaching it can be done well, badly or cruelly

Like any learning experience it may be painful to some degree. As it's not exactly how your child wants things now they will cry but that's not cruelty - it's communication. You shouldn't shield your child from anything that might upset them in the short term because one way we grow as people - by pushing through difficult times ( mum not responding instantly, or studying for an exam , or coping with death - we need to build the ability to be upset and change ) .

Balance. Care. Age appropriate. Achievable.

I agree. My children cry when they want to eat sweets before lunch and I say no. Its easy to be afraid of crying in babies but it’s normal for young children to cry when struggling, it’s ok. When they are trying to master a new skill like learning to swim, there are highs and lows of emotion as they get upset when they can’t do it, but with support keep trying and build their confidence. Many skills my kids would have given up or taken the easiest path, had I not guided them. Honestly sleep is like this. It’s just until we have these kind of kids who don’t sleep (not everyone is blessed with this particular challenge ), we don’t realise that it’s a teachable skill and learning new skills needs a lot of adult support when you are wee.

[Tarantella6]

My eldest is 10 and we could not bear to let her cry. The result? She still doesn't know how to go to sleep. She's regularly awake until gone 10pm because she doesn't sleep until she's exhausted.

@kelsaycobbles is right, you will teach dc to ride a bike and to swim and to do their times tables and for some children sleep is no different. And there are loads of ways to do it, you can take the "throw them in a quarry, they'll figure out front crawl eventually" approach or you can do it more constructively. But sleep training isn't necessarily an evil thing to do.

[Catlikereactions]

@WhatWouldYouDo33

I don’t know what you are expecting. Unless you teach him to self settle and not feed in the night, it won’t gradually improve. My friend’s DS woke every 2 hours until he was 2 and she nearly had a breakdown and sleep trained.

how do you know you will regret it if you haven’t researched gentle methods and tried? We are not evil witches who let their babies cry for hours!

he did fully self settle (ie from being put in the cot fully awake to falling asleep by himself) at bedtime and during the night every time pre teething for a good 2 months, it did nothing for night wakings.. as I mentioned in the original post.

[DGPP]

Gosh I hate some of the replies on here. OP it WILL improve on its own regardless of what you do. Your baby’s brain is not being affected by lack of sleep. I’ve 3 and bf them all until 16 months, all fed or rocked to sleep until that point. Then I night weaned and switched to cuddling back to sleep etc, patting and shushing for a few months. All now sleep through the night no issues and have for ages! It will get better, hang in there. Your baby is too young yet to night wean as a bf baby. I’m proud of never having left a baby to cry in the night, I don’t believe in it. Also, they are doing incredibly well at school despite being poor sleepers at 8mo