Give me reasons why I should NOT sleep train my baby!

[Peridotty]

Hi! I have a 7 month old baby girl. She only sleeps whilst being held or being in the stroller. For every nap and every bedtime, I have to walk and jiggle her for about 5 mins to get her to fall asleep (this used to be much longer). She is down to 3 naps so it's doable now.
She sleeps 11 hours at night and wakes up a few times a night but settles very quickly back to sleep (comfort feed). Half the night I will sleep with her in my arms because I fall asleep myself but if I am awake then I will put her back into her cot.
Anyway she is 7 months old now and I thought that this was the best time to sleep train?
However, she cannot sleep by herself. I have tried. She will roll and get up, sit up, crawl about, bang her head on the sides, wail hysterically etc etc. It's just much quicker and kinder to just hold her for a few mins or feed her to sleep.
BUT sleep training sounds soooo good in theory. I just want someone to talk me out of it. It doesn't always work does it?

[Harrysmummy246]

Followed Beyond Sleep training project on FB when I knew I couldn't, to give me reassurance that it isn't necessary to sleep train. Tried not to moan here as you tend to be told it's your fault for not sleep training (actually left for quite a while).

Bedshared, went to bed early. Things only really improved after nightweaning at 21 mo (wasn't prepared to do it sooner or faster, and feel right for doing so as there was hardly any upset)

Kept bedsharing. Was tired. Coffee. Gradually wakes reduced. Without really doing anything other than stopping lying with him as he goes to sleep, he's got to lights out (mess a bit), go to sleep without us. Many nights, he sleeps through, or one quick yell for tucking in (yep he can do it himself but can't face arguing at 2 am). And then basically dismisses me by saying night night to me

Had to bring him in with me the other night after a nightmare. Can't believe how tired I was the following day, yet used to carry on as normal for that for about 18 mo.

It doesn't have to be done, and if it feels wrong, don't. While DHs can have opinions, especially if you talk about being tired, ultimately, unless you're both on board with it, it can't/ won't be done.

[Nicknamegoeshere]

We're bedsharers here so don't believe in sleep training! My youngest is 7 months.

[Hellothere19999]

@BathroomWork bless you, your post is heartbreaking, I hope your son is okay now and I also hope you don’t blame yourself, the same things could have happened and it’s unfair that you were blamed. However, showing your mum the recording and her knowing just shows how tough being a new mum is. We’re told so many different things, much the other way we are told that letting them become too attached is also bad, so you can’t win. ❤️ Sending love.

[Peridotty]

@BathroomWork your post is so sad! I hope that you stop blaming yourself. You did what you were told to at the time and it may not have been because of that anyway. I hope your son is now feeling better and getting the help you both need.

[Peridotty]

@Lesserspottedmama yes we have the ergo baby carrier. It’s the most used piece of babygear in this house! She sleeps well in it but it means I’m carrying her for 30 mins to an hour and I can’t use the loo or sit down etc.

[Peridotty]

@Nowisthemonthofmaying thank you for the link!

[Peridotty]

@RandomMess ohhhh that makes sense!!! Can’t believe I didn’t realise that before. I literally thought it was pick up, jiggle a bit and then put down in cot. Didn’t work obviously. Baby would wail as soon as I put her down.

[Peridotty]

@thethoughtfox thanks! I have reserved my copy from the library.

[Peridotty]

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion she is definitely not a good sleeper. In the first hour of sleep she will wake up 3 times and then she will wake up every 1.5-2 hours after that if she is in the cot by herself.
I don’t want to sleep train but I just want to justify that decision. My husband always suggests sleep training when I’m having a moan and say I’m fed up but I don't want to do it. I like the thought of her sleeping through the night without crying but I don’t like the actual sleep training process. I feel bad about not sleep training her though as I read that babies who sleep better have higher IQs!!! Bit of mum guilt here for not helping her to sleep by herself.

[BathroomWork]

My non-sleeping boy just passed the grammar school test, I really wouldn't worry about that!

[BathroomWork]

Thanks for your kindness also

[Liverbird77]

I've not had a chance to read the whole thread yet, op. I have a six not old and I am also struggling getting her to sleep alone. We didn't have any issues with my son...he slept through from nine weeks!! It just goes to show each child is different.

I just wanted to say, having read other posts, swaddling is not safe past eight weeks or first sign or trying to roll, so please don't try that.

[Liverbird77]

And also, co-sleeping is not safe. There is no safe way to do it. Room share, yes. Bed share, no

[Nicknamegoeshere]

@Liverbird77 That is factually incorrect. See UNICEF Guidelines.

[Lelophants]

[quote Peridotty]@Iminaglasscaseofemotion she is definitely not a good sleeper. In the first hour of sleep she will wake up 3 times and then she will wake up every 1.5-2 hours after that if she is in the cot by herself.
I don’t want to sleep train but I just want to justify that decision. My husband always suggests sleep training when I’m having a moan and say I’m fed up but I don't want to do it. I like the thought of her sleeping through the night without crying but I don’t like the actual sleep training process. I feel bad about not sleep training her though as I read that babies who sleep better have higher IQs!!! Bit of mum guilt here for not helping her to sleep by herself.[/quote]
Definitely read the opposite about sleep and iq btw!

You need to listen to your gut. Also every phase does pass, I promise. Do what you will regret the least.

[Caspianberg]

My 8 month old is still a rather terrible sleeper so I’m probably not the best to advice.

However two things have happened recently:

1. he now naps in pram. First I took him out every day when he was tired and walked and walked until he napped. But now I can also just walk him around living room 5/10 mins and he generally snoozes. Means I can actually get some bits done hands free.
   
   
2. he now the last month or so doesn’t fall asleep feeding at night and goes into cot semi awake and settles. We bought jellycat cordy Roy comforters, they make a huge difference
   
   So he still wakes overnight and is fed or in our bed at 5am, but the napping in pram and not needing constant feeding back to sleep has made a world of difference
   
   How is she at napping in pram?

[Lelophants]

There is a lot of pressure to sleep train and no many people talk about when it doesn't work and will put any positive spin on their child's sleep on the training. It can be pretty brutal and of course sleep training parents want to justify what they've done. I've found it helps to find people similar to yourself. Sarah ockwell Smith can be helpful if you join her Instagram and Facebook groups (for lots of things, not just sleep).

At thr end of the day, it's how it's going to affect you.

[Liverbird77]

@Nicknamegoeshere
www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/sleep/Pages/A-Parents-Guide-to-Safe-Sleep.aspx
Nope, not factually incorrect at all. Swaddling after 8 weeks and bed sharing/co sleeping are not safe.
There are many more resources available.

[Harrysmummy246]

[quote Peridotty]@Iminaglasscaseofemotion she is definitely not a good sleeper. In the first hour of sleep she will wake up 3 times and then she will wake up every 1.5-2 hours after that if she is in the cot by herself.
I don’t want to sleep train but I just want to justify that decision. My husband always suggests sleep training when I’m having a moan and say I’m fed up but I don't want to do it. I like the thought of her sleeping through the night without crying but I don’t like the actual sleep training process. I feel bad about not sleep training her though as I read that babies who sleep better have higher IQs!!! Bit of mum guilt here for not helping her to sleep by herself.[/quote]
That's hilarious as my mum was always told about me and my sister, that intelligent babies sleep less and she'd jokingly say she wished we were less clever.

I've got an Oxford degree and she graduated in Architecture from UCL....

[Nicknamegoeshere]

@Liverbird77 Not quite as reliable as UNICEF. Massive advantages of bedsharing safely. As nature intended.

[Nicknamegoeshere]

Luckily health care professionals are also receiving long-overdue updates:

//www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/baby-friendly-resources/sleep-and-night-time-resources/co-sleeping-and-sids/amp/

[Liverbird77]

@Nicknamegoeshere I'll go with the American Academy of Paediatrics over UNICEF.
Failing that, conversations with loss parents.
"As nature intended" is a nonsensical argument, usually also spouted by lactivists.
Adult mattresses just aren't safe for kids under two..they are too soft.
There is a very real risk of the baby being suffocated, even if you sleep in the positions recommended by those in favour of bed sharing.
The only safe sleep space for a baby is in a crib, on their back and alone.
I guess you and me will never agree on this, and I don't want to get into a back and forth.

[Nicknamegoeshere]

@Liverbird77 Yes we will agree to disagree. The SIDS stats nearly always include deaths caused by unsafe co-sleeping e.g. not adhering to the safe seven.
I'm fortunate in that both my midwife for my last baby (also a bedsharer) and my health visitor both fully support safe bedsharing.

[Lelophants]

[quote Liverbird77]@Nicknamegoeshere I'll go with the American Academy of Paediatrics over UNICEF.
Failing that, conversations with loss parents.
"As nature intended" is a nonsensical argument, usually also spouted by lactivists.
Adult mattresses just aren't safe for kids under two..they are too soft.
There is a very real risk of the baby being suffocated, even if you sleep in the positions recommended by those in favour of bed sharing.
The only safe sleep space for a baby is in a crib, on their back and alone.
I guess you and me will never agree on this, and I don't want to get into a back and forth.[/quote]
It is safest only because a lot of people bedshare unsafely. You realise that cultures that routinely cosleep (Japan and Hong Kong for example) have very low sids rates.

[Lelophants]

There is lots of research about the damage of leaving a child to cry. Let's not beat around the bush, you do it because you can't cope with lack of sleep and demands on modern women. It's not better for the child to let them cry. It's always a fine balance and that's why the adult's mental health is prioritised.