Where should DH sleep?

[user1484167681]

Planning ahead, baby is only due in Jan. DH will take his 2 weeks' paternity leave and then take a leave of absence, so he will be at home for the first 8 weeks or so. I'm planning to sleep in our double bed, with baby next to the bed in a cot/crib for easy access for nighttime feeds.

We had assumed DH would stay in the room too, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if we shouldn't set up a mattress in the spare room? Doesn't make any sense for him to be woken every few hours when baby wakes and I'm feeding etc? I'd rather he was well-rested so he can be more useful during the day!

What have others done? How did it work out for you? I'm not keen to kick him out tbh and I don't think he'll be thrilled at the suggestion- he's super keen to be in on the action, but I want to do what's best for our mental and physical health (all 3 of us!) :)

[riddles26]

I agree to take it as it comes. Mine was also off for the first couple of months and we slept in the same room for the overwhelming majority of that time. Really helped to have someone else the first 2 weeks when she just wouldn't be put down at all and I started expressing around then so he could do one night feed allowing me to get a little rest.

We did sleep in separate rooms from around 6 months though as we kept hitting poor sleep due to teething/regression/illness and both agreed it was best one of us slept well and could swap the following night if i was struggling that much (we've only ended up swapping twice and she's now 11 months!)

[museumum]

Mostly all together for the emotional support except for a few weeks around the 12week mark and the occasional night before he had a meeting.

It gets lonely at night otherwise. Also sometimes it’s good to have him resettle or change the baby if you’ve done the feed.

And particularly in the early weeks it’s good to have a shared understanding of what’s going on.

[upsydaisies]

My DH has yet to be woken by our son after three years. I often would stare at him menacingly through the night and then sometimes pull the duvet off him when he kicked the baby out into his own room at 18mths and I had to sleep in the cot.

He might be happy staying. Is it that you have other kids that are small and need help looking after? If not you don’t need him during the day and he’ll still complain he’s tired anyway if he’s like mine. I was soooooo happy when his week of paternity ended and he was back at work during the day because there was one less person for me to look after!

[PassiveAgressiveQueen]

Yep we slept in separate rooms in shifts

[upsydaisies]

I asked my DH about this and if he would have rather had a separate room and he said no. Apparently our son slept through from three weeks old anyway 😯

[user1484167681]

Thanks again, everyone! No, no other small children or anything- it's just the first baby in the family, so we don't have a clue what we're doing, haha... All your insights have been great, I think we'll just have to see what works for us when the time comes. I also need to ask DH what he would prefer! Although I imagine it's easy to say you want to stay in the room until the reality of being woken every two hours hits you...

Also, we have another family member living with us, and (because of the layout of the house) leaving the bedroom significantly increases the risk of disturbing them- which would make me feel bad! Otherwise I'd just be plodding along to the sofa in the living room.

It's interesting to hear the different perspectives of experienced parents though! I will remain open-minded on the matter :)

[MumToaSleepThief]

We have all stayed in the same room. At first DH used to wake (new baby, lots of grunting and snuffling etc) however as I EBF he now doesn't wake. I think he probably half hears the cry but knows its for a feed. BUT its nice to have him in the bed as sometimes when DS has fed every hour throughout the night every 2 hours and won't settle back after a feed I give him a nudge, pass the baby over and tell him its his turn .

On the odd occasion he has had something very important at work, he has slept in the spare room the night before.

TBH during his paternity leave neither of us slept at the same time, we had shifts and took it in turns!

[EmmaJR1]

My Dh stayed in the bed with me and DS was in the Moses basket. It helped us stay connected as a couple rather than just mummy and daddy. Also if I was too sleep
Deprived I just poked him and got him to take ds for an hour so I could really sleep.

[crazychemist]

I'd say set up the spare bed and then see how it goes. My DH does about 4 nights a week in the spare room by choice, but he enjoys being in with us on the other nights.

[arbrighton]

DS (16w) goes into his room when we go to bed, and DH sleeps in the single bed in there while i get a few hours decent deep sleep in our room. He brings ds through on first wake up. If it's a work day, DH then goes to spare room for rest of night. If day off, he stays with ds after feed til next wake up. After that, ds in with me, in co sleeper if a good night or next to me if not, which is partly why no DH.
complex but everyone gets as much sleep as poss. Been doing this probably since about 4 w.

[MyDcAreMarvel]

If your dh isn't working then he should wind and settle the baby after you have finished breastfeeding.

[Merida83]

I have a 4 week old. Like you I have a next to bedside little cot. Husband is still in our bed. Only difference is we've had to swap sides to accommodate cot lol.
Not sure if it would work so well if he wasn't such a sound sleeper tho. He still gets his full 8 hours. The Baby almost never wakes him, literally it's been like twice. And on the odd occasion I've needed help with a vomit based emergency he's woken up got what I needed and was back asleep again before I could even say thanks!

[Merida83]

Just read your second post, my husband who could sleep thro a bombing resorted to sleeping in spare room during last few weeks of my pregnancy as i disturbed him so much lol!