Hang in there - things WILL get better!

[MYA2016]

My ds is 13 months. I've just been reading through a years worth of things I posted, almost all of them sleep related. (I'm bored)

He slept okay ish till he was around 4 months. Don't get me wrong, he'd only sleep on me (bf baby). But he'd sleep well on me throughout the night!

At 4 months life changed. He suddenly started waking, within weeks it was hideous. We were getting 45-60 minute stretches at most.

I began to detest motherhood, detest my baby and longed for my old life. I was absolutely exhausted, felt like I was getting it all wrong. I was told by MIL everyday "I've never know a baby like him, you've produced the most needy baby ever by breastfeeding".

I must have posted a new thread weekly begging for help. I always got conflicting advice as everyone had different babies and different experiences.

This went on till he was around 7.5/8 months. So around 4 months of hell.

Well if I could go back 12 months now, I would tell myself this.

This isn't forever

Sleep deprivation is absolutely awful. But it doesn't last a lifetime. Sometimes it lasts for weeks, for others it's months. Very rarely years. I know the odd person who's 3 year old still wakes but we're talking once a night maybe twice and it's brief.

The 1st year sleep deprivation is truly awful but IT DOES END! I was so hung up on 'bad habits' and the fact my 4 month old wasn't able to self soothe! What 4 month old should self soothe? ! Why should they have to! They're so tiny!

I really found for us that around the 10 month mark things began to change. They start being able to form attachments to teddies which they find comfort in, and they also are able to start to realise that if you leave, you will come back.

I contemplated cry it out so many times and I'm so glad now that I didn't. At 10 months we did 3 nights of controlled crying. It worked a treat BECAUSE HE WAS READY. He quickly learned that we would go back to him and was then confident to fall asleep on his own. He wouldn't have been able to grasp this at a much younger age so it just wasn't worth it.

At 13 months he now falls asleep on his own every night without a single tear. He cuddles his teddy and chats to himself for 2 mins and then will sleep 12 hours through.

Please in no way think this is a boast post! As it isn't although I do know I'm lucky (and also know it's all subject to change. And could be a totally different story if we have another baby).

But 9 months ago I longed to hear people tell me that it would get better as I couldn't see an end in sight.

Hang in there. Motherhood is bloody hard but things WILL get better.

Don't end up like me, regretting that you spent so much of that precious year worrying about sleep habits and getting it all wrong.

Do what feels right for you :-)

[Newmother8668]

It's horrible though isn't it? I can't even enjoy my baby at all with this sleep regression. I enjoy him for 20 min a day and the rest, he is just whinging. The four month sleep regression was the final nail in the coffin for more babies for me. I've never felt more annoyed every day than during this period and it's still going.

[Sardines18]

Just reading your post has made me feel better. My son has been waking hourly for the past 2 months( now 6 months). Most of the time I am spending my time worrying that he will never sleep longer than this. He goes from 6.30am to 6am but just hourly stirring when I then just put him on the boob. Other methods I've tried just end up with him fully waking up for hours on end..

My other worry at the moment is that if he wakes hourly through the night does this make him sleep deprived? I don't really worry about me in this but I hate thinking that it effects him! There is no way I would do controlled crying etc just now because I think he is too young. What are your thoughts on this OP?

[LillianFullStop]

I'm 6 months in and in the trenches of teething, growth spurt and various mental leaps (DD is almost crawling). This post rings so true for where I am at the moment - getting caught up in the 'shoulds', she 'used to this or that'. Haven't had a long stretch of sleep since the 4 month regression and finding myself in tears the last two days.

Your post has given me perspective and renewed resolve to be strong for DD and try to enjoy her happy smiles and amazing milestones at this age ... even when things go pear shaped come nap and bedtime. They are little for such a short time and change so much the first year. Thank you for taking the time to share

[TheVanguardSix]

This thread (link below) kept me somewhat sane and turned my rage to laughter every time the sleep deprivation got me down. You're not alone. It does get better but ffs, two and a half years of it killed me. Which is why I needed this-->
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1960846-So-sick-of-being-so-angry-all-the-time-because-Im-so-fucking-tired

[user1493212170]

Thank you!
REALLY needed to read this today!! :)

[TheVanguardSix]

It is medicine for the pain, that thread. It's a beloved gem. I think the OP is very optimistic. 13 months? Just wait and see. Forgive me, I am just totally cynical regarding sleep deprivation. Good luck to all and congratulations to that gilded minority of back slapping sleeping mothers!

[Anatidae]

I remember your posts because I was here too with the same thing

With ours it took 18m then suddenly he went from waking 10 times a night plus to just once. We might weaned him and put him in his own room and now he sleeps 7:30-5:30 most nights.

I truly believe there's a huge variation in normal at this young age. And I also strongly believe that a lot of sleep is developmental- it's a skill like walking or talking.

I was waking every 20 mins for months on end and I was suicidal- there is a very good reason sleep deprivation is used as torture.

My advice to anyone going through this is to try gentle methods and routines. If that doesn't work have a think about WHY you think they're not sleeping. If they're just wanting to get up and play then maybe a less gently method could help. But our ds was scared when he woke - he has some weird separation anxiety stuff and so cry it out was the worst thing we did :/

It will pass. The specialist we saw said he was one of the worst she'd ever seen . But she also said it would pass and she was right. Arrange yourselves so that you direct your energies to coping rather than fighting your little one. We slept in shifts for almost a year - it was shit but needs must.

My sympathies to all going through this. It is bloody hard.

[InsaneDame]

My DS used to wake 4 - 6 times a night (it was every hour for a few weeks around 6 months then again at 18 months) but I can happily say it does indeed get better. He is 3 years old now and just slept 13 hours straight and he has been like this for just over a year. We didn't do anything in particular, he just did it himself. Hang in there anyone struggling, it won't last forever!

[fruityb]

Ds is 8 months and generally goes for a nap in the morning for an hour fairly well. However getting him to sleep in the afternoon is a nightmare. I'm more relaxed about it as getting wound up about it gets us nowhere but it's been a good two hours on and off trying to get him to have the snooze he obviously needs. He's buried his face in the floor more times than I care to mention yet if I put him in his bed he screams blue murder and has hurt himself flailing around. Pick him up and he either continues screaming or tries to claw your face off! Given up - he sleeps all night but obviously doesn't want to nap in the afternoons. The little git will probably fall asleep at six throwing everything into disarray later... OH doesn't see the problem when he goes to bed later - he's not the one who's craving some adult time without Ds around in the evenings. I'm with Ds ALL DAY EVERY DAY!! I love him so much but you know when you just need a small break....

[fruityb]

Anyway meant to say thank you for this post, I can't wait for these days. Ds and the afternoon nap is a fucking horrendous battle and despite relaxing on it when you know he needs to sleep and he just won't it's so so frustrating. OH asks why I haven't done certain things - it's because I do not get a minutes peace!!!

[Anatidae]

Kindergarten fixed our daytime nap issues. At Swedish Dagis (kindergarten ) they place child in buggy (very very well wrapped up in many layers of wool then a fur or wool or down footmuff) and wheel them outside. Regardless of how cold it is. It took hima week or two of protest (and it's not like they left him, they were very attentive and caring) but he now naps in his buggy for at least an hour at lunchtime.

[NEmum]

@MYA2016 thank you for sharing!

[WhyTheHeckMe]

Hi ladies, I am the OP on this one but have since name changed!
I'm so glad that it's given some of you comfort. I'm pleased to report that another 2 months on and he has not woken once at night so far this year and we have had 4 molars appear during this time and a bout of sickness.
I've just come to the conclusion that this child likes sleep which I genuinely thought was unheard of a year ago!
I still look back at last year and feel sad that I ended up getting so depressed due to lack of sleep. Give your child time, the one thing I have taken from it all is to basically write off year 1 for sleep. My friend who had a horrendous sleeper (worse than mine, up for 2-4 hours from midnight onwards) has now been sleeping through for the last 6 weeks and she is 14 months.

My main bit of advice is please don't get hung up on bad habits when they're little. I think from around 12 months I believe u can create bad habits (not that they can't be broken just that it gets harder). But from the experience we had he was very adaptable up to this age. If he woke up now in the night I don't think I'd put him in my bed like I used to in fear he'd start doing it all the time!
I hope you're all doing okay, and hopefully the regression is over for some of you from when I first posted this :-)