Hang in there - things WILL get better!

[MYA2016]

My ds is 13 months. I've just been reading through a years worth of things I posted, almost all of them sleep related. (I'm bored)

He slept okay ish till he was around 4 months. Don't get me wrong, he'd only sleep on me (bf baby). But he'd sleep well on me throughout the night!

At 4 months life changed. He suddenly started waking, within weeks it was hideous. We were getting 45-60 minute stretches at most.

I began to detest motherhood, detest my baby and longed for my old life. I was absolutely exhausted, felt like I was getting it all wrong. I was told by MIL everyday "I've never know a baby like him, you've produced the most needy baby ever by breastfeeding".

I must have posted a new thread weekly begging for help. I always got conflicting advice as everyone had different babies and different experiences.

This went on till he was around 7.5/8 months. So around 4 months of hell.

Well if I could go back 12 months now, I would tell myself this.

This isn't forever

Sleep deprivation is absolutely awful. But it doesn't last a lifetime. Sometimes it lasts for weeks, for others it's months. Very rarely years. I know the odd person who's 3 year old still wakes but we're talking once a night maybe twice and it's brief.

The 1st year sleep deprivation is truly awful but IT DOES END! I was so hung up on 'bad habits' and the fact my 4 month old wasn't able to self soothe! What 4 month old should self soothe? ! Why should they have to! They're so tiny!

I really found for us that around the 10 month mark things began to change. They start being able to form attachments to teddies which they find comfort in, and they also are able to start to realise that if you leave, you will come back.

I contemplated cry it out so many times and I'm so glad now that I didn't. At 10 months we did 3 nights of controlled crying. It worked a treat BECAUSE HE WAS READY. He quickly learned that we would go back to him and was then confident to fall asleep on his own. He wouldn't have been able to grasp this at a much younger age so it just wasn't worth it.

At 13 months he now falls asleep on his own every night without a single tear. He cuddles his teddy and chats to himself for 2 mins and then will sleep 12 hours through.

Please in no way think this is a boast post! As it isn't although I do know I'm lucky (and also know it's all subject to change. And could be a totally different story if we have another baby).

But 9 months ago I longed to hear people tell me that it would get better as I couldn't see an end in sight.

Hang in there. Motherhood is bloody hard but things WILL get better.

Don't end up like me, regretting that you spent so much of that precious year worrying about sleep habits and getting it all wrong.

Do what feels right for you :-)

[WhyTheHeckMe]

Hi ladies, I am the OP on this one but have since name changed!
I'm so glad that it's given some of you comfort. I'm pleased to report that another 2 months on and he has not woken once at night so far this year and we have had 4 molars appear during this time and a bout of sickness.
I've just come to the conclusion that this child likes sleep which I genuinely thought was unheard of a year ago!
I still look back at last year and feel sad that I ended up getting so depressed due to lack of sleep. Give your child time, the one thing I have taken from it all is to basically write off year 1 for sleep. My friend who had a horrendous sleeper (worse than mine, up for 2-4 hours from midnight onwards) has now been sleeping through for the last 6 weeks and she is 14 months.

My main bit of advice is please don't get hung up on bad habits when they're little. I think from around 12 months I believe u can create bad habits (not that they can't be broken just that it gets harder). But from the experience we had he was very adaptable up to this age. If he woke up now in the night I don't think I'd put him in my bed like I used to in fear he'd start doing it all the time!
I hope you're all doing okay, and hopefully the regression is over for some of you from when I first posted this :-)

[NEmum]

@MYA2016 thank you for sharing!

[Anatidae]

Kindergarten fixed our daytime nap issues. At Swedish Dagis (kindergarten ) they place child in buggy (very very well wrapped up in many layers of wool then a fur or wool or down footmuff) and wheel them outside. Regardless of how cold it is. It took hima week or two of protest (and it's not like they left him, they were very attentive and caring) but he now naps in his buggy for at least an hour at lunchtime.

[fruityb]

Anyway meant to say thank you for this post, I can't wait for these days. Ds and the afternoon nap is a fucking horrendous battle and despite relaxing on it when you know he needs to sleep and he just won't it's so so frustrating. OH asks why I haven't done certain things - it's because I do not get a minutes peace!!!

[fruityb]

Ds is 8 months and generally goes for a nap in the morning for an hour fairly well. However getting him to sleep in the afternoon is a nightmare. I'm more relaxed about it as getting wound up about it gets us nowhere but it's been a good two hours on and off trying to get him to have the snooze he obviously needs. He's buried his face in the floor more times than I care to mention yet if I put him in his bed he screams blue murder and has hurt himself flailing around. Pick him up and he either continues screaming or tries to claw your face off! Given up - he sleeps all night but obviously doesn't want to nap in the afternoons. The little git will probably fall asleep at six throwing everything into disarray later... OH doesn't see the problem when he goes to bed later - he's not the one who's craving some adult time without Ds around in the evenings. I'm with Ds ALL DAY EVERY DAY!! I love him so much but you know when you just need a small break....

[InsaneDame]

My DS used to wake 4 - 6 times a night (it was every hour for a few weeks around 6 months then again at 18 months) but I can happily say it does indeed get better. He is 3 years old now and just slept 13 hours straight and he has been like this for just over a year. We didn't do anything in particular, he just did it himself. Hang in there anyone struggling, it won't last forever!

[Anatidae]

I remember your posts because I was here too with the same thing

With ours it took 18m then suddenly he went from waking 10 times a night plus to just once. We might weaned him and put him in his own room and now he sleeps 7:30-5:30 most nights.

I truly believe there's a huge variation in normal at this young age. And I also strongly believe that a lot of sleep is developmental- it's a skill like walking or talking.

I was waking every 20 mins for months on end and I was suicidal- there is a very good reason sleep deprivation is used as torture.

My advice to anyone going through this is to try gentle methods and routines. If that doesn't work have a think about WHY you think they're not sleeping. If they're just wanting to get up and play then maybe a less gently method could help. But our ds was scared when he woke - he has some weird separation anxiety stuff and so cry it out was the worst thing we did :/

It will pass. The specialist we saw said he was one of the worst she'd ever seen . But she also said it would pass and she was right. Arrange yourselves so that you direct your energies to coping rather than fighting your little one. We slept in shifts for almost a year - it was shit but needs must.

My sympathies to all going through this. It is bloody hard.

[TheVanguardSix]

It is medicine for the pain, that thread. It's a beloved gem. I think the OP is very optimistic. 13 months? Just wait and see. Forgive me, I am just totally cynical regarding sleep deprivation. Good luck to all and congratulations to that gilded minority of back slapping sleeping mothers!

[user1493212170]

Thank you!
REALLY needed to read this today!! :)

[TheVanguardSix]

This thread (link below) kept me somewhat sane and turned my rage to laughter every time the sleep deprivation got me down. You're not alone. It does get better but ffs, two and a half years of it killed me. Which is why I needed this-->
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1960846-So-sick-of-being-so-angry-all-the-time-because-Im-so-fucking-tired

[LillianFullStop]

I'm 6 months in and in the trenches of teething, growth spurt and various mental leaps (DD is almost crawling). This post rings so true for where I am at the moment - getting caught up in the 'shoulds', she 'used to this or that'. Haven't had a long stretch of sleep since the 4 month regression and finding myself in tears the last two days.

Your post has given me perspective and renewed resolve to be strong for DD and try to enjoy her happy smiles and amazing milestones at this age ... even when things go pear shaped come nap and bedtime. They are little for such a short time and change so much the first year. Thank you for taking the time to share

[Sardines18]

Just reading your post has made me feel better. My son has been waking hourly for the past 2 months( now 6 months). Most of the time I am spending my time worrying that he will never sleep longer than this. He goes from 6.30am to 6am but just hourly stirring when I then just put him on the boob. Other methods I've tried just end up with him fully waking up for hours on end..

My other worry at the moment is that if he wakes hourly through the night does this make him sleep deprived? I don't really worry about me in this but I hate thinking that it effects him! There is no way I would do controlled crying etc just now because I think he is too young. What are your thoughts on this OP?

[Newmother8668]

It's horrible though isn't it? I can't even enjoy my baby at all with this sleep regression. I enjoy him for 20 min a day and the rest, he is just whinging. The four month sleep regression was the final nail in the coffin for more babies for me. I've never felt more annoyed every day than during this period and it's still going.

[Newmother8668]

Just wanted to say that my baby's regression has started to get less bad. His 30 minute naps are becoming 40 min naps and his sleep at night is much better. It was four weeks of four month regression, but I'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel and he is settling for naps easier now.

[BifsWif]

This is so true. I thought I would go out of my mind with exhaustion at one point. I hated being a mum, and I'm ashamed to say I regretted having my DD.

She just did not sleep. No naps, and awake every hour through the night. She had reflux, which did improve with medication, but she was never a good sleeper. I'd spend my evenings trying to get her to sleep, then fall into bed myself without having anything to eat or any time to unwind. She would wake up hourly, and then be up for the day between 5am and 6am.

I am happy to report that we saw a big change at around 11 months, and now she is almost two she goes to bed at 6pm and I quite often have to wake her at 8am the next day so I can go to work.

It feels like it will never end, but it does. to all of you struggling at the moment x

[empirerecordsrocked]

So true op and it's so bloody hard to realise it in the middle of it. I was literally hallucinating with tiredness when dts were small - used to see eats and spiders running across the room.

Now, they're 6 and sleep like logs and have done for a long time but Jesus that first year!

[Coffeelover56]

My DS is 12 months, has never had a good night's sleep, and if we make it through a 45 minute sleep cycle I'm happy. It's every 20 minutes at the moment and we are all utterly exhausted. I really hope I can write a similar thread to you one day.

[peaceloveandbiscuits]

Well done you, and mini-you!
I recently read through my threads from September/October 2016 when my 22mo was waking all night and I was suicidal with tiredness. Like you, he was a dreadful sleeper until around 9mo when I sleep trained him (CC too). However, bad habits caught up with us around 18mo (when there's another regression FYI. Stay strong!) and, desperate for sleep, we started giving him milk whenever he woke. In October we went cold turkey on the milk and used a more gentle method of sleep training, since we found CC didn't work with him anymore. It took us four hellish weeks, but it worked. Now he's 2y2mo and sleeps through reliably again.
It's so empowering to read through and remember where you've come from. I was in danger of taking his sleep for granted again!
I'm pregnant again and feeling much more positive that it isn't forever.

[QueenRefusenik]

Yay! Celebratory all round! DS is 13 months and I absolutely despaired of getting more than 2 hrs sleep at a time for months. Since turning 12 months he's improved a lot - absolutely nothing to do with anything I've done, he's just growing. Sadly it's just all been put back a bit this week due to a hideous clusterfuck of gastro/stinking cold/conjunctivitis, but he's on the mend and I'm confident will continue to improve. I'm even planning for my first nights away since he was born... Hold on, parents of terrible sleepers, they will get there!

[MummyFr0g]

Thanks for this from me too. I was having a bit of a panic that I'm doing everything wrong - feeding to sleep, letting him nap on me (only stays asleep for 10 mins if I put him down), getting up to him 3 or 4 times a night. He is so unpredictable and won't be forced into a routine! I go back to work in 8 weeks when he'll be 9 months, so something has to change before then, really not sure where to start... But it is reassuring to know that things might just work themselves out.

[Blossom567]

Thanks OP. Also needed today. 7.5month DS who wakes every 1-2 hours at night and only naps 30mins. It's killing me. Been trying to lie him down 'drowsy' - what a joke. Results in me having to cuddle, rock, pace all over again. I'm exhausted. Just hope I can cope until it passes. It's also not fair on DS1 as I'm always knackered or upstairs trying to settle DS2 while he's stuck in front of tv. Tough times.

[splendide]

Yes Bex agreed! I used to think of that quote too. And that it wouldn't be forever and he needed me now.

Sometimes I would also think "go to fucking sleep you monster" but it was really helpful to at least try to start from a patient place. Also I found that once i let the panic about doing it wrong go I was loads happier. So I slept in his room for a couple of months, not ideal maybe but it worked OK for us.

[Bex107]

Such a great post OP, and just what I needed to read today - we're struggling through a potential dairy allergy, bronchiolitis, and teething at the minute with my 9 month old!

Sarah Ockwell-Smith's 'The Gentle Sleep book' has been my sanity - it's great at explaining what's going on with your baby and why they might not be sleeping. It also gives me the strength to ignore naysayers who seem to think by breastfeeding him to sleep I've set him up to never learn to fall asleep on his own, and reassured me it's ok not to do CC/CIO if it's not for you.

I read a recent quote that said something like 'you don't stop being a parent just because it's night time' and this really struck a chord with me - I remember it during those 3am staggers to the cot, and it reminds me to be as patient and calm as I would be during the day. Hang on in there mommas (and daddies), you're all doing great!

[almmummy]

Great post! I have had the difficulty of endlessly wondering why my son hasn't done what his sister did (slept through at 9months), self soothed beautifully. My son gets up twice still and many more times if he is ill/teething. I had almost developed a phobia of the nights as he is so unpredictable - he can be up after an hour, two, six - who knows?! But have been thinking like you lately - it won't last forever and he'll soon tire more. We went to a playgroup yesterday and he was shattered after crawling around for hours there. Six hours stretch with a brief gulp of milk and back until morning. Hurrah! Glad sleep came back for you, enjoy!

[Tftpoo]

Your OP describes my 10 month old's sleep history perfectly! Thank you, it is great to know things get better. They are already loads better than a couple of months ago (down to one wake up and feed about 1am now) but we still can't get her to fall asleep in the evening on her own.