Controlled crying- how long does it take?

[albazavi]

I'm looking for some advice on CC from those that have been there as I'm on day 8, and getting ready to throw in the towel!

DS is 7 and a half months and from 3 months has been a terrible sleeper. We decided to try CC, after seemingly trying everything else and both of us being utterly exhausted.

The first 3 days works brilliantly- 1.30hr, first night, then 55mins and 45 mins and got it down to 20mins of crying after about night 4 and 5. Far less wake ups that before and most he's able to put himself back to sleep. He even slept through on night 5!

But the last 3 nights have been getting increasingly worse not better, 40 mins to settle, then an hour, and I'm currently on 45 minutes and he's not showing any how of settling.

I though after a week, the screaming would be down to a minimum but it's just getting worse!

I know a lot of people hate CC, but please don't berate me for it. I've fully researched the effects and we were at the end of our tether.

But any advice for how long it takes? I don't know how many more nights of this I can do?

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Christ on a bike

Are you aware of the awake time rule of THUMB when it comes to naps? At 7mo, he SHOULD'T be awake for much more than two hours at a time

Is it just me, or is autocorrect getting worse?!

[FATEdestiny]

Basically he wants me with him and if I leave when he's asleep he wakes up 5-10 minutes later and won't settle unless I'm there

How do you feel about gradual withdrawal? It won't be a quick fix but you will see process and it can be without creating any distress.

What happens at the moment when he goes to sleep? The idea is that you make small changes gradually over time until you reach the end point you seek.

If you've paused now while teething and are prepared to wait until after Christmas, baby being older might be better able to self-comfort with his snuggle toy.

basketofironing - sounds like your dd needs an embedded self-comforting method. At 8 months that's not far off being something she could learn.

Until then, as you've found, with each time when the child needs extra comfort, if she can't access this herself she's going to need you. It will get better tho, promise

not all children need comfort

Sigh. What a sad thing to read

In the end all children will find a way to self-comfort. All of them. Even those completely denied comfort will find a way. Even your child timetogrowup. The reason the orphans we used to see in Romanian orphanages rocked from side to side was as a self-comforting mechanism.

I wince at mentioning that ^ on a cc thread as I don't mean it in relation to cc. It is in relation to those giving no comfort- different thing to parents helping children to learn independant comforting methods.

I am not cc-bashing here.

[Ellieboolou27]

Good luck op, my first was like this, to be honest I think very few parents are lucky to have fantastic sleepers, my 14 month old who usually sleeps like a dream is currently on the bed with dad and all my smugness has left

[Darcourse]

OP we did CC with my DS at 9 months and it was about 10 days before I could say he was reliably sleeping through. Those 10 days were awful but it was worth it afterwards. If you're on day 8 now I would keep going for a few more days before packing it in as you have probably done the worst of it.

[5minutestobed]

Completely agree with what Elpha said. 7 months is still tiny. Just let him sleep on you in the evening if won't settle on his own? It won't last forever but it's completely normal for such a young baby to want their Mum.

[Isittimeforwineyet]

Oh my goodness all the guilt trip posts are giving me the rage.

In RL a lot of people seem to do CC. Most people have told me it works eventually. Who knows, God a lack of sleep can break you though, and your health and that of your family matters.

Rocking Romanian orphans...do you want to make OP cry? Ruddy hell!

[FATEdestiny]

Isittimeforwineyet - it wasn't written in relation to the op at all. Neither was it in relation to cc. It specifically in relation to a poster who almost glories in the fact that her baby get no comfort.

Do not quote me out of context.

[farfallarocks]

If you have rules out illness or teething I would have thought this is classic extinction burst behaviour, keep going. Have a look at the precious little sleep website it's very entertaining and reassuring about sleep training.

[farfallarocks]

Oh and I did cc the day I crashed the car with both my kids in it after 7 months of broken sleep.

[taxworries]

I didn't do controlled crying but just to let you know I don't think all children need some form of alternative comfort to get to sleep, my son hasn't. He only got into his teddies etc around 18 months, before that he just lay down and went to sleep. Very lucky I know. I wouldn't force a dummy if your child doesn't want one. in fact I don't know any children who have got on with dummies!

[taxworries]

On the comfort issue, reading the comments higher up the thread, can't it be the case that a baby gets comfort from his solid routine at the end of the day...Bath...clean pjs...milk...teeth and into a bed he knows with familiar sleeping bag and bunny or whatever? That's how my son seemed to get comfort without us at bedtime, sounds corny but the peace of bedtime when he was tired.

[FATEdestiny]

Yes, of course taxworries.

One of my children used to like running his fingers against the grain of short hair. That was his comfort thing. He's do it to himself at the back of his head, or the back of other peoples heads. He would even do it to eyebrows if that was the only short haired thing he could find.

I know other children with equally weird and varied comforting techniques.

I'm not saying comforter must be a dummy. I'm not saying it needs to be anything sucked. It doesn't have to be a rabbit or a toy or a blankie. It doesn't have to be a physical thing.

But children will find a way to access comfort from somewhere. It's not necessarily used when going to sleep once older. Just something that's there to do/snuggle/suck after a nightmare, when something wakes then up in the middle of the night, when poorly, when waking in the night too hot in summer, when the bangs are scary on bonfire night.... and the millions of other reasons children wake (but don't necessary wake parents) in the night.

[LittleBee23]

I don't think telling the OP just to hold the baby and let him sleep on her all evening as it won't be forever is all that helpful.

People generally look to sleep train when they're not coping with the way things are. Having no break from your child and no 'you' time can be really damaging for mum and child too. I know that I'm struggling just now as dd2 won't go to sleep before 9pm and I then have to start the housework and paperwork for the next day etc and get no down time.
I think when you're alone with baby all day and then have no down time in the evening it can really take its toll. It might not be forvwver but it feels like it ah the time.

[5minutestobed]

She said she wasn't coping because she was having to go in and out of the babies room all evening to settle him. At least if he slept on her in the evening she would get to sit still and relax/watch TV etc. It's not ideal but if it's an alternative option to lying in a dark room all evening or going to bed when the baby goes to bed.

It's what I did up until recently with my six month old and if he is poorly or having a bad evening I still bring him back downstairs with me so I don't spend the evening going back and forward.

I think parents feel a lot of pressure, especially when it seems like all other babies are sleeping all night in their cot etc to do sleep training because it's seen as what you should do to "fix" them. It doesn't work for ever baby though or maybe he's just not ready yet so in the meantime OP needs to do whatever she can to get the most rest. They change so much at this age and so do their sleep habits, it won't last forever.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Actually, LittleBee I think reminding people of what normal baby behaviours and needs are, against the societal wall of what they 'should' be doing, is very helpful. It might not be what people want to hear, but the sooner people remember that baby mammals have slept on or with their mothers for millennia, and that fighting this is basically pitting yourself against millions of years of evolution, the sooner we'll stop crippling ourselves with angst and parental guilt about our babies' sleep.

[mimishimmi]

Took us about 2 weeks at same age for both kids..

[mimishimmi]

And the advice for us was to sit by cot and gently pat/stroke for up to 5 mins but not to pick up.. gradually the periods between waking up became longer and within a fortnight they were sleeping through.

[albazavi]

Again thanks all. Some interesting points here to take into consideration. I seem to have sparked off a debate which I didn't intend to do.

Re: naps, I'm aware of the recommended timings and am on permanent watch for sleepy signs. Unfortunately because night time sleep is erratic, his gaps between day time sleep change so much. He generally sleeps for 3 30minite naps a day. Which I know is rubbish, but is largely because he's exhausted from not sleeping at night. So decided to tackle nighttime sleep first.

Unfortunately, if I let him sleep on me (for naps and at the start of the night) he'd only sleep for 30 minutes at a time and I'd have to actively work to get him back to sleep again. I've tried.

Last night I tried to stay with him and help him sleep, it didn't work. Every time I put him in the cot after feeding or rocking he woke up and started playing. It was only after I popped out of the room after an hour that he cried once and went to sleep. Only woke up at 2am and put himself back to sleep after 5 minutes.

So to me, I think it's working and will confuse him more if I change. But I need to make sure there's nothing hurting him and he's happy before he goes to sleep.

[Timetogrowup2016]

Fate.
My 9 month old has a dummy. ( but she can fall asleep without it - she doesn't cry to fall asleep though without it otherwise I'd give it)
All I'm saying is sometimes she goes off with no dummy and no crying by her self. ? That's not awful is it
Has since birth.
My version of cc is this,
put in cot
Dummy in mouth.
N night .
Leave.
She starts to moan for ten minutes and can find her own dummy.
If she cries I pop in every ten minutes and give her dummy back.

It's not my fault my baby can fall asleep by her self with no comfort sometimes . Sorry. Maybe your just jealous

[Timetogrowup2016]

Or maybe your annoyed that once your wrong and don't know everything their is to know about sleep issues and bash everyone else that doesn't want to do gradual fucking withdrawal.

[nuttyknitter]

Would you leave an elderly person to cry alone in the dark? It's abuse. Don't do it.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

OP - no thread on MN about CC ever passes without debate. The site should come with a warning, really

[Timetogrowup2016]

She cries because she's tired,
My daughter will not let me rock or cuddle her to sleep .
She can cry for hours all day if I try to help her sleep . Do I keep trying those and let her get sleep deprived ? Or try and help her sleep the way she falls asleep.
Hahaha.
Get on your high horse.
All babies are different

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Timetogrowup Have a read of your user name and take your own advice. You've (deliberately?) misinterpreted pretty much everything FATE has said. I would suggest she is actually one of the most knowledgable posters on MN about sleep, so wind your neck in.

[Timetogrowup2016]

I'm just fed up of people being critiqued for a little bit of crying.
Parent the way you want but why do people have to treat people badly for doing something ?
If you don't like it , don't do it but no need to have a go at others.
That's all.