Phrases that make you weep

[KatieLily12]

So I have a difficult sleeper. I've been on here at various points desperate for advice. However, thought I'd start a giggle lighthearted thread for a change.

What phrases make you want to just face palm whenever someone says them?

My recent one, when I was explaining why a time wouldn't work for us, was 'why not come anyway and they can sleep in the other room while we carry on?'

I think I did well to laugh rather than openly weep.

[Nicknamefail]

As dd rolls over and over again on the floor 'aaaah she's wearing herself out, she'll sleep well tonight. '
If only.....

[blossombath]

further at the ugly baby.

[BumpKitty]

this thread is brilliant! My DD would never sleep anywhere but on me. She first slept through at 13 months - just once then not again for about another 4 or 5 months. I had to go to bed with her at 7pm every single night and she would wake every couple of hours.
I am now pg with number 2 and starting to worry about the sleep deprivation, cue my Dad, 'I think you actually enjoyed her just sleeping on you'. He is lucky to still be alive.

and... 'just put them down in the cot and if they are doing a 'tired cry' they'll go off to sleep in a bit, hmmmm, DD doesn't seem to have learnt the 'tired cry' just the 'I'm actually being murdered right now cry'.

[nextphase]

BumpKitty - if its any consolation, DS2 was a much better sleeper than DS1. I know this isn't always the case.
He wasn't, by any means a brill sleeper, but "he sleeps better than his big brother" was enough to stop most subsequent questions.
Good Luck!

[freelancegirl]

As we're wittering on about it assuming you're all as obsessed as I am about reading up on sleep, I thought I would like to this article from Psychology Today about normal infant sleep. I know there's plenty of info on it out there, but this 5 parter IMO puts things really well and made me feel a lot better about feeding to sleep and frequent wake ups. Also gives us something to say back to those who trot out those annoying lines about what they may or may not think we are doing 'wrong' with our babies sleep issues!

Link here

[Throughgrittedteeth]

Eurgh 5am start today, I have work at 11 too. Still, I'm sure he'll sleep well tonight!
That article is interesting freelance thanks.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Fantastic article freelance!

[freelancegirl]

I'm sure he'll sleep well tonight Gritted

That article has made me feel so much better Elphaba. I thought I'd read everything but obviously not. I'm lying here with DS curled up to me having his nap creating A Rod as we speak and just enjoying it - hey it's cosy, he'll sleep longer with me here, I've got MN on the phone to entertain me and it's hardly like he'll want to do this when he's 12 so I might as well enjoy it!

[ElphabaTheGreen]

It's basically an evidence based summary of everything that's on the ISIS website. I'd like to forward it to every HV in the UK and especially the cockwomble who wrote that guff in the 0-5 Book that 'by 6 months babies should be sleeping through the night'.

I'm also tempted to post it on a friend's FB page who shut the door on her 9 month old who was crying because she wanted to come into her bed. And pushed formula and baby rice into her at four months to make her sleep.

[KatieLily12]

Loved, loved, loved this!

Read it while buried under my rod creator ;)

[Throughgrittedteeth]

On a Sunday I work with a really lovely girl who I get on very well with, but today I nearly had to kill her.

After explaining how tired I was she said 'I just wouldn't let him get up, I'd just tell him to go back to sleep and walk out..' I just said 'oh GOD why didn't I think of that! Fuck me just telling him to go back to sleep THAT'S BRAND NEW ADVICE!!'
We both laughed but then after I just said, 'in all seriousness have you ever met a toddler..?'
She is only 17 though so I think can forgive her.

[paperclips]

This is the best thread in ages. I've heard pretty much all of these.

One of my favourites, DH, who has been not just in the same house, but in bed next to me all night, sometimes wakes up in the morning and asks "How was your night, did babyclips sleep ok?" He honestly didn't know. He's lucky not to be under the patio for that.

[happydaze77]

Absolutely brilliant thread - tears of laughter!
Love the one from SettlersofKezan about the reclining highchair: "won't be needing that then" were my exact words too!
Ditto about falling asleep on the playmat or jumperoo. I would call an ambulance if dd did that!

[MidLine]

"Have you tried just putting her in her cot to see if she'll fall asleep herself?"
No, no I haven't tried that one, I just prefer trying to wear my carpet out by pushing the pram back and forth or having my nipple sucked till its numb you complete bell end

[KatieLily12]

First ever swimming class last night

Swim teacher: 'bring their pyjamas and pop then straight to bed. An early evening all for you!'

Sure. Sure. 2 hours later LO finally came down off the ceiling from the excitement of swim class. Yup

[SettlersofKezan]

Paperclips - my DH does that too. Nice to know he notices my absence when I spend hours in DD's room during the night. I've taken to feeding her and then getting him to come and put her down as he is much more effective than me. I often get up, tell him I'm going to feed her and then call him over the monitor when she's asleep. He often responds with a "oh, I didn't know you'd got up!"

Katielily - same here about swimming. Not happened yet.

[MacMac123]

These posts are so funny (and true!)
I wish mums net had a 'like' button for each post - I'd 'like' them all!

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

'You were just like that' F--K off mum thats not helping!

[okthen]

Anything about babies being 'good' because they sleep well.

Anything along the lines of 'she loves her bed!' or 'she's a sleeper!' complete with smug twinkle.

Especially when said by parents of babies under 4 months or so whose babies have lulled them into a false sense of security, and who think that is sleep sorted. Really have to resist saying JUST YOU WAIT.

Oh oh, and my granny saying 'just give him a little pat and tell him to go back to sleep' (3mo at time)

On the other hand, people can't win when you're sleep deprived. So if a friend expresses horror at the horrible night I've just recounted, I feel all defensive...

Basically I only want to talk to people whose babies sleep as badly (or preferably worse) than mine.

[okthen]

Ps I have a good response to the 'how is he sleeping?' question:

'Terribly! But he's sooo gorgeous, what does it matter?'

A bit of preemptive smugness tends to kill the 'advice' to follow...

[MyShoofly]

Detox my son is now 2.7 yrs and is only now starting to ore consistently sleep through the night (though its always touch and go TBH). We read every sleep book, felt we encouraged good habits through solid routine blah, blah.....he just sometimes does NOT sleep.

Between 1st b-day and 2nd there were weeks in which he would wake up every night for hours. Not being bad, just awake and not wanting to be alone (which is understandable in some respects). what can you do? He cant sleep (shrug). We would sit with him for hours and he would just toss and turn and not fall asleep. We were not willing to just leave him to cry because we fundamentally believed that he was not capable of understanding and were not willing to abandon him to be hysterical. Besides...I'm not sure this insomnia-like sleep thing is within his control. I've never once regretted our approach and just nod and grunt when I'm given that whole "rod for your own back" line ad nauseum.

when I tried to explain the issue to our pediatrician she was totally unsympathetic and exclaimed "he's 2 just be happy he sleeps at all"

[MyShoofly]

okthen that is perfect!!!!!

[MyShoofly]

I can't count the number of times I've been told to drop his nap (starting around 7 months onward!)......queue you poking your overtired child as they are passing out from exhaustion by 2:00 whilst advising them...."excuse me child I have it on the greatest authority that you do NOT need a nap"

[amazingmumof6]

"Are you still here?" - towards end of pg I'm asked this a million times, mostly during the school runs by mums I vaguely know.

errrm? yes I'm here, we are talking face to face. oh you mean that I'm still pg? What gave that away you genius?
Oh and I'm sorry you are disappointed I'm STILL pg - but I've got 6 weeks to go!


also "I didn't know you were pg!" (so what?)
"are you having any more?" and basically any pg related questions.

and through 6 pgs "are you hoping for a girl?" I got so fed up that eventually I'd say "well, we did have a girl but she died...." (true, had MC after DS4)

had 5 boys then baby girl - so now it's "oh you FINALLY have the girl you so wanted, you must be so pleased" huh? why don't you fuck off to the far side of fuck?

[amazingmumof6]

oops, sorry mine were not about sleep, I didn't read OP, rookie mistake! well, I might as well carry on.....

I have tons more.
from "DS1 is such a fussy eater" (no MIL, he's 2 and hates your food covered in oil!)
through "why has he got no teeth yet at 14 months?" (because I'm a bad parent)
to "is 3 year old DS2 going to stay blonde?" (huh?)
I'm in danger of damaging my eye muscles due to excessive eye rolling.