Thread titles

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

I know Mumsnet is a robust site used by adults but I am finding the Conception titles (which appear in Active, I am not seeking them out) a bit too much. There were mildly amusing before, but they are now, IMO, crude and unnecessary. Can they be reined in a little?

Thank-you.

[LaLaLaaaa]

I've not been rude at all to the OP and agree she's been very polite in her request

My comment regarding bullying was actually aimed at some of the other people who posted on this thread - who were being nasty saying the thread titles were all about wanting attention, showing off and trying too be rebels. When more than one person piled on to start having a go at the jsers. Those claims are simply untrue and spiteful.

I do think you're entitled to your opinion OP, I think you maybe hit a nerve here though inadvertently as we only just had this a month ago and it feels pretty rubbish to have folk having a go again (not you, the others who posted).

MNHQ said the titles were fine last time and if anything they've been less rude since then.

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

Thanks to those who understood what I was trying to say.

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

I genuinely did not intend to harass or make anyone feel victimised. I, equally, did not think it was unreasonable to raise a query, though I do understand the defensiveness if the same point was raised recently. I don't think the fact I have an opinion on the subject is wrong or a good reason to be rude to me. I accept people handle grief and disappointment differently and that a gallows' humour helps some but I still find sone of it too much.

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

Sidetrack Oooh, Iwas! A lovely amended name! I read your threads but, having nothing useful to contribute, just lurk sending best wishes madly and wanting to knee Sid where it hurts.

[Grantaire]

Tis the nature of forums again isn't it? The OP didn't see the other thread, some people don't like some things in titles, some people express their feelings robustly, others read it as personal attacks. In a minute there'll be another thread on parent and child parking and we'll come full circle.

[Grantaire]

lildottie, you don't need to start swearing and telling people to piss off because they have a different opinion to you.

It's not about special snowflakes or a criticism of the subject of the threads or the individuals on it. It isn't a sense of humour fail, it isn't a cry for fucking/shagging/whatever (really, I am not concerned about twee terms being used) to be banned. It is a polite request from a few people for the thread titles (a smattering of words) to be considered more carefully and the contents of the threads (thousands of thoughts and words and images) left alone. You, of course, can say no thank you. We prefer to do things this way, can you not just hide it. That's the end of it. One polite request, one polite response. You have the power not to irritate and offend, you balance that against the inclusivity and humour of your thread titles and you reach your own conclusion about how to word your titles. Swearing at people and calling them special snowflakes spectacularly misses the point. The OP of this thread has been very polite and friendly.

MN is a community and we share some of the spaces. Just like some people don't like txt spk and hunning, other people don't like gratuitous thread titles and they appear in the shared space of active conversations so people will comment on them. Just like the shop says "Ann Summers" on the front as opposed to "Get Your Dildos, Lube and Crotchless Pants here Sex People". There is a bit we all see and not everybody will like it. As I said, I try and be mindful of that. Not everybody will. The beauty of MN is that we're all different.

On balance, I agree that all you can ever do is hide the threads with titles you don't like. It's imperfect but it's the best way atm.

[jellypi3]

Thanks silvernightfairy :)

lil don't waste your words! Use them in the next thread title

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

I know, lil, I was just saying I wasn't being hypocritical.

[lildottie]

I've just read back over the last 5 or 6 titles Aliand also can't see what all the fuss is about!

and two I didn't say u posted the word cunt, I said it was allowed to be posted on Mn.

[FatAli]

I can't see what's offensive about the thread title you have posted.

'Erections' is about as risqué as that one gets, so I can't see anything crude about it, I thought there'd at least be a cunt in there, or something.

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

IMO, ...

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

And, to labour a point, I am really glad that it is such a supportive thread for you all but all I was asking was, did the titles have to be quite so graphic? Quirky, intelligent, witty, thoughtful: great. Rude, crude, deliberately offensive and a two-fingered salute: not so much.

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

And I don't post "c*nt", freely or otherwise, so I don't feel hypocritical with the comments I have made. Mumsnet has a wide variety of users, and I happen to be one of those many who employs less ripe language.

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

I have been attempting to de-clutter today, so I haven't checked in till now. Once again, Grantaire seems to have said it so well, I don't need to say anything more (her post at 1827). Bit surprised by the personal attacks, as others on the thread have shown we can hold entirely different opinions yet be pleasant to each other ....

Oh, and I think "complain" is a bit strong: I was asking MNHQ to look at something and, as it happens, they already intended to. It has been instructive to see how and why others think the titles helpful (and reassuring that yet others also find some of it a bit much, as I do).

Should the next title been deliberately more "crude", I shall, I imagine, roll my eyes, throw a joke to my Husband and move on with life.

And "bullying", seriously? I thought the, er, thrust of those who supported the aforementioned titles was that we all had to be more robust. Confused ....

[lildottie]

and I'd also like to add that if it was "in jokes" and "cliques" the thread wouldn't have got to its 47th innings. when people on our thread leave once the get pg. the fact it is still going is testament to how our thread titles attract new people who then join our group for support and a few laughs along the way. if it was so "in" and "cliquey" I'd be there on my own by now!

[lildottie]

seriously, how can you complain about a thread title being offensive on a forum that allows you to post "cunt" freely. quite clearly you are on the wrong forum and should either stop being so bloody sensitive or piss off to another forum. why should we censor something that makes us feel better, whatever we or you are going through. you can't please all of the people all of the time so we choose to please ourselves. we aren't asking you to be part of it. hide it, ignore it, move on! it's not difficult. we find shit like "badly dancing" and "baby dust" offensive but you don't see us posting threads asking mnhq to stop people posting it!

also think "cunt cushion" should be in next title jelly!

[SilverNightFairy]

Popping by to add my support to Viroids. Do not change a thing! If some special snowflakes get all up in their girls about the title of a thread, then that's their prob. Im sending love and thoughts for the hot beef injection to you all

[Grantaire]

It is so hard for anybody to discuss this rationally or without emotion. Or for people not to see imagined slights where there are none. The topic of the threads overshadows the objective discussion of the titles.

It's not about competitive trauma, grief or problems.

It's not about removing support.

It's not about individuals.

It's not about thread content.

It's not about swearing.

It's not about baby dust or sensibilities.

It IS about how we share certain parts of Mumsnet and this does extend to how we word out titles and where we place our threads.

As it stands, the hide thread option offers a slightly imperfect way of dealing with the issue. I wouldn't for a second want MN to become horribly moderated. You simply can't build a framework for what is an acceptable thread title. It's more about being part of a larger community and acknowledging that you have a choice when wording titles. Just that, titles. You can continue to post titles which seem silly or irritating or OTT to other posters, as is your inalienable right (I do think it's crossing a line when you deliberately try and be more provocative towards people who have quite rightly expressed their own, acceptable opinion on the titles). We too have the inalienable right to suffer minor irritation and then hide them. Personally, I am mindful of other people using the site and try not to post thread titles which offend (to be clear baby dust/sparkles and om nom nom are as irritating as jizz and erections out of context. It's not subject specific, it's location specific).

I don't tend to think much about it tbh. I see a thread title I don't like, I hide it. I think that's probably as workable as it's going to get without people taking offence. I don't think there's a solution. The onus is on the individual to decide how they want to write a thread title when they know full well it will be read by anybody using active. You can't legislate for the quirks of the individual. You can politely ask, which is all the op has done on this thread. She has not been abusive, rude or bullying. She has expressed a valid and shared opinion.

[Bakeoffcake]

I'm sorry I posted too soon, I meant to add Blackdog I'm sorry you're suffering from depression, I'm just coming off ADs after a long period, so know what its like. I hope this phase passes quickly for you and I'm glad you're getting support from the conception board.

[Bakeoffcake]

Lala- a bullying thread? Go ahead and report the "bullying". I can't wait to hear what MNHQ have to say.

Blackdog have you actually read the thread and seen the awful things the OP and others have had to deal with? You'd think the only pain felt on the whole of MN is on the conception boards. The "fuck off everyone else, you're feelings done matter" is bloody awful.

[Blackdogwalker]

I've posted on that thread a few times recently and they've been lovely. I joined Mumsnet only because of that thread and it's title (which was much more offensive). I'm TTC, have a toddler, suffer from depression and sometimes feel suicidal. I have no friends and no family to talk to. That thread is the first thing I've joined in years. It's the first time I've reached out and been honest with anyone other than my DH in, well I can't remember. Counselling probably. Recently I've really valued being able to read that thread because it's only thing that's made me feel normal. I'm having a down phase and my black dog is demanding his walk. So we've walked together through that thread as it is honest, funny, supportive, has swearing, talks about erections, shagging, jizz and vaginas. But also about pain, grief and frustration. And there's no fucking baby dust. So really, get a grip. And noe I've said all this I will probably have to name change and start again, but I wanted to defend them. You're offended, well so fucking what. Oh and if this is my last post, I want the last thing I say to be this, cuntwankerjizzknobtitfuckerstwat.

[LaLaLaaaa]

bakeoff of course not - we are very nice people! I wrote you a nice message yesterday in response to your post but you might have missed it.

If you start picking on folk then of course tensions are going to rise and people will get a bit defensive. This has become quite a bullying thread now and I've actually reported it as such. The girls haven't done anything wrong but here you all are having a go at them.

[Bakeoffcake]

Yes Rightside there's definitely an element of "well we don't give a fuck about you're feelings, and because you're complaining the next titles will be worse"

I hope that sentiment isn't felt by everyone in those threads becasue it's just very nasty.