about the sn transition topic

[threesocksmorgan]

does this mean we are not going to have a transition topic now for post 16 ?

[CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz]

I mean that I agree with some bits of it. (Really should RTFT first!).

I can see some of what three socks is saying.

The issues I am dealing with with my 14yo would be off my radar entirely for my 21mo. Like contraception.

And dealing with contraception for those who have SN's ISN'T the same as dealing with it for an NT teenager.

I think that possibly having it as a stand alone section would be good, but as HQ say, the techy bit isn't really set up so that a topic can be accessed from two points, and it's taking time to sort that for SEN.

And surely a topic called SN teens and Young Adults does cover the main transition points? You're a teenager at 16, you're a teenager at 18, you're a young Adult at 25.

Tbh, I still class people as young adults until they get to about 27/28. SN's or not. But that might be because I'm getting older...

I would have thought that the new topic DOES cover the main transitions?

[Lougle]

Threesocks, the only thing stopping you getting support in SN Children is your own sense of principle. For years now, you've said that you won't post about your DD's issues because they are personal to her. You won't post about strategies you use because they are personal to your DD. You won't post in SN Children because people who care for children with SN couldn't possibly understand what it's like to have a teenager. That you won't post on the main boards because people couldn't understand what it's like to have a teenager with SN.

When the teenager bit was set up, you complained that it was like tumbleweed, that no one posted and it was isolating. Who did you expect to post? You'd already told us that as parents of children with SN couldn't understand...

You've been told before, that your contribution would be so valued on SN children and we'd love to support you.

[WofflingOn]

I've got a teenager with an SN, and although I sometimes choose to link that to certain topics on the main boards, I'm much happier with a teens/adult section in SN if I want to discuss something specifically related to his needs and the fact that he's coming up to 18 now.
What would be the point of having it on the main boards other than to confuse and frustrate a lot of people who would offer completely inappropriate advice and then get huffy when I said 'That really won't work for him'?
I'm sorry that you think the SN boards are irrelevant to you three socks, but it looks like what you want is unrelated to them anyway, and you want a general 'coping with your young adult' as a mainboard topic. Which is fine, but why talk about it linked to the SN request?
I'm confused.

[devientenigma]

Apparently Lougle The SN section isn't 'opt in' anymore, it's an open board.

The SN board has changed as people chane and maybe it's that what 3socks can't get away with anymore. I find it not as friendly and a bit patronising at times.

Anyway 3socks why don't you create a generic Q relating to transition, not necessarily about DD and post on a few different boards for a response.......like a test, should be interesting.

[Lougle]

Are you sure, Devient? I just went to 'customize' and it says:

"You can opt never to see certain topics in Active Conversations or opt in to see the Special Needs topic (which otherwise does not display). To manage these options (and your list of hidden threads, if you have any), go here (but do save first if you have made other changes on this page)."

I'm sorry you find it not as friendly and patronising. That's horrible . I know I don't post there as much these days, but I'm sure nobody would want it to be that way.

I thought you got quite a good response to your last thread, although nobody had solutions for you; do you disagree?

[devientenigma]

hmm, to hear everyone on the board it's a visible board where anyone can post, haven't looked into settings etc So do you still have to ask MN to join so to speak?

There's a few who seem to know everything, plus if you look through the board, one person could be asking similar to another, one gets everything and the other gets nothing. It's very clicky and as if your name fits, which obviously mine doesn't lol.

Unusually, yes I got a good response without solutions, I'm sure people see my name and steer clear, maybe I should try a name change.

[dottyspotty2]

No its not opt in I left came back with a different name in about January and didn't need to opt in to it.

[Lougle]

I just did a test about the visibility of SN:Children. I re-registered with a different email address.

Although you can find SN:Children on the Talk menu, if you haven't opted in to SN, you can't see SN in the list of active convos.

I posted on Devientenigma's thread in SN:Children as "Optin" just now. I then clicked 'active convos' and it didn't show up.

When I logged back in as Lougle, it showed up.

[silverfrog]

the opt-in-ness of SN is just to stop it appearing in active convos. always has been.

anyone can find it if they look for it via the topic page, or bookmarked etc.

but it does stop the posters who scan down active convos, see a 'arrrggghhh! my 8 year old is not toilet trained and I cant find pull-ups to fit!' thread and bundling in not realising it is in SN. anyone reading that thread is aware enough to have opted in or to have looked for it, iyswim.

threesocks, I am sorry you are not getting what you are after, but I do agree that you have changed what you wanted a few times.

I do understand that teens and young adults with SN are a different kettle of fish entirely, but I don't agree that a separate place is necessarily needed (this is just a difference of opinion, not saying you are wrong for wanting one) - I have posted about teen/adult issues on the SN board and got useful advice.

I know the majority on there have younger children, but that is not going to change with a new section.

devient - sorry you are feeling unloved. I haven't been on the board much recently, but I do try to answer when I can (not that my replies are any bloody use, probably)

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Recently I've seen a lot of posters with teenagers pop up in SN Children, with 14-15 yr olds worried about the next steps. IIRC their threads were answered.

[2old2beamum]

Can someone tell me where to go and ask about my 32 year old DS with Down Syndrome who after a seizure strips naked with great speed. This is true and I love him so much. Only Mums need answer

[coff33pot]

Is it possible to have topic in this carers section in health perhaps?

Maybe with a link to opt in to SN section there. So initially ppl that just lerk or are just testing the water of a forum can use that before fully opting into an children?

as 2 old said her son is 32 but she does have younger DCs perhaps those with just an older adult would not bother using SN.

On phone so no idea if that makes sense x

[2old2beamum]

Coffpot what you say is what I mean Where do us old and not so old mums (and Dads) go, we are not just carers but parents as well. We need to chat with parents who have been or going through the myriad of adult problems.
DD3 went through a phase of announcing to all she was pregnant--hope I did right and told her how "ladies" got pregnant. Fortunately she thought the whole act DISGUSTING--but did I deal with it correctly would have loved to chat with someone who did not roll up with laughter.
Could not have gone on SN children

[Lougle]

"Could not have gone on SN children"

Why not? Don't you think we're mature enough to cope with the concept of a young woman with SN declaring a pregnancy? Why would we roll up with laughter? it doesn't sound remotely funny to me.

[2old2beamum]

I am sorry you just do not get it. The "cute" factor goes and you are on your own,be warned I have learnt with sadness I have virtually no one who understands my lovely adults who are so kind
I now bow out with heavy heart

[Lougle]

Please don't bow out We are all telling you that we are willing to listen, willing to understand....what makes you so sure that we can't?

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Wot Lougle said. Most of us know sure enough that your life IS our life in the not too distant future. To reflect on how we ourselves will deal with your current issues when they become ours gives us the opportunity to plan for them and you an opportunity to hear a fresh and objective viewpoint from people who really do care, if not yet completely in the thick of it.

[QueenOfFarkingEverything]

I do not have a child of my own with SN, but I have opted into the SN topic. I don't post there very often at all, mainly because I feel very much like an intruder and am wary of saying the wrong thing or giving inappropriate advice.

I have a younger brother (a young teenager) with SN that mean he is probably never going to be able to live alone and unassisted. My dad is already over 60 and his wife is nearly 50, we have no other shared siblings and most of the rest of the family live abroad or are estranged - so I know that one day, I will be responsible for my by-then-adult brother's continuing care needs.

A transition topic would be really useful, I think. Myself, I'd 'expect' to find it as a subtopic in the SN topic - that is where I'd go to look for it, anyway. But then it would not reach the wider MN audience that other posters would want it to. Could it be made the case that some of the SN subtopics are opt-in, and some are visible to everyone?

And, 2old2beamum - had I seen a thread about the situation you describe I may well have actually responded to it with some suggestions (it is a situation I feel like I wouldn't be totally out of my depth advising on which is not usually the case ), and I certainly wouldn't have laughed.

[coff33pot]

I understand what 2 old is saying and I have to say I do feel for her. As I feel for threesocks.

1. We do laugh because it is funny the innocent things our children say and do. We try to be lighthearted about things to boost each other on. This is wonderful and it keeps us all going. Really we are at the start despite the long list of battles some of us have had.
   
   But when they are older or like 2 olds of 32 it isnt going to be as funny is it :(
   
   The game of play changes. DD doesnt have SN but yes she has needs at the moment and my experience of Adult Services were mind bashingly horrible. It was confusing and tougher to get heard. I can write hugs and post flowers to threesocks or 2 old but even though I have gone through having a teen its not the same is it...
   
   The not posting in SN I can understand. It is full of parents with youngsters just starting out. Its a great place but not for some more mature parents with mature children/adults with very different next stage battles.
   
   We can learn from them on SN children but we cant honestly say we can support them.
   
   There is also the fact there are brand new parents with young babies. They are worried enough on the future without having it spelt out infront of them what they have to endure in the future whilst they are still panicking on present day stuff. Not without having a choice anyway.
   
   I dont see why there would be an issue having a small topic outside of SN. Health section is calmer than the madness of AIBU or Chat. It just needs to be worked out diplomatically thats all.
   
   Dont want to dampen anyones future with this post or offend anyone but wheres the harm in giving these woman a small corner. One we could well be joining....

[HelenMumsnet]

Thanks for all these posts. Do keep them coming - I'm sure it'll help us all work things out.

One thing we think it's important to clarify, though: the SN section has several topics within it and one of those is SN Children (the others include the new Teens and Young Adults topic, the Parents with Disabilities topic, the Legal/financial topic and a few more).

We do sense (but maybe we're wrong!) that some folks do think the SN section is just the SN Children topic and nothing else...

[silverfrog]

thanks for the reminder re: the differetn topics, Helen.

I think a lot of people are guilty of just that - in my case because he SN:children topic is where most of the traffic is.

we have had posters routinely bumping posts/posting on threads in some of the other topics saying, basically ;this topic doesn't get much traffic. we would hate for you to think you are being ignored. please re-post in SN:children for a better response'

I can see why posters might want a different section, but I am not sure that that different section would actually get any traffic.

overall (and I men this is a wider MN sense not just pertaining to SN topics/sections) I think that the more a section is split and divided, the more chance there is of a post getting lost - posters only have so much time to read MN, and the more that multiple sections have to be checked, the higher the likelihood that posts will be missed.

the flip side of this, of course, is that the there is a chance that a highly experienced/valuable poster would hang out in one section only, and a lot of posters would miss the advice on offer, due to posting in the wrong section.

I know this is not a popular view (again, MN-wide), as many posters like to divide everything up, and there are topic police etc etc, but on the whole I do prefer wider topics so that a broader response can be sought.

[Lougle]

I agree with you silverfrog. I am baffled as to how a separate topic will make any poster feel more understood. If that is the case, surely a 'support thread' within a topic would do just as well...except that the whole issue is that there are not that many people who will have experience of the posts in question.

On one hand, I agree that a separate topic shouldn't be a 'big ask' but on the other, just how isolating is it if someone posts in that topic and gets two replies?

Without getting overly emotive, it does strike me that the SN:Children posters are being told that they aren't 'good enough' to support those posters who are at a later stage in proceedings. Also, if everyone trots off as they approach transistion stages, where does the support for people who have to consider them but aren't there yet come from?

[dottyspotty2]

Lougle nowt to do with being good enough our young people aren't children my DS is 18 and has issues that don't affect children be different when yours are adults I'm sure of it. You will probable feel the same maybe not but I wasn't thinking about where we would be when he became an adult when he was a younger child.

[Lougle]

But dotty, every one of the parents on Special Needs: Children are adults. Why do you feel that as adults we can't support other adults who have responsibility for someone with SN? Why does the fact that they have turned 18 mean that we are no longer able to appreciate the difficulties?