Husband wants a sex toy

[Confoosedandsad]

DH of 10 years has suddenly said he wants a flesh light and I feel absolutely disgusted by it. He has reasons of wanting to improve stamina and he is away from home a fair bit but I am so grossed out by it and feel quite sick at the idea. We haven’t had much sex because of my hormones which I am being upfront about and getting sorted with my doctor. I don’t feel like I am anywhere near good enough now that he wants a toy like this.

I have my own toy but I don’t use it alone because of lack of libido so we mostly use it together which he enjoys. I can’t imagine making him feel replaced and disgusted by my own choice of sex toy.

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[BrandNewBicycle]

IMO this is a bit controlling. If you are allowed to have toys surely he is? Does he tell you that you aren’t allowed particular toys? Cause if he does, IMO that is equally controlling.
Why is an acceptable substitute in your opinion?

[Opentooffers]

Your disgusted by a flashlight, a man employed by the armed forces is an instant turn off for me, for many reasons, each to their own

[Opentooffers]

Fleshlight

[Blokenamechangesexboard]

@Opentooffers

Your disgusted by a flashlight, a man employed by the armed forces is an instant turn off for me, for many reasons, each to their own

Sometimes it makes sense to overcome these things. If I were the husband I'd try and get over a dislike of dildos, for example.

Likewise, it's good sense to try and overcome a EWW! EWW! EWW! reaction to (whispers) sex toys for men.

[Snoozysnoozy]

@Opentooffers what's wrong with the armed forces?

[Remmy123]

I'd feel the same as you OP - no idea why Just makes me feel a bit 🤢😬

[Opentooffers]

I just feel the type of person would likely not gel with my character or lifestyle, however, I keep an open mind so treat as I find, but that's not important to to this thread, probably should not have aired a view on that.
Moving on, what I see here is a couple who have the same insecurities as each other, that being, that the toys might feel better than them, ie. bigger
than him dildo, tighter, or just better somehow, sensation from fleshlight. The reality of course is that there is no comparison to a person, as it's too different and inanimate, so just scratches an itch at the time, may actually help him to stay more faithful while away.

[Brondie319]

Obviously everybody views things differently, so i can only comment on how i would feel about it..
I would rather hubby use something like that (especially if he was away a lot) than resort to the 'alternatives'..
We all have varied sex drives and desires. He's not hurting anyone by having something like that and i don't think it's fair that you deprive him of the choice. He's at least told you about it which shows he loves you and feels comfortable to do so. I have toys myself because hubs isn't overly adventurous in the bedroom so its nice to just sort myself sometimes.
Again, my personal opinion, no offense intended.

[isitsummertimeyet]

@Confoosedandsad

It’s a good job I am married to someone who doesn’t think I am awful then. We discussed it and how it made me feel. My reasons were much the same as his with dildos. So no harm done. But to attack me as awful and controlling? Why do so many of you have difficulties with me having a boundary? Why has no one said that he is a dick for imposing a boundary on me years ago and cheating on me but I am awful and controlling for struggling with him sticking his dick in anything or anyone that isn’t me? Everyone has to be so open with everything to do with sex I suppose. Well, not me. I like my boundaries and they are there for a reason. Just because you would have no problem doesn’t mean I don’t deserve a little support with mine.

if your still holding a grudge about something he did or said years ago i dont think your a suitable match..

you cant hold things said and done over someone indefinately it just wont work, it will end up him resenting you and finding himself a better option..

[SuperJan]

The DH has had a plain Fleshlight for many years.

He says it is great in terms of the physical sensation and is just like being inside a vagina.

But emotionally, it's still masturbation rather than partner sex and I have never been rejected in favour of it.

[Longsight2019]

We bought a penis extender (you insert your erect penis in to a hollow flexible dildo as I was curious to see if my wife was more aroused with a very large, instead of average sized penis. Turns out she likes both, or so she tells me and we use it one in ten times approx. Spices things up.

However, I’ve started using it to masturbate alone in the same way I believe a fleshlight is used. Probably the best orgasms I’ve achieved in my life. Yes, she is aware.

That said, it hasn’t caused any issues because we both still require intimacy with each other on a regular basis.

Not sure if the OP’s partner would be able to handle the inferiority complex that this type of ‘tool’ may trigger, but it’s a great ‘weapon’ when you learn how to use it if you’re both accepting of the potential wider implications.

This www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/penis-extenders-enlargers/penis-extensions/p/lovehoney-mega-mighty-3-extra-inches-penis-extender-with-ball-loop/a32919g58395.html

[customwatkins]

It's just masturbating which he does anyway. It sounds as if your sex life is quite unsatisfying for him, I'd be flattered that he's included you in the decision.

If I were you I'd get on board - buy him one, use it with him, bring it into your sex life in a fun and naughty way - encourage him to use it while away on the phone to you (phone sex, naked FaceTimes) don't allow a fleshlight to exclude you but rather make sure he's thinking of you while using it.

[Veronika13]

People are not ‘attacking’ you by calling you controlling.
You are controlling. Stating facts.

[Veronika13]

Him cheating on your earlier on has nothing to do with this.
Main rule of forgiving the cheating (if you’ve decided to stay - and you have ) - is to not bring up the past , especially when it’s not relevant to the situation.

If he goes for work drinks and there’ll be females - will you also be saying you’re uncomfortable with it and mention that he’s cheated on you at the beginning

Look I wouldn’t have forgiven a cheaper but they are forgiven - you have to let go.

[Veronika13]

*IF they are forgiven - you have to let go.

[Coconuttts]

Joan & Jericha: The Riding Puss
This whole post is comedy gold!

[Coconuttts]

I apologise, I will stop reading this now. Sorry about my last post. Enjoy your tube sex stuff.

[CookPassBabtridge]

I bought one for my DP as seeing him stick his dick into it turns me on

[lightofthetrees]

@Coconuttts pmsl listening to this!