Am I old fashioned for wanting to date before sex?

[Heidi3333]

Hi I'm 45 and haven't had sex for nearly 10 years!!
I have let plenty of men - both
In real life and online - but most of them want sex before even going on a date.

Most recently a male friend I liked came round to my flat to visit a few times. He never once asked me out on a date but
Instead thought it was ok to start feeling my bum when I got up off the sofa to make him a coffee. I told him to p!ss off.

Then another guy who I'm friends with on FB and is a tradesman who has done work in my house a few times started sending me sexy messages and asking for nude pictures. When I suggested meeting for a coffee instead he said he wouldn't be available for 5 weeks as he was too busy.

This is just 2 examples of what I'm on about. If a man behaves like this then it just turns me off and things never move forward.

Am I old fashioned? Is the only way to get a man these days to put out first?

Sometimes I despair 😩

[Hollyhocksarenotmessy]

I'm pretty sure they were all married as well.

[MintyCedric]

It's not ideal, but I must admit that in some ways I much prefer it if a bloke is upfront about what he's after.

I recently spent a few days chatting to an apparently lovely bloke. There were a few cheeky comments but mostly about books, food, our families...he came across intelligent, well read, dry sense of humour, told me he fancied me. I couldn't believe my luck.

Then we got onto chatting about our OLD experiences and I mentioned that about 70% of the guys I'd matched with had gone straight from 'hello' to 'bra size...pics?' and how tedious it was.

Next thing I knew I'd been ghosted! I'd have much rather hed told me what he was after from the outset rather than wasting my time and, tbh, getting my hopes up.

[mistletoeandsigh]

Upfront is fine. But grabbing a friend's arse as a seduction technique really falls short. Subtlety is far more sexy.

[santabetterwashhishands]

Your not old fashioned but I think a lot of people are more open to first date sex than previously,I actually prefer the dates as a kind of build up of excitement.

[gingganggooleywotsit]

Sad I used to love the build up of dating and snogging/touching up before having full sex after a few weeks/months of dating. Soooo sexy! I’m 43 this was the norm when I was last dating at 25. God help me if I ever become single again don’t think I could take OLD

[JustAnotherOldMan]

I used to like to date 1st, but I’m older (50+),
However the last 2 people I dated (no sex), seemed to be after extra things before even the 2nd date (could you pay this bill, deal with this other issue etc), felt like I was being used a meal ticket, so given up on women for now

[gingganggooleywotsit]

Don’t blame you

[Roberts25]

Nope not old fashioned, its actually a great way to filter out abusive men. I alway advise victims of domestic violence to wait until after 6th date to have sex because violent men wouldnt wait that long. I ideally advise to wait until 8th date.

Its also best to wait in my opinion if what you're looking for is a serious relationship.

[Namechangednorth]

In my dating days I never considered having sex within the first few dates, despite maybe feeling the urge because as one poster said it is a great filter.

To be fair I never experienced a bloke that was so shallow and it was always at least weeks before I would have sex and my first BF at 19 it was three months and he was a bit older than me . It was good for the anticipation though waiting