Support thread for parents of Y11 GCSE kids with SEN - no judgement just lots of handholding!

[yawnanotherone]

From another thread, it seems that there are quite a few of us who have to approach this revision period a bit differently! I'd love to share what is and isn't working and just have somewhere we can offload any stresses in the coming weeks. I have a DS with ASD and ADD who is trying his best, but struggling with the amount of content to get through.

[Newtonianmechanics]

Thank you for the thread.

Dd age 15 ASD and ADHD. 38 percent school attendance. A win will be to actually have her in to sit them.

It is so stressful.

[coronafiona]

Childhood cancer resulting in multiple disabilities, can't see or hear very well. Plus two years missed from covid. Cant understand the importance of how you answer a question. Numbed by YouTube and a million apps and channels of communication.
School suggest that I make all the decisions.

I literally do not know where to turn and it is making me ill.

[Leonab]

Studying technique is important to get the best results. What's the studying routine of the children like?

It's more effective to learn in smaller amounts. Not only does this avoid being overwhelmed by too much information, but it allows any details that were revised to be checked later to identify whether the time is right to progress further or to reinforce what was previously studied.

[yawnanotherone]

I'm so sorry that you are struggling too @coronafiona @Newtonianmechanics. I have had a bit of a talk to myself a while back about how after GCSEs, the options open right up for kids who learn differently and have completely stepped back from the A-level route for DS. Have also found a Level 2 course for him rather than Level 3 - they have 3 years from 16-19 to reach level 3 so he doesn't need to rush. I am still making sure he tries his best in the exams but he also knows it really isn't the end of the world. It is very overwhelming right now I know but just veering off in a completely different direction has helped me to see the wood for the trees

[yawnanotherone]

@Leonab Totally get that, but I am struggling to see how we get through all the content he needs to. I need a teacher to say 'leave that, concentrate on this' at this stage!

[Theordinary]

Hello all, and thanks to @yawnanotherone for the new thread. @coronafiona your post made me feel very sad, your poor child and poor you. It's so awful, the pressure we all feel. Hopefully this thread will help. I have to keep reminding myself that mental (and physical health) is the main priority here. My DD's psychiatrist keeps telling me that. It doesn't stop the constant worry though.
At the moment my DD has around 60% attendance and been formally signed off school. The council are providing home tutoring which starts back next week. Over the holidays she has had no routine to speak of and I think she may be in some kind of autistic burnout with a good dose of ADHD (yet to be confirmed) thrown in for good measure. My patience is wearing thin. My nerves are shattered and I'm actually on the verge of saying F it all and let her retake English and maths at college. I just can't get her to engage. She does attend a weekly session with a maths tutor so we are focusing on that and English. I so identify when @coronafiona said its making her ill. I too feel the same and have actually started on fluoxetine today! I definitely need some solidarity more than advice on timetables and the like, although I'm sure others may appreciate this advice. For my DD I'm afraid its going to do no good.

[Leonab]

@yawnanotherone If it's maths or computing, I can provide a few pointers. In general, the only subjects that have real value at GCSE level are maths and English. Employers don't care much about the other subjects because they aren't covered in enough detail to be of any use.

Another consideration is to identify how topics are reused across the subject - as well as with other subjects. This avoids needing to re-learn the same concepts without realising how they are the same. A lot of maths reuses previous concepts - e.g. fractions, ratio, percentages, probability and decimal calculations are all practically the same concept used in slightly different formats.

[yawnanotherone]

hi @Theordinary and massive solidarity to you too. I am a firm believer in mental health first, absolutely nothing can happen without that. You are doing the right thing - concentrate on maths and English and dont make yourself any more ill. There's nothing you can do with autistic burnout except step back

[Ratbag7]

Hello, I was puffin in the other thread which I started. Grateful to find others in the same boat, it can be a lonely place when other children seem to be sweating about not getting 9s and you'd just be hugely grateful for a few 4s from your DC to get them to the next stage and into something that will make them happy.

[Ratbag7]

I've started to try to relax a bit more and think 'what will be will be'. I've bought DS all the revision guides, helped him with his coursework, fed him well, reminded him to revise, given him a lot of love and attention, not really sure what else I can physically do. Like other posters have said, we just need to keep our DCs well and happy, in a few years GCSEs will seem much less important to us than they do now.

[Leonab]

@Ratbag7 If DS is studying maths, you're welcome to use some of the content I've been creating.

[Sickoftherain123]

Thanks for starting this thread. I was on the other one. DS is only in Y8 but has ADHD and ASD. I can already see the battles ahead. His output at the stage isn’t great, and I fear it will get worse as the pressure builds up.

[Ratbag7]

@Leonab

@Ratbag7 If DS is studying maths, you're welcome to use some of the content I've been creating.

Hello @Leonab that's kind, how can I access it? X

[Ratbag7]

I've managed to get an English and Maths tutor for my DS tonight, probably a bit late but better late than never. He just needs 4s for college. Both male tutors so hope he listens to them (more than he would of me)

[bippy91]

DD15 has ASD and OCD. She has managed to increase her school attendance to about 60% this year since starting fluoxetine (and CBT).

What is comforting me is that her older brother (also ASD) got very mixed GCSE results 4 years ago... and now he's having a great life and literally NOBODY CARES what he got in his GCSEs. As @Ratbag7 says, GCSEs will seem so much less important in a few years.

I ask every now and then whether there's anything DD would like us to do, or if we can help at all, and whether she feels OK about how things are going. So far she doesn't want any intervention. So we leave her to do her own thing. Hopefully she will go in for the exams and hopefully she will be happy with her grades. But honestly the grades themselves don't matter at all. Her mental health matters.

[Theordinary]

@Ratbag7 that's good news about the tutors. I think your approach sounds really lovely. It's getting a good balance and it sounds like you know what you're doing. I agree that one of the hardest things is speaking to other parents of high achieving kids. I feel quite judged at times. In my family a close relative once said to her child in front of mine how a 4 is really low grade etc etc. and she still remembers it now. Its a toxic thing to hear when you're struggling so much just to keep your head above water.
@yawnanotherone i really appreciate this thread, already I feel much better just seeing I'm not alone with these problems
Thank you the offers of help too
@Leonab

[Theordinary]

@Sickoftherain123 I also have a son who is in year 8 with asd/ADHD. I know I've got all this to worry about again for him too. It probably sounds awful but I can't wait for the school year's to be over. The stress and pressure for them is just dreadful these days. Looks like we'll be on this thread for a while!
@bippy91 I'd be interested to know how your DD is getting on with the fluoxetine in terms of ability to focus and study. My DD started on it in Jan and it's lifted her mood but she feels quite drowsy on it. She's sleeping in until lunchtime. That could be Burnout though. I have to stop myself getting cross with her. This is why I need to sort out my own mental health as well. Apart from the trip to the maths tutor yesterday she's not studying at all. Your story about your DS gives me some hope for the future, thank you.

[TeenDivided]

Just popping on in solidarity.
My DD2 missed all y11 in covid due to MH issues (ongoing but improved now), has 4 GCSEs at grade 3 from teacher assessments.
World didn't end. Did 2 years successfully doing Level 1 Animal Care, currently on 'Gap' year trying to get English FS and getting work experience, may return to college in September for level 2 course.

From DD1 who has dyspraxia and needed 1-1 help with revision I'd say focus on what's needed for next steps, and help with revision if they'll let you.

[bippy91]

@Theordinary If your DD started Fluoxetine in January then it may be quite early days - I think there's a significant adjustment period. My DD felt nauseous at first but has adjusted now. She is on a high dose (60mg).

It's hard to say about her feeling drowsy. She has terrible sleep/nightmare issues anyway, so quite often slept half the day in any case. Funnily enough we were told she should take fluoxetine early in the day, because it might keep her awake! But we haven't noticed any such effect, and now she takes it late afternoon with food (we started doing this hoping it would prevent the nausea). DD tends to be a panicker and on high alert, so if the fluoxetine is making her feel more dopey then that may actually be a good thing in her case!

I would definitely mention the drowsiness at your DD's review appointment, if it's still happening - there may be a more suitable medication she could try. It's so hard to say with these things because everyone has their own chemistry. Wishing you and your DD all the very best 💐

[azafata2]

Hi

I am a SENCO. Do they have access arrangements for the actual exams. For a student with high needs I would be really surprised if the school has not applied for extra time, rest/movement breaks/laptop to do the writing on, reader etc.

[TeenDivided]

@Theordinary My DD2 takes her Fluoxetine with breakfast. The consultant said it has an energising effect. She was on 40 at one point but is now on 15 four years later. When she started, made a bit of difference at 20 but only at 40 could she start any schoolwork. She managed about 30mins a day only to do prep for teacher assessed tests in 2021.

[Ratbag7]

I have a call with our local CAHMs team at midday to talk about my DS's autism assessment (8 months ago!!). It's only for 20 minutes - trying to work out what issues to raise. I think an ECHP might be good so he can carry on with education post 19 if he needs to but they sound a nightmare to get. Anyone got any suggested questiions? Thanks

[TeenDivided]

@Ratbag7 Following DD missing all of y11 (see above) we applied for an EHC Needs Assessment early in y12 when it quickly became clear she was not coping (and the response from college to any request was 'does she have an EHCP?'

The need for an assessment was agreed v. quickly. The Actual EHCP itself isn't so good misses some important things and focuses on less important imo, but college and I took a pragmatic approach , ignored the things we didn't think were college's 'problem' and got suitable adjustments in place (including dropping down a level of course).

I got good help from the SEN board on what to write. Basically need 1) showing she had SN, and 2) showing she wasn't coping without adjustments.

Suggestion to help you focus, write a list of everything your DC struggles with in school/life and anything that may get worse due to 6th form/college.
Write down what adjustments he has (or would benefit from) for each and to what extent that is so far sufficient. That might give you info to pick from for an EHCNA request letter.

[Ratbag7]

Thank you, this is very helpful @TeenDivided. I recognise your user name from previous threads I’ve been on with different user names and you’ve always been really helpful and insightful. The reason I change my user name every so often is that my DS will not acknowledge his autism diagnosis at all so I don’t want to inadvertently out him when I am looking for support

[Newtonianmechanics]

@yawnanotherone

@Leonab Totally get that, but I am struggling to see how we get through all the content he needs to. I need a teacher to say 'leave that, concentrate on this' at this stage!

I am a teacher. I can for Maths and Science tell me dd what to
Concentrate on. Does it help? Absolutely not. We just end up arguing.

Every day I have offered her to sit with me and learn every day there is an excuse. Apart from one where she did not focus.