Help: Would you move a reluctant 16 yr old from India to the UK for A levels?IB diploma

[BetteDavisthighs]

Hi, I posted this in Living Overseas but am also posting it here.

Hello. I am new here and looking for help with a v difficult situation. Pl be gentle! Sorry, this will be long but I am trying not to drip feed.I am a life-long expat and trailing spouse of Indian origin. Moved around a lot when kids younger, now back in Mumbai, India ( my hometown) for the last 6 years. My husband just got word that his job here has been eliminated. He has been offered a new job in London, but not on an expat package as previously. ( his employer is phasing out expat packages), so no school and rent covered. He is 50 and there are v few jobs in his industry, so not much negotiation possible.

DS is 15, and in Grade 10 of the IGCSE and doing v well at an academic IB school which sends most of the class to Ivy Leagues/Russell Group unis overseas. I assumed he would move with us after finishing out Grade 10 here, but he has surprised me by announcing that he does not want to move for the next 3 years. His suggestion: he asks my mom to move in with him and he finishes out his entire education in India. ( he's not keen on boarding school) For reference, he is v close to my mom who is in good health, and extremely savvy in all things to do with teens. ( not the typical Indian mom). He also suggests that I go back and forth between London and Mumbai, spending 6 months in each so he gets some supervision and help.

I have lived in the UK before and love it, and am so excited to return, even to Brexit Britain. But
have been told by British friends that it is extremely difficult to move kids at age 16. Also, I am told that he will not be able to adapt to state school, so I will have to fork out a ridiculous sum for private schools. I am open to him moving to A levels ( considering Southbank and the usual trio of Kings, St Paul's and City of London Boys). We can just about afford it as it's only for two years, and we have considerable savings and rental income. It might be worth it to keep the family together. But I am worried that he will take so long to adapt that he might mess up his A levels or the IBDP, and then his college chances will be blighted. At the same time, i think it's such a good opportunity for him to travel. But I guess he is no longer an expat child and is now more Indian than expat.

What would you do? I fear either option is going to end up a big mess. DH thinks moving kids at age 16 to a v different country is too tough to contemplate, I think he should suck it up ( but am not sure).

[Answerthequestion]

I would bring him over after his IGCSE’s. There is huge movement at 16 and you could even consider a good state 6th form college like Woodhouse in Finchley where all students are both new and doing A levels. There is a huge Indian community in north London, mostly British born, mostly Hindu but also a sizeable Muslim and Sikh community and It’s well integrated he would find it easy to make friends with a mixed group of kids both of similar and different backgrounds.
I’d look at north London - City is a good option really multicultural but they do ask high grades for their 6th form and it’s boys only. UCS has a co-Ed sixth form and ask for lower grades. Highgate is co-Ed too. Lots of good state options, Woodhouse is an excellent 6th form college, Mill Hill County is a high performing comprehensive or you could go out towards Hertfordshire and look at the excellent semi selective state schools like Watford grammar or Parmiters. Camden school for Girls has boys in their 6th form so all boys are new together.

[solittletime]

Won't being in the UK for 2 years prior to university help with student fees? Otherwise he would have to pay as a foreign student?
I don't know the ins and outs, just something to think about.
He can def do IB in international schools in London.
Switching to A levels would alsi not be majorly difficult to be honest. He'd probably find A level work easier

[pikapikachu]

16 is a common age to move. My parents were expats and I came back to a UK Sixth Form and I'd estimated that 25-30% were new to the school. It's hard for the child socially- making new friends etc but the academics should be fine.

My daughter goes to a state school and started Sixth Form this week and 30% of people were new.

There's obviously a risk with exams especially as your son might fail them on purpose to avoid going. It might be worth finding out from your target schools what percentage are new for Sixth Form to reassure him.

Have you thought about an International school if you wanted to continue with IB?

[physicskate]

@solittletime - as he does not hold settled status (and been present in the uk for three years by the time he starts uni), he would be subject to international student fees... so that's not a consideration here.

[ittakes2]

I wouldn't move him - yes technically he can move and others do - but he doesn't want to. Also, other people have said that they know other children who moved and were happy...but children are all different just like adults are - there will be some happy children and some unhappy children. He's not just changing schools - he's changing countries and leaving his grandmother who he is close to. Sounds like your hubby might be busy establishing himself in his new role...moving your son is for you - and while that is how I would also feel - I think you need to take your son's opinion into account. A child that does not want to move is going to be a tricky child. My mother tried to move my sister to another part of the country (5 hour flight away) when she was younger, 13/14 years old - almost broke the family apart as my sister rebelled and it put pressure on everyone for years. Things in the family were never the same.

[noodlenosefraggle]

Would you consider not moving with your husband and going on long visits to the UK in the holidays etc? Only on the basis that he doesn't really want to move? Also, how easy would it be to get to a US university from the UK if he wanted to go? My family are also from Mumbai and I got the impression that US universities are trawling India for students. My cousins were offered 10 year visas to go to live in Canada from Mumbai. They have settled there and are very happy. My comments are based on my completely anecdotal evidence, however and the completely emotional thought that Id want my children to be somewhere other than stuck in Brexit Britain given the choice.

[Tweennightmare]

We moved our DD at 16 (from the Middle East) for sixth form . She has just gone into year 13 and it has been a great decision. She was initially not on board but unlike your DS there was no other choice as my DH job relocated back to UK which probably made settling easier. We let her choose where she went for sixth form (she chose a private day school) so she had some control over the decision making and it helped quite a few of her friends also moved back to the UK at this time. One great thing about being back in the UK has been making future university decisions we are just back from an open day today and it has been great being able to make a fully informed decision instead of trying to do it remotely or trying to squeeze uni visits into a quick week visit back to the UK. Also my DD now has a base of friends in our home town which will help her not feel lonely during uni holidays etc.

[gabster33]

For home status for university- not pay international fees you need to be here 3 years.

[Darbs76]

Hi,

My son is 15 and just started year 11. No I don’t think I’d move him at this age. Not unless I really didn’t have any other options. Sounds like your mum taking care of him would work. I let my almost 17yr move back to where we had lived when he was younger for A levels and in with my parents. He was almost an adult then and able to make decisions. I’d have rather he didn’t but it was a difficult situation.

So I’d be inclined to let him stay in India

[BetteDavisthighs]

Hi again,

I am afraid I am back to ask for some more help. Things have moved on. My son is now more inclined to move and has agreed to visit London, and do some school tests and interviews in November, plus have a look see. My question now is: how many schools do I need to apply for? Will only 4 do?

It's been impossibly complicated to narrow down schools, given so many dates clash and we can't be in London too long. But after talking to him at length we chose 5 schools. My son was firm that he did not want a super academic school. So for better or worse we did not apply to Westminster or St Pauls. In his last exams, he got 7 A and 2 As, but SPG asks for 8 A and I am not sure he will get that, which makes unconditional offers v stressful. We have registered for the following schools:
City of London Boys
KCS
Highgate
UCL
Registered for Latymer but they would not take our application for a v odd reason: we have not yet got our Tier 2 visas which are still in process. I tried arguing, but they were firm that we need to have a right to stay in the UK right now, and not when he enters in 2020.

Latymer declined our application so late that I have missed the deadlines at Merchant Taylors and several others. The Alleyns interview date does not work for us. I am now considering Ibstock, Whitgift and Bancrofts. Though none of them seem sufficiently academic to me?

I have been told 4 schools are enough for a 6 to 7 A* student, but I am not sure. Any advice?

[cakeisalwaystheanswer]

Competition for 6th form places at KCS is ridiculous, DD knows a number of girls who got straight 9s at GCSEs but were not offered places. Places are allocated according to performance in the Nov exam and interview and I think there are just too many very bright girls applying for them all to get places. DD sat more subjects and has better results than your DS's predicted but we never considered KCS for her. DS1 was at KCS and the 6th formers joing are all incredibly bright which is why KCS A level/IB results often surpass St Pauls/Westminster which you are avoiding for being too academic!

I know nothing of the other top three but if they are co-ed or boys schools allowing girls to join in 6th form it will be very competitive as lots of very bright girls leave single sex schools for A levels. Your bottom 3 have the following results for A levels last year which are the only results relevant to your search:

Whitgift 64% A/A 93% A-B
Bancrofts 67 A/A 86 A-B
Ibstock 61 A/A 88% A*-B

If those results aren't sufficiently academic for you then you are kidding yourself about avoiding super selective schools and you need to put Westminster and St Pauls back on your list, but prepare for disappointment. I have never heard anyone accuse Bancrofts of not being sufficiently academic.

[BetteDavisthighs]

Thanks, Cake, that is a v helpful response. Agree about the co-ed school competition, but DS was also keen on co-eds as it is what he is used to. He's not a v boy's boy, though he is sporty. Where did your DD go in the end?

Regarding KCS it is definitely a long shot but DS did the sample Math paper on the website and found it doable ( prob v outdated though?). I have friends with kids at SPG and Westminster, and without wishing to offend anyone, did think their kids seem rather stressed, despite achieving 11 A* at GCSE. In any case, no point thinking about these schools now.

Thanks also for the Whitgift statistic; I was confused by their stats as I think most boys do IB and I could not see them on the league tables. I think I will apply for either Whitgift or Ibstock then. Whitgift seems truly diverse, which appeals to me.

My main problem , which is why I have had such a hard time choosing, is that academic in one country does not mean anything in another. As does sporty. Hence the confusion.

[BubblesBuddy]

Bancroft would be an excellent choice! Essex would suit your DHs commute too. You should consider it. It is academic! Sometimes it’s not healthy to be around 100% genius DC all the time! You could look at Haileybury too!

[BubblesBuddy]

Also, London school entry is ultra competitive. Why not go a little less competative and go further out of London? If he could board, he would find his niche at Harrow too.

[cakeisalwaystheanswer]

DD didn't move in the end despite me dragging her everywhere mostly against her will.

From what you've said you should stick to co-eds but Whitgift would be more economically diverse than Ibstock as it has a big bursary fund.

[cakeisalwaystheanswer]

Bubbles - there is actually an excess of 6th form places in SW London. I'm sure that there will be an 11+ thread running about how competitive everything is etc but for 6th form KGS, which is a very popular 11+ choice for those moving from state, has a minimum requirement of 4 x 7s at GCSE and at least a 6 for Eng and Maths. Lots of the local state 6th forms are doing very well and the 6th form colleges are very well regarded as well so people move and save the ££s.

OP - have you considered Tiffin? They have a 6th form intake and are co-ed now, have a look.

www.tiffinschool.co.uk/home.html

[Veterinari]

Just one additional thought...

If he does his IB/A levels in the UK would he then qualify for domestic uni fees? If he finishes schooling in Mumbai, would he be considered an overseas student and subject to international fees?
Might this sway him if he's considering Uk universities?

[BetteDavisthighs]

@Bubbles: thank you, I will look at Bancroft though its exams appear to clash with others. I am not keen on boarding school, and neither is he.

Cake: I think your daughter was wise. Moving in the sixth form is really complicated. I think a couple of boys schools might be wise to throw into the mix, and Whitgift is really sympathetic to our circumstances unlike some others.

Veterinari: This was discussed upthread. He will not quality for domestic fees as he needs to be here for 3 years.:) But I am considering the whole ILR angle, pointed out by some posters.

Thanks everyone, I am just going to see how it goes and take each day as it comes

[stucknoue]

There's excellent state 6th forms too. My DD's college, just a normal state school, sent 8 kids to Oxbridge last year, tutoring is unheard of and 1/4 kids have English as a second language.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

Honestly no. India, and in particular private schools in Mumbai / Delhi / Ahmedabad , are on a par with Eton and Harrow when you look at academic results and future job prospects. And UK employers / universities know this which is why so many of them make special allowances for Indian students / grads. You could keep him in India for his entire education and he still won’t have a problem getting a grad job in the UK if that’s what he wants later on.

[JoJoSM2]

@stucknoue

EAL pupils are higher achieving than monolingual children.

OP, is your preference for a co-ed school? Have you considered Epsom or Caterham? Academic but also a lovely experience with massive grounds etc.

Royal Russell is slightly more mixed ability (average to v academic range) but co-ed and ethnically diverse and has a lovely campus.

I wonder if your son might find such schools more impressive and be more likely to move.

[JoJoSM2]

www.compare-school-performance.service.gov.uk/compare-schools?for=16to18

You might also like to have a look at the official stats which are available also for independent schools for Sixth form.

[OrangeBuddha]

Hi! A few Indian friends have posed this question before. I think you should look into uni fees. The difference between resident versus non resident fees is quite steep. One option to consider would be to bring him to UK with you so he has the required residency + 1 year as gap year before he applies to UK uni places. It's not unheard of, so check the fees before you decide.

6th form at grammar college will be an option but independents might be a better choice to make his settling in smoother & hand holding with the UK academic processes/uni applications.

The ILR eligibility is your most important issue here as you don't want your son to come here under Tier4 rules. Best to have him in your ILR application.

[Answerthequestion]

Add UCS in Hampstead to your list, great school and lower offers. St Alban’s boys is also good.

Brampton College in Hendon is a private 6th form college and gets excellent results. He will get an offer from there. Look at Habs too, they may only offer limited spaces but it would be foolish to dismiss them

As back ups Aldenham and Mill Hill will certainly accept him. Smart kids will do extremely well but they aren’t high flying schools but they will do a really great job of helping him find his feet in a new country.

[BetteDavisthighs]

@Grumpyhoonmain I feel your user name:) I agree that Indian schools seem to get better results certainly. Really not sure how since teachers are fairly average; think it's because the kids are v driven ( and also tutored)

Jojosm2, thks for the link and the reccos. Think I am more or less set with 5 schools.

Answerthequestion: I have applied to UCS, thank you. I mentioned it as UCL further up thread but I meant UCS! It does seem great.