After school care at secondary school?

[3Kids3]

We live in SE London and have our eldest transferring to secondary. Until now I have always used the Afterschool care attached to the school however this won't be an option in year 7. Do any secondary schools run after school care for years 7, 8 and 9? I'd be happy to leave her at home until I return from work by year 10 but not until then really. I don't want the expense of a nanny and childminders are unappealing as she prefers to be in a larger group with space to run around and structured activities.
What do others do in this situation?

Yes Gloria: Many of the adolescents I work with are traumatised by a lack of a caring adult presence when school is closed. Many become involved in gangs as a result of a lack of parental input.

I am not saying this is the case for all adolescents as clearly it is a complex issue but equally one should not assume all young people are happy being left alone.
I will make some more enquiries locally and also chat with my daughter. I suspect she would like to have the house to herself but I don't necessarily think she us mature enough yet to cope with the full range of issues which could occur.
Thanks for all your feedback though.

3kids

I agree with you and always made sure I was here for them after school, but am a sahm.
Our town is full of dc whose parents believe they are mature and at home doing homework rather than causing trouble on the streets. It reminds me of the women who think their dh won't leave them. It's somebody else's child/dh not yours.
Amazing how some want to believe it, I agree.
There aren't any after school clubs for secondary usually, it does seem to be a lack of thought from childcare providers.

I suspect they're traumatised from many years of neglect and their parents never prioritising their needs, even when very young. I doubt any child who was brought up securely, in a loving home in which their needs are understood and met, would be traumatised by being home alone watching telly for a couple of hours. I do hope you can see the presumably massive difference in the backgrounds of the kids you work with and that of your own child.

If you've never left her home alone before start now. Leave her for 20 mins at the weekend while you pop to the shop or drop one of the others off. Build up her and your confidence. Rules - don't touch cooker, answer door or phone. Get her a mobile so she can text you and you her if you're delayed.

Can you reduce your working hours so you are in after school , you may find that your dd gets some issues if she is seen as needing a 'baby sitter' . Alternatively maybe a private school where there is a more structured after school provision .

It's OK to let them stay at home as long as they can get in and have a snack etc. I had to wait in the garage/garden for up to 3 hours because my parents wouldn't let me have a key to the house even though they were at work when I got home from school.

Ds is at a private school. After school care is simply supervised library/common room until 5pm

Op I said you were entitled to make your own choice about your dd.
The fact that you are a child psychotherapist doesn't surprise me. Academic knowledge is no substitute for parental experience.
I say that as someone with my own degree in psychology and experience working with vulnerable children.
I am currently a sahm so my opinion is not based on convenience or cost saving on childcare.

Dd1 is going to be coming home after school by herself for the first time in September. Her new school finishes later than her old one, and then she has to get the bus. So on the days she doesnt want to go to any clubs after school she will be in at around 4 and i will get in after 6.

I have though organised for her to go back to her after school club during the holidays for year 7, but i think she might not want to go as the year goes on.

At her after school club there was a girl who continued to go in year 7 and 8 because her mother didnt get in from work until after 9 and didnt want her to be alone for that long. She hated it, the children at the club were too young for her and the girks at school weren't particularly nice about her going to childcare.

Honestly I do see your point, it's a long time to be on her own every day. Could you try some care for the first while and see how you get on?

Maybe try a childminder who she can go and hang out with, it's not so much that she needs minding. More that it's nicer to be able to go home to someone there.

We have used a public sector employee's holiday club for full day care since year 7 during school holidays. DD is often the oldest one there, but the staff treat her like an extra member of the team. During term time we initially booked her into school & other clubs, but they often got cancelled without notice. After a while we let her come home, have a chat with us both by text,then get on with her homework until one of us gets in. She goes to a friend's house if the weather is too grotty to walk home alone from the bus stop. She hadn't started doing drugs or joined a gang yet, despite 2 years of this. I can only suggest that you compromise your own working day if you are concerned about her being home alone.

Au pair?

DD comes home drops her bags, goes to the park with friends and comes home when hungry. I trust her to be sensible and shes been fine. No drugs or sex here either.

Ds1 is going into Yr6 in Sept, and I have been thinking a lot about this. DH and I work full time, normally getting in about 6ish. DS1 will probably go to a v.local school, so no handy bus journey to lengthen the day !

I do trust him, but think it is a long time to be alone at a time when he may well want to talk about friendship/school based issues and will also need support/encouragement to do homework. I have a growing feeling that as he ( and then ds2) become teenagers, they will need us more than when at nursery/primary school age. I also don't want him to be the 'boy with the empty house' as that can lead to a bit of peer pressure for mates overt etc.

I spoke to our current childminder recently, and she is happy to keep taking him throughout Yr7 , so I think I will stick with that. He can also still go to the after school club she runs. If he ends up not going on some nights, fine- at least it is there.

I am still pondering whether full tiem work and teenagers will work- but that one may run and run...

You could always approach a childminder.One of my neighbours is a CM exclusively for Y5, 6 7s and 8s.She has a gazillion of them and lays on 'older activities' I often see them playing in the back garden she has a zip wire!!

My DS1 starts secondary in September too. The latest I usually get home is about 5pm and he would probably get back from school by about quarter to four. He has stayed home alone for short periods of time and is fine with that but doesn't like the idea of letting himself in to an empty house. Fortunately we have family close by so he is going to go there and I will collect him later.

I think it is personal choice, if you aren't happy leaving your daughter then you are right to look in to child care. I am not sure I would be happy leaving my son to fend for himself until 6pm from the start of year 7, if I had a choice so can see where you are coming from. I think the best suggestion would be to let your daughter stay at school until 5pm if she can and then by the time she actually gets home, she will only be alone for a short amount of time. Would your work allow you to change or reduce your hours slightly to accommodate or is there anyone else to help out?

Adolescents need just as much care and nurture as younger children but for some reason many people think this lessens as they turn 11

Yes of course they do but it's about balance. I do see your point about children being left too young, but you have gone too much the other way if you don't mind me saying.

So you wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a child alone till Year 10? Coming round for 15? My oldest dd is going into Year 10 and I have been leaving her alone for short periods for a few years, gradually increasing the length of time. She has travelled into Central London by herself. She goes out with friends locally involving bus and tube travel. I know all children are different but this is very much the norm among her friends.

If it's the care and nuture you're worried about, how much of this do you think she'll get at a childminder? CM will probably be rushed off her feet looking after the little ones, I doubt he/she will have much time to chat.

Yes exactly balletgirlmum

It's a parent's job to bring up independent individuals. That doesn't happen overnight, it's a gradual process.

OP, can you change your working hours?

If you don't want your DC to be alone, you have to pay for child care.

There will not be after school child care provided by secondary schools.

Detention will finish at 4.30, so even that won't take up much time.

After school clubs will also be until 4.30. But will you be happy with your DC getting home by themselves?

At the end of the day, if you are not at home for your DC, and you don't want her to be alone, you will need to employ someone to fill this roll.

Over the years, I have had grandparents, and friends help me out, finding a childminder to collect impossible, but know of several nannies/mothers helps/ au pairs who work for 3 hours in the afternoon (as well as AM) and cook for DC.

You may also want to consider school holidays, if you haven't already.

If you want regular care for your child, after-school clubs at secondary are not going to be sufficient. For starters, very few run on Fridays and they tend to be cancelled at a moment's notice for teacher commitments or because the room is unavailable or once it gets close to exams the teachers tend to be occupied with after-school revision etc. Your DD may be sociable but I also doubt that she will want to take part in an activity every day after school. It's exhausting! The later she comes home the busier it is going to be in rush hour and she will be travelling in the dark. I know you live in London but you need to factor in whether you are happy with that.

I don't think I am over-protective but I would not leave my Year Seven child home alone till 6:30 pm every day. I do leave him sometimes but not daily and not that long.

I would ask local childminders, as I don't think secondary school kids affect their ratios. Or hire someone to be in your house?

My son just finished y7 and while he started by doing a lot of clubs, as he got more settled and realised how much homework there was, he rationalised to only a few. So even if you think you have clubs as cover, it may not work for you.

3Kids3 - do you know any sixth formers who might be happy to go home with him and do their homework with your DS to keep him company for a bit?

Dd just finished y6, and would be mortified if I arranged for after school care at secondary. Easter hols and half term she did some formal day camps, but took herself there and back, and her friend wanted to do the same so they flitted between each other's homes, went swimming, into town, went to the park etc, met up with other friends with sahps etc. If anything it was as expensive as holiday care, my motivation was entirely she wanted to do it, and we've built up v slowly. I've also left her for a few hours till 9 while I'm shopping or similar. She thinks it's great.
I do however have good neighbours who would help in an emergency, and I've secretly checked with, and found dd has done exactly as we've agreed.
Unless you live somewhere very remote, I really think now is the time to gradually build up to independence. Being the y7 at childcare really isn't going to be pleasant for her.
The 14 line is also rot. There's absolutely no fixed rules, it's something that would only be judged on a case by case basis to see if it contravened child protection. Leave your immature and clueless 15yr old alone for the night when they've always been supervised, they'd have grounds to object. Leave your sensible 7yr old for 5 mins while you feed the neighbours cat and there's sod all anyone can object to.

Based on my dd's own experience of Y7 and that of colleagues/friends (using a range of schools), you will also need to consider the amount/management of homework they receive.

My dd received lots of homework in Y7 and it used to take her far more than the 90 minutes that the school said we should allow for. This was for a number of reasons - some subjects were new to her and some were much harder - also some involved lengthy practical tasks. Often teachers required the homework to be done by the next day. I found that it took about a year for her to manage all of this - it is a skill that they need to learn themselves.

Any arrangements that you put in place will need to allow for this. For example, if you used a childminder outside your home, there would need to be space for your child to start there homework, as it would be too late by the time she got home.

I think that if I was in your position, I might see if I could find a gap year student to come to your home after school, see if I could negotiate to leave work earlier on a couple of days a week and encourage a couple of visits to the school library after school on other days.

As others have said, children change rapidly during Y7 and I think that even if you put some of these arrangements in place, the need might reduce by Y8. However if you have younger children, they will also have the same concerns when they go into Y7, so perhaps an after school nanny is the answer.