The head of year has rung and left a message saying she's worried about dd concerning how happy dd is and regarding problems dd is having with other kids.
I'm surprised she's rung to be honest as these problems have been going on for a year and I spoke to the HOY (same teacher) last year who seemed quite dismissive and made me feel I was been all PFB about it.
Dd seems to have a couple of friends who she gets on ok with but apart from that there seems to be quite a few girls who take pleasure in been nasty towards her. Dd was unhappy in Yr 7 a lot of the time, saying she spent quite a bit of time alone, etc. not just that but people were been low key nasty towards her every day, name calling, saying she's a geek, that she's weird, etc.
The constant name calling is getting her down and I worry about how its affecting her confidence. She was crying last week - not even over a specific incident and said she didn't feel safe but couldn't tell me why. I obv talk things over with her, give her little pep talks. I've bought her all the books about girls and friendships, etc.
She came home from school on Monday saying boys had been talking and laughing about her on the bus. Then Tuesday someone shoved a desk into her stomach on purpose and someone else threw a chair at her. This is in lessons, dd says the teacher is oblivious! Then more name calling in the next lesson.
When I speak to the HOY about it what should I be expecting her to say/do to try and sort the situation? Could I ask about counselling for dd as I am quite worried about how down she is. Would this be a CAHMs referral or could they do something in school.
Honestly I read in the news about girls who have committed suicide due to low level bullying like this over years and it frightens me.
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Ive been worried about dd at school for a year and finally it sounds like school are too.
VivaLeBeaver · 06/11/2013 17:50
If they did tell her to fuck off i could kind of see why she couldn't ignore it! 
These two aren't the two girls who are dd's friends btw!
They do come round here quite a bit as they live close by and I'm a soft touch with pizza and DVDs. They get on ok with dd but don't really have much in common with her so I think they all hang out when they're bored and it suits them.
OP, the Police are obligated to respond to these crimes. I was given this information by a serving police officer who works with schools. There is nothing stopping you reporting them to the police. Most people don't realise this because there is an expectation that children should tolerate crimes that adults would not. why? 
Viva. We had exactly the same problems with my DD, even down to the same name calling, ugly, weird, the Virgin Mary etc. School were sympathetic and recognised the problem, it was recognised as a very difficult year. However they did not act on my DDs individual bullies because they felt that would make the problem worse, the main perpetrator was very clever and never let anyone see what she was doing. Instead they acted on any blatant bad behaviour and organised counselling for DD which she hated. When her sports kit was stolen by one of the bullies along with the watch in her pocket and another girl informed on them the school came down heavily and suspended one girl with the result my DD was ostracised and subjected to even more nastiness. She was very unhappy but didn't want to move school either. Her confidence suffered. The only compensation was that she did have a good friendship group but they were too scared of the bullies to do much but be supportive privately, and a couple of them left because of the atmosphere of bullying.
She finally started at a new sixth form after GCSE and she is completely transformed, lots of friends, invited to parties and included in activities. Academically she has flown (though it is a school with a less stellar academic record)and her confidence increases daily. I don't know if things would have been different if the school had acted differently short of excluding the bullies. From the response to the theft I would say they may have been right and it would have made things worse. These characters pick on someone vulnerable to build themselves up. Sometimes I felt that having bought my daughter up to have empathy and respect for others were what made her a target and there was something to be said for the old fashioned "give them boxing lessons so they can thump them" approach. I really wished we had moved her earlier.
I hope you find a way through this. Your letter sounds very good. What I can say for my DDs miserable 5 years is that she says she is now well equipped to handle the bullies she will sadly encounter in real life 
However they did not act on my DDs individual bullies because they felt that would make the problem worse
More like they didn't want to have to deal with the bullies' parents rushing to their DCs defence.
I found out to my cost some years ago that there is no nastier creature than a parent who has been told that their child is a bully.
The school took the easy way out and let your DD down big time, Shooting. They created a culture where bullying wasn't challenged and the bullies took full advantage of that. Your poor DD. I'm so glad she'd out of that situation now 
Goldmandra I do think the school let my DD down and that the fact that the main perpetrator of my DDs bullying was clever and wasn't actually one of the badly behaved girls but used the bullying of my DD to earn brownie points with them whilst giving the staff every appearance of being charming (she is almost certainly a sociopath) meant that they preferred to keep her onside at my DDs expense. However to be fair to the school the parents of the main gang were called into school on a regular basis, not least because those girls had some horrendous home stories, it was all attention seeking by some pretty disturbed characters. I just think the school just couldn't cope with the degree of dysfunction in the year and allowed the madams to manipulate the norms. When we gave them notice the Head of Year asked why we were leaving and when I replied that it was the year group, he said "I don't blame you"
It sounds as though this school have also lost control.
Poor dd.
Goldmandra has given excellent advice.
Sending best wishes for next week.
Yes my DD had a lot of time off with undoubtedly anxiety related ailments. This year she hasn't had a single day off. Agree *goldmander's advice is good. We involved the doctor as well because my friend's son had become a school refuser after stomach problems persisted for months because of the anxiety associated with going back. In his case it took a child psychologist to break the vicious cycle and we didn't want it to get to that stage. (He by the way also settled in the end, did well and is now the social sec for his university sports club, as well as pin up in one of those dodgy university sports club calendars with strategically placed sports equipment 
)
I feel so sorry for your DD, it is a horrible thing to be facing and I just hope the school get behind her with the support she should be getting.
Oh Viva that's made me fill up! It's awful that school can do this to a child.
Be prepared or her to dig her heels in tomorrow. If that happens do everything you would normally do in terms of behaviour management, e.g. removal of basic privileges, and if that doesn't work let it go. Don't get angry or push it to extremes. If she's too anxious to go in no amount of threatening and punishing will work and you'll just end up with a miserable child at home with 101 punishments hanging over her head. Make a note of what you've done and that those strategies usually work with her and also put it in writing to the school.
If she stays at home make it a school work day. Get her to do something related to school-work of her choice, even if it's going on BBC Bitesize, and make sure everyone knows that she hasn't been allowed to lounge around in front of the TV. That's important evidence that she isn't playing you.
If you need to agree to pick her up early in order for her to go in then do it. The school won't be happy but getting her to cross the threshold is the main goal. Do whatever it takes to make her able to do that for at least a part of every day. Don't allow the staff to persuade you to break any promises. She really needs to be able to trust you right now.
I she can't attend you won't win any battles with the school. It's a shame because they will get away with it again but you have to put your DD's needs first.
I hope you manage to get a taster day sorted for her.
I hope you've got some 
or 
there. What's happening is bound to be taking its toll on you so make sure you look after yourself too.
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