150k EDUCATION DD WANTS TO DO HAIR AND BEAUTY BTEC AT FE COLLEGE

[helenjackson2]

HI I AM NEW TO THIS FOURUM.DD CURRENTLY AT TOP GIRLS BOARDING SCHOOL SOUTH EAST.10GCSE GRADE A A* EXPECTED OXBRIDGE POTENTIAL.WANTS TO DO BTEC IN HAIR AND BEAUTY AT LOCAL FE COLLEGE WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP HER STUPID AND IDIOTIC IDEA.HELP

[GetOrf]

Oh no don't cry.

You father chose to spend all that money on your education for reasons best known to himself. He didn't have to. And it was his choice. Just because he spent the money on your schooling as opposed to a porsche and golfing weekends (or whatever) doesn't mean that the responsibility of it should be on your shoulders. He is being monstrously unfair.

[abbeynationall]

Posted early,
What kind words Get!!
I hope there will come a time when I will stop feeeling like an utter failure. I didn't ask for it for sure , so for it to come with conditions is just unfair! Ignore the crying, it catches up with me smetimes

[BadgerB]

All (well, most) 16 y.o. girls want to do fashion, hair, nails etc. because they see it as a route to being beautiful. Very important at that age. I agree with the several posters who have said compromise - get good A levels first, then you'll support her doing the BTEC she wants. She will probably tire of it quite quickly.

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

OP, I'm sorry to hear that your educational needs weren't addressed at school. I have a son with Aaperger's and I can imagine how tricky and confusing school might have been for you.

However, this is your daughter's educational journey, not yours (although I realise you are paying for it) so at some point you'll need to let her make her own decisions about it.

[ExasperatedSigh]

All the hairdressers and beauticians I know are very happy and fulfilled in their lives. Including my friend who left a well paid job to pursue make up artistry and has built a very successful career in quite a short space of time, including work on various Saturday night entertainment shows. She's done this through hard work and total professionalism, both of which are great attributes in any working life.

I have a degree and good exam results but would love to be a hairdresser with all those flexible and varied options in front of me
rather than a SAHM who can't find a job.

Take the pressure off your DD and don't judge. The A levels compromise is a good idea.

[BikeRunSki]

My parents had 4 children. My mum says she's always been quite dissapointed that she didn't get a hairdresser or a car mechanic, instead of all the postgrad degrees and professional qualifications we've got, which are largely impractical //hmm.

[Ladymuck]

Boarding school to FE college is quite a jump. Does she just want to be living at home rather than boarding?

[SanityClause]

Helen, despite a lack of qualifications, you have obviously done all right for yourself.

You have earned enough to send your DD to boarding school (£30,000 pa?).

Lots of people don't earn £30k gross, let alone have a spare £30k left out of eir net to send their DC to boarding school.

So take yourself as an example for your DD (as well as your successful sister).

I think you've had lots of good advice on is thread about how you could compromise with your DD, but I wonder if she just misses home. Is there a good 6th form college near you that she could attend, or a sixth form she could join? There is always lots of movement at that stage in any school, so she would be unlikely to be the only new one coming in.

Good luck to you and DD.

[ConfusedPixie]

Another who says that you should ask her to do A Levels first. That way she has a route to go into the higher levels of hair or beauty once she finishes A Levels if that interests her too. Chemistry and Biology would be pretty good ones to do, more biology though. She'd be using chemical processes in daily life and chemistry will give her a greater understanding of the chemicals she's using, how they work, what they do and so on, whilst biology is something she'll have to revise regularly if she goes into anything to do with the massage side of beauty. My Mum is a holistic aromatherapist with sorts injuries trainings and you could ask her anything about the body and she'll know the answer. It's fascinating! If I didn't have arthritic hands I'd love to do some of the massage based courses and aromatherapy courses, they go really into biology on those courses.

She can always change her mind later in life if she doesn't enjoy it too.

[Needmoresleep]

I agree with the Pixie.

If you can try to work out what this is about. A genuine interest in hair and beauty? If so look at careers around it and ask her to think where she would like to be in 10 or 20 years time. Something more scientific like tricology, or owning her own business, or working on film sets. The discussion then is around what qualifications help in a competitive field. Your daughter has a comparative advantage over talented kids who leave school with few qualifications. She should use it.

I suspect there is an element of teenage rebellion. She is trying to assert her authority over her future. This is reasonable and indeed healthy. However it is not healthy for her to make short term decisions that may jeopardise that future.

The modern world is a competitive place. Few of our parents fussed and agonised over our education in the way we do. Sensible children are entitled to feel as if they are the sausage meat in a process designed to turn out good A*s and Oxbridge entries.

A friend's daughter, in a West London private school which expects to achieve around 50% Oxbridge entry, has said she has had enough. She does not want to go to either Oxbridge or London. She slogged to get into the school and for the 7 years she is there. She is getting great results, but now wants to take her foot off the pedal and spend three years on an attractive campus without the pressure and competition. Luckily her mum gets it.

Your daughter may be trying to tell you something. There is room to listen and compromise. I would aim for:

• an agreement to enrol for A levels, albeit in science or business subjects (economics, maths), or art or anything that would support career aims.
  
• work experience through the summer in a beauty salon. (She might find that it is not after all the career for her, and it is likely that colleagues will tell her that they wish they had stayed on at school.)
  
• agreement that she defers university entry till after a gap year or two, eg that she can go to beauty college after school, but with the A levels that would enable her to change track later.
  

Pushing against the "system" at this point is not uncommon. You are right to want to ensure that your daughter does not cut off her future for what might be a short term whim. My guess is that if you do listen and take her concerns seriously, she will come round to the idea of staying on. Leaving her known environment is a big step, and as long as she feels content that staying on is her choice she will probably accept that it is the right one.

[LIZS]

Has she visited the FE college , ask what it is that is attracting her- the lack of uniform and "freedom" , the course it self , practical element , living at home, boyfriend/friends . Does she realise there are other options somewhere between ie 6th form at local state or private school, sometimes A levels combined with practical course sat FE college or in-house?

[beautyjockey]

I did something similar when I was 16 and I have regretted it ever since.

I went to do a floristry course. It was hard, cold and dirty. Hairdressing isn?t much more glam. Sweeping hair, washing hair (especially in cold winters - hands wrinkled), the chemicals and any reactions you may have from constant exposure etc. The nits and lice, which are more common than you might think. Most of those who train don?t stick it and nearly all end up supermarket check out assistants. Most of my course mates ended up there.

The problem is that it is unbelievably difficult to get out and change afterwards. I know posters keep suggesting she can change her mind, but in reality it isn?t easy to make that change. She will have left school and can?t go back. Her options will be A level in an FE if she is lucky or night class.

I did my A levels by night class and was stuck working in floristry for nearly 10 years until I married and had a family. My A level grades were hampered by the teaching and classes I was in. This in turn affected my choice of university and course. My husband supported me through college because I couldn?t get any support elsewhere as an adult returner. I got a degree and went on to be a teacher but I regret the loss of those years now. Had my parents kicked my ass severely I would thank them for it. The problem is they were all about letting me make the choices and at 16 you don?t know what it is all about. I was an arrogant toad who thought I knew it all.

All I actually wanted was to be free of the school I was in and to not have to take any more exams for a year. In fact I wanted to stop at home and do nothing for that year. I wanted a boyfriend and I wanted to go out and do shopping and things but there isn?t a lot you can do at 16 but at 16 you don?t know that (don?t know what things I did want to do really with hindsight. I was just mad about a lifestyle I saw on TV and such) Just have time to slouch out and wait to be found and whisked off to some fantastic life. That isn?t realistic but most 16 year olds don?t know that. Doing a floristry course was the next thing (the beauty course was full otherwise I would have done that). I just wanted to be a girl and not be pressured to do more and more exams. A beauty queen, a singer, a model, they were all in my head.

I think the OP needs to kick her daughters ass and tell her she gets one bite at the cherry after which the way back is hard and the doors do not open in the same way again. Get her to take her A levels at least - and in school, not an FE. Then she has options.

[GooseyLoosey]

I would not be happy if my dd did this.

I would be OK if that is where she ended up (I think), but would not allow her to shut so many doors at 16. She has time to pursue this career after she has her A'levels (and, preferably after university too).

Dh left school at 16 because he did not like the school environment and wanted his independance. He spent the next 15 years trying to reverse that decision and had to struggle through doing an OU degree whilst working - which was no fun and does not compare with the usual student experience.

At 16, dh was not capable of making decisions which affected the rest of his life. He simply did not have enough experience to realise the consequences of his decision. For this reason, I would, as far as possible, not allow my children to do the same.

[wordfactory]

I wouldn't be happy either.

Not because I've paid a lot of fees (htough I have) nor because I don't value hairdressing (I spend a fortune on mine).

I wouldn't be happy because I think it's too early to make such a decision. A decision not to do A levels and get a degree will close many mnay doors. Yes, you can go back, but it is very hard. Hard to get back into academia, hard to be out of step with your peers.

If you do A levels and get a degree you can still becoem a hairdresser...

[INeverSaidThat]

Needmoresleeps is spot on. I would do the same. If after A'levels and work experience she still wanted to do hairdressing I would then be 100% behind her. It is a good career especially if you get decent training.
She may have given this a lot of thought and it would be silly to dismiss this. I would tell you are behind her but would prefer her to get A'levels (or similar) before starting herA'levels. If she doesn't agree I don't see what you can do other than force her........and that will not end well.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

I would be unhappy too, and really insisting encouraging the A level route and possibly even a degree, with a view to doing the BTEC afterwards if that is what she still wants to do in 2 or more years time.

But OP - do you know that this isn't just a way of leaving her current school? Is she happy? Maybe she just wants to come home and sees this as a way of doing that?

I am sure there is more to this than a desire to cut people's hair and wax their bits.

[noddyholder]

Why is it too early to choose hairdressing but not too early to choose A levels?

[TSSDNCOP]

I think those advocating A levels in subjects that would support a business career or lead to University or to FE in Beauty, with a Saturday/holiday job throughout those 2years are the voices to listen to.

I totally understand where you're coming from regarding her wasting her education, particularly as your own was so disappointing. But it's time to take some deep breaths and knee bends and outfox compromise with her, whilst letting her think its all her idea. This is not the time to take a sledgehammer to crack a walnut.

I'm another one that blew it at 18 with stupid I know what I'm going to do and I'm going to do it choices. Subtle but directional parental support at this juncture can avert disaster.

[beautyjockey]

I don?t agree. I am sorry. If my DM had laid the law down and explained the issue firmly I would have had to think about it. I wasn't stupid, I was following the crowd of friends I had at the time. The thing is, their parents made them return to school but they didn?t tell anyone, I was the only silly sucker who ended up leaving.

The point here is that it is rather easier to take A levels at 16/18 and even do a degree earlier and then transfer to some vocational course than it is to go the other way round. I would have not have chosen to be a teacher had my career doors been open by having the A levels first. Good A levels would have taken me into a top university even if I had pursued my stupid beauty ideas after them.

As GooseyLoosey has pointed out the adult experience of taking a degree even at a university as I did it (not OU) is not the same as when you are young and able to be a "student" There are lots of things to commend being a proper student and not being a vocational one in an FE. Had I gone on to take A levels at 16 I would have had more opportunity of enjoying my student years. I think I knew this almost immediately (within a term) of making my choice but at that point the window has gone. You may not believe that but it is true, getting back on an academic course especially in a good school is lost. When I was doing my floristry course there were many people on it who had done A levels, gone to art college and even university and then changed to a more practical career, but it was not as practical to go the other way round. That way round also left a lot of those doing it with more options like the option to return to being a graduate job later if they wished. I didn?t have that.

I do think parents have to give their DC direction. The laizze faire form of parenting is the worst. DC need to have direction and to have it explained properly. There is no satisfactory way back.

I would urge the OP to have that discussion and explain to her DD what the situation really is. If she needs evidence - show her mine and Goosey's posts.

My DC will not be telling me what they want. They already know what I expect and what the consequencies of rebellion will be. I have always told them to think first and act to cut off their exits when they are certain. They may also have seen me cry too often over the way things turned out for me and so they are indirectly "experienced" in that.

[noddyholder]

But she doesn't want to do A levels!

[noddyholder]

I was always artistic at school but my mother was keen to push me academically and so I did O levels A levels Uni etc and had to pursue an artistic career in spite of my education not because of it.

[wordfactory]

noddy for all the reasons beauty has laid out.

Training to be a hairdresser will qualify you only to be a hairdresser.
Taking A levels will put you on the path to a thousand careers (including hairdressing).

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

noddy - because you can choose broad A levels, which will mean that all kinds of doors are open to you in the future. You don't close many doors by getting good grades in core subjects like English, Maths, History etc etc.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

x-posts.

Noddy - so that is fine, you got where you wanted to. The crucial point being that if you had changed your mind at any point along that path and decided that you wanted to be a teacher, or a lawyer, or any of a myriad of other things - those choices would have been open to you because you hadn't closed any doors.