150k EDUCATION DD WANTS TO DO HAIR AND BEAUTY BTEC AT FE COLLEGE

[helenjackson2]

HI I AM NEW TO THIS FOURUM.DD CURRENTLY AT TOP GIRLS BOARDING SCHOOL SOUTH EAST.10GCSE GRADE A A* EXPECTED OXBRIDGE POTENTIAL.WANTS TO DO BTEC IN HAIR AND BEAUTY AT LOCAL FE COLLEGE WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP HER STUPID AND IDIOTIC IDEA.HELP

[noddyholder]

You do NOT only get one bite of the cherry! You are very negative about your own life but that is not everyones experience

[beautyjockey]

You should go back and read my first post. I didnt fail. I made a mistake and I regretted it. I also feel my parents let me down by not giving me the full facts before I made the decision. I was later able to go back and change it. I have a good career but it isnt what I would really have wanted and I wasted a lot of years even though I ran a successful business. I hated every day. I made money but it was hardwork. I pretended I did like it. I also know what the problems are in trying to go back.

[beautyjockey]

You get one bite at the cherry for the academic route. You can have as many as you like with vocational courses.

[wordfactory]

noddy whatever you say it is harder to go back to academia. Not impossible, but much harder. And why would any of us want our DC's lives to be ahrder than they need be?

[noddyholder]

I am not disputing others stories but this girl doesn't want to do A levels! One of my sons mates has been forced like this and is going to uni in september to do a course he has no interest in All at the 'advice' of his parents.He admitted to me a few weeks ago that all he wants to do is be a chef

[noddyholder]

Everyone is assuming that this girl will 'go back'!

[noddyholder]

My ds dropped out of A levels in year one. he then did a BTEC in a subject he loves. He has just had an unconditional offer from a university based on his portfolio 60 places 900 applicants and he is the first person from his 6th form to get on this course Lots of A level students didn't. There are different ways!

[maiacam]

Why don't you suggest she does her alevels somewhere creative and co ed like Hurtwood House?

[Needmoresleep]

Thank you for your kind comment.

The Housemistress' approach does not seem to be helpful.

Something is going on. Hopefully you can have a rational discussion with your daughter on a "meet her half way" basis. You are concerned, not because you have her future mapped out and have invested accordingly, but because you want her to be fulfilled and have a career that is right for her.

I suspect she is saying that she has had enough of being a prize racehorse groomed to jump the hurdles necessary to canter into Oxbridge and into a high-flying professional career. She sounds like a nice and thoughtful child.

It could well be that she wants out of a boarding school. She will not be the first 16 year old who wants out. If so discuss alternatives. Competitive sixth forms may be full, but within the private school network there is scope for schools to phone each other and find places for a child who wants/needs a fresh start. Especially for academic high flyers. Are you near a town with either good private or state academic sixth forms?

Time out, post GCSE, is not the worst idea but it would be difficult to then go back to take A levels within a school setting.

It could also be that she senses that she wants something other than an academic future and a career working long hours in an office. This is not an unreasonable preference. I have a friend who has built a sound business providing at-home beauty treatments to busy, often well-known, people, eg before red carpet events. Money is good and time flexible, she is her own boss, its suits her sociable personality and provides a channel for her drive and organisation. However she would not have wanted to stay in a salon working for someone else and getting backache. I suspect that long term the same will be true of your daughter.

I am not sure how best to turn down the heat and have a sensible discussion. However you could start by acknowledging that your daughter owns her own future and that you are pleased that she has started looking at options. Then start looking at ensuring that at 16 she is not setting those options in stone but keeping them open.

Might it be an idea for her to see a careers guidance councillor who can take her through options?

A decision to take a vocational course at 16 implies she is committed to that vocation. Work experience.....Even if you need to pay them, get her into your local beauty salon for a couple of weeks over Easter and for most of the summer. If she wants to change the world, she is unlikely to do it sweeping hair clippings off the floor. If she is prepared to graft and can see herself owning that salon or using the skills in a different context, then she needs to work back from there to see what qualifications will be most useful. Depending on the college and the quality of the teaching, a basic BTec may not be.

[beautyjockey]

Noddyholder , you seem to be assuming this girl will not go back.

The thing is, if she is Oxbridge material, then it is morelikely she will regret her hairdressing decision in a few years, maybe even only a couple of years, and she will have nothing to fall back on. Many people getout of trades like hairdressing in a couple of years or so. Many of those I went to college with, hairdressers, florists, cookery, etc. gave it up. Those who came in "late" having got degrees first actually were the ones who carried on not the other way round.

If you get a degree fist, then you can always find a job laterbecause all the career changes are available. If you have to start again with taking A levels, options become very limited. That is the way it is. You can say otherwise until you are blue, it wont change it.

[hellsbells99]

Tell her to get a Saturday job & holiday job in a hair & beauty salon. When she realises how hard work it is for not a lot of money, she may change her mind. But as others have said, if it is what she wants, you cannot stop her. Just help to get the best qualifications, then the best experience, and then look to be her own boss.

[TheOriginalSteamingNit]

OP READS LIKE TELEGRAM STOP OTHERWISE TABLOID HEADLINE STOP MAYDAY MAYDAY

[Needmoresleep]

Further thought.

Having some form of beauty qualification would enable her to get paid Saturday work whilst at University.

So a deal might be that she finishes her A levels and does a good, researched, vocational course during her gap year. Then university with beauty as a sideline, or she sticks with the beauty. Going to University a couple of years late with experience of hard work and exposure to the real world is not a bad thing. She will appreciate the opportunity to study better, not least because it is her decision.

[noddyholder]

Ok beautyjockey your opinion is the only one that counts

[beautyjockey]

If , as the OP suggests back a page, her DD is going to do first course rather than the diploma, she is wasting even more time. First course is worthless. Its the one most of the " hair and beauty" pupils take at my school whilst they are doing GCSE and getting day release for. The requirements for that are generally D, E, F grades at GCSE if that.

Its hardly challenging for someone who has GCSE A*'s predicted. Even the Diploma will be sub GCSE A, B C grades at level 3 (as my old floristry tutor always said). I know, I got distinctions at level 3 in floristry and it was just a joke academically for me. Even the practical side was not hard. It was hard work and tough but not difficult. Not challenging. Of course some kid who doesnt have a great brain would find it harder and many I knew with minimum GCSE did find it hard.

She should get her A levels first. Then she can gap year on the B.Tec if she still wants, and decide from there. She holds her university options open that way. Even if she doesnt do Oxbridge. That would be belt and braces approach to a career. Doing vocational first generally isnt a good idea.

One can always go on to a degree later if one has A levels. Going back for A levels seems to have more barriers in place than any other type of course and it just needs to be done first for the best chances.

[lucysmum]

my lovely (male) hairdresser has a degree in civil engineering and I guess associated A levels etc. He just loves hairdressing. Maybe one day he will run his own salon, do something different - nothing is forever. There is more than one route in life whatever type of education someone has had. I was the typical swotty girl, went to uni, very conventional job. My brother messed around, didnt get on with school, had various jobs he didnt like. Eventually realised he couldnt work for someone else, went to agricultural college and now runs his own successful business. One of us went to private school but so what! Eduction for your children is your choice, what they do to fulfill themselves in later life is their choice.

[fiftyodd]

I'm guessing from her grammar that the OP didn't benefit from a great education herself, so the daughter's direction after so much expense is a bigger disappointment than it might otherwise be.

Having said that, I'd be hacked off if my 16 yo dd did the same, and we're not paying for her education.

I have a relative who dropped out of school after GCSEs, became pregnant, and is now divorced from the father of her second child.

But, she went to uni in her 20s, did a law degree, and is now en route to becoming a barrister.

So, it's never too late - in the OP's shoes I would try to influence this young woman, but she is now old enough to decide for herself, and make her own mistakes.

[Fluffy1234]

I did really well in my O levels but decided I wanted a job and my own money. I got a job, hated it and then realised what I really wanted to do was study my favourite subject at university. So after a year working I studied for my A levels and then went onto to do the degree I wanted.
I don't think you can force someone to do A levels if they don't want to and I can't see how the fact you paid for your daughter to go to private school has anything to do with it as that was your choice OP.

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

Let her do it.

You'll recoup some of the £150 grand spent on education no longer having to pay for hair appointments and leg waxes.

Win/Win.

[TheRealFellatio]

I have a simliar situation with my middle child. It's frustrating to think they could so so much more with their lives and it's hard to keep your mouth shut when you think they have sold themselves short, but ultimately it is their life, and I couldn't be bothered to argue with him any more and to have him deliberately fail just to spite me, or to turn around in ten years time and say 'I am not happy in my career and it's your fault because you never let me do what I wanted to do.'

So. We made sure he had the opportunity to learn in a safe, nurturing, supportive and stimulating environment with small class sizes. That was our investment in him, and our gift to him. It is not for us to dictate how he chooses to spend that gift/investment. At least if he turns out to be unfulfilled at work, or just plain poor, he can never say it was because he didn't have any opportunities in life to make something of himself, or any decent parents to support him in that.

That's all we can do. The rest is up to him. And he enjoys his choice of course and is doing very well at it. It won't keep him in the style to which he has become accustomed, but that's his problem - not mine.

[ATouchOfStuffing]

Abbey you sound like me -I feel a massive failure to my family too, mainly because they chose to send me to boarding school at 6 and I got expelled at 16 (silly reason) and decided not to go back for A' levels because I was proud and stubborn. They even --tried to bribe- offered me a bursary as my GCSE results were so good. I went off to live with my dad (not as fun as I had expected) and got CDD for A'levels where I had been predicted AAAA at my other school. I was labelled the black sheep of the family the moment I got expelled and admit to pretty much giving up there and then on any expectations for myself.
Please OP as others have said, try not to put pressure on your DD, the main thing is she is happy. I have a few things I would like my DD to do (live in London in her early 20's is one) but they are very loose and flexible. Another thing is she may decide after 2 years beauty isn't for her but use skills learnt there to do something else, or indeed return to education.

[ATouchOfStuffing]

I admit is is a very fine line though between encouraging and pushing. You need to show her you think she is very talented at a lot of things, but don't talk about her 'wasting' anything. Try to see it as everything she does is gaining a new skill.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I think you need to let them do what they want to do at this age within reason.
You can enrol on Btec and A level courses up to your 19th birthday so there is no rush.
I would be tempted to take her for careers advice at connections maybe? I am surprised that a private school isn't offering this, perhaps they presume all dc will take A levels.
I do know from 2x experience they will not thrive and work hard at something they don't enjoy be that academia or vocational. I have seen youngsters drop out of both type of FE course and move to the other.
My friend teaches childcare and reports that several A* students want to enrol on her course but are put off by careers advisers or parents. It seems a shame if its what they ultimately want to do.
Maybe your dd has a business mind and can see herself owning a chain of beauty salons.

[ATouchOfStuffing]

I wonder if the school would do some after school classes, so she can see if she likes it in practice while she does her A'levels? I think my school was quite open to parental suggestions like this and the more activities they can add to their prospectus the better for them! Have a word with the head.