What do we do now? :(

[ktbabe]

Hello, I registered on this site after finding it on google...hoping some of you more knowledgeable people can help me. sorry if this gets long.


My daughter is in year 7 at our local secondary school. When she was in year 6 at primary she got bullied quite bad...to the point where she developed an eating disorder. it mostly stemed from childish kids calling her fat (she is very thin, even before the eating disorder) and ugly etc etc.

We chose her current high school as it is the only one in our area, the other schools are at least 3 miles away. all are easily reachable as both myself and my husband drive, there is also a regular bus service every 15 minutes. I selfishly chose the local high school (which is an academy) solely because it was closer and thought it would make family life easier if she could walk...a choice im living to regret.


She joined her current school and much to my dismay, so did the 'bullies'. First 10 days or so were fine, then i got a call off a neighbour to say she had been pushed in front of a car on the main road. THANKFULLY she was fine and escaped with just a bruised elbow.

The school did seem to sort this incident out as the 2 boys who did this havent even spoke to her since.

From then until now, she has not only had her school equipment damagaed/stolen (eg: had 'retard' wrote on her blazer with tipex, spat on etc), but she is also getting the 'fat and ugly' name calling again. Needless to say her eating disorder has started to creep back in, she hates going to school (i now drive her even though its at the end of our road), spends all of her time alone...and her work has slipped (oh she is in the top set for english maths and science). Every single time she makes a new friend, one of the 'bullies' tells the new friend they shouldnt be friends with my daughter as she smells/is fat/ugly/a gypo (u get the idea).

Just before christmas the school called me to say she had been caught stealing a slice of pizza from the canteen. NOT like her at all. She gave the 'i was hungry and lost my lunch' excuse. I found out off my daughter 2 days ago she did that because she had been throwing her lunch away but after 3 days of not eating it got too much so she stole food as she had none.

I have spoken to the head of year 3 times about this issue. It seems to be the same 5/6 kids who are making her so unhappy. The same kids also were the ones that gave her hell at primary school.

We have now decided to put in a transfer after the last contact last week with the head of year i wasnt happy with her response. that these 'bullies' have home and school issues themselves.....and that they are going to keep my daughter inside during breaks/lunch and let her walk home 10 minutes earlier than the rest of the children 'for her own safety'...im not happy with her being cut off from the rest of the school when she has done nothing wrong. Yesterday the head of year had my daughter and also 3 of these children in a room together to try sorting out the issues. Of course everything was fine in the room with the kids promising to get along or stay away from each other....until the end of school day when it all started again.

We went and looked at 4 other high schools in out area. One is awesome (with spaces for year 7) but it is a 10 mile trip which we cannot do. The other 3 schools are all within 3.5 miles but none have apparently have any year 7 spaces.

Where do we go from here? :( do we have any options or does she just have to make with the current school shes at?

Many thanks if you have read this far!

[ktbabe]

Well went to see the closer school and....im not impressed. Maybe its because the school 10 miles away made such an impression, any other school is hard beating it.

Needless to say we have decided to go with the one further away. We will just have to work around the traveling some how.

Thanks for all of your help! :)

[prh47bridge]

Sorry to hear that.

Just a couple of obvious points. The LA may still try to insist on the current school filling in the transfer form. Don't let them do that. You have a right to apply for any school at any time, whatever your daughter's current school thinks about it.

I am sure the LA will say it is your choice to send your daughter to this school when she could have continued at her current school and will use this to justify refusing to provide free transport. If you want free transport I suggest you get the written evidence of bullying that we've discussed previously and use that to appeal against any refusal. That doesn't guarantee success but it is certainly worth trying.

[ktbabe]

A productive day! Got the form signed and handed back to the LA!


Still worrying about the travel though...DD will mostly get the bus, i will drive her whenever i can, but still cant help panicking about it. What if im ill so cant drive/she loses bus fare/gets bullied on the buses etc etc.

Then there is the what if she doesnt make friends at new school/is unhappy.

This school stress is never ending!!!

[RachyS]

Gosh it is all so stressful but well done for managing to sort out the forms and (as my DS was bullied for a short period) I really do think you've done the right thing - the impact on their education, their social development, just everything can be so badly effected that it is really the right thing to do to take extreme measures and just do whatever you have to do to make it work.

Don't worry about the new school yet- try to stay positive and not get stressed until you have to - from all you've said about it it sounds much much better and it is so natural as a parent to worry that once bullying has happened once it will repeat itself but I have seen very few cases where this is in fact what happens - children who are moved tend to be much happier. Also don't be afraid to share these concerns with the new school - you can speak to her tutor/head of year and explain that she has had bullying problems before and ask them to keep a close eye for the first few weeks to put your mind at rest.

Also don't worry about the driving issue- you will manage, a few days off for illness over the whole school career isn't the end of the world, and in another more serious long-term situation your daughter will hopefully have made friends with others who live a little further out too who she may be able to share lifts with. In fact, once she makes friends, this may be a great option to explore anyway to help you with the cost/length of the school run.

Really good luck