Was going to defer DD, now having cold feet!

[MeredithsTequila]

People keep telling me that she seems ready for school. She's 4 at the end of February, so she could start in August. I'm going to enrol her on Monday which is why it's playing on my mind.

She is quite quiet and compliant, likes 'reading' and has picked up a few sounds. She can count well to ten and recognises numbers to about 13. Can dress herself, ask and go to the toilet independently, shares and plays well.

My nephew will be starting in August (June baby) and he can't do a lot of that.

DH is still in favour of deferring and says that we are thinking about secondary really.

[understandnothing]

I would definitely defer for a late Feb birthday. It is for social reasons as much as academic.

[dotdotdotmustdash]

As an aside, my non-deferred Dd left school last summer and was offered a scholarship overseas for a year. She's been 5000 miles away since last September and isn't 18 until next week (which she'll still be overseas for). I wish she had been a year older leaving school, more for my sanity than hers!

[ponygirlcurtis]

I think it's more an emotional maturity thing than academic. Plus the practicalities. Will she be able to cope with getting her shoes and coat on and off herself several times a day? Will she be able to choose her own lunch option and then collect it and take it to a table and clear it away after? Will she be OK in the playground, playing with so many other children? Ultimately you know your own child best though.

[MeDented]

Life is hard enough, given a choice why make it more difficult? Far easier to be the oldest, more mature child in class than the youngest. The difference is not so important in primary but can make a difference in high school and Uni. Being the youngest can also make things difficult socially when they are too young to do things their friends can, be that going to an age 12 movie or going to a pub. I have 2 children, deferred both of them, both now happily in high school. No regrets ever. I took advice from lots of teacher friends at the time, every single one said defer. X

[ttlshiwwya]

I was able to switch my DD to a new nursery which still fed into the same primary school. The new nursery was strong on learning thru play and she wasn't bored at all.

[OOAOML]

I'm biased because I have a January birthday but I would defer. Academically, primary and secondary were no problem, but I was emotionally more immature and struggled spectacularly going to university at 17 and ended up dropping out. A good nursery should be able to encourage her with early reading/writing. I have a son with a January birthday, who we deferred - partly because he clearly wasn't ready (speech delay, toilet issues and early referrals that ended up several years later in an ASD diagnosis) and partly because of my own experience.

[PacificDogwod]

Far more advantages to deferring than to not IMO.

Don't just think about whether she is ready for school now (or rather in August), but what things will be like later on when her peers want to go out, learn to drive, drink etc.
Being among the oldest in a year is unlikely to be a disadvantage, being among the youngest may be.

Personally, I don't get the rush to get children in to formal education (not you, OP, specifically - in general, I mean). Another year at home/at nursery is likely to reap dividends in the long term. A good nursery will make sure she won't be bored.

Fwiw, I have 4 boys, all born in March (I know, I know ). DS1 is v bright, taught himself to read and was a wizard with numbers before he started school. He was in no way socially ready though, could get anxious at the least wee thing, emotionally not at all ready. He is now a confident almost-14 year old (who is still very good at maths ).

They grow up quick enough.
I don't see deferring as 'holding them back', but rather as 'allowing them time'.

[AlwaysTeaTime]

I wish I had deferred my DD. She is among the brightest in her year group now aged 17, but complains that all her friends were driving before her and that she will be the last to turn 18 so they are all able to go out and she can't, so she feels left out. At primary it was fine, she kept up and was only noticeably behind in PE, but it's secondary you need to think about

[SteamPudding]

I would say definitely defer. We deferred our December born son who was born a month prematurely on the basis that had he been a January birthday as expected he would have been entitled to an extra funded year in nursery.

We met with opposition from school who said he should be with his peer group but many of the children in the peer group they were referring had been deferred the previous year so were 10-11 months older! We didn't get funding (though that won't be a problem in your case) but have no regrets. He enjoyed his second year in nursery and grew in confidence, finding a group of friends and playing in a way which he didn't the first year in nursery.

He would have managed school at age 4 but legally he didn't have to. We felt much more comfortable sending him when he was 5 and knew that he had definitely outgrown nursery and that his time to go to school had definitely come. He was happy to go into school and has picked up reading and number skills really quickly, I think because he is more mature. He is also better able to cope with the length of the school day and the extra curricular activities that come with being of school age. Sending them at 4 means they effectively have to grow up a year earlier when they come out the other end.

[WeAllHaveWings]

You can enrol now and decide later.

We deferred ds(12) who has a February birthday, have never regretted it.

[Lidlfix]

Didn't defer Feb born DD4. She was/is very bright academically and socially advanced (due to 3 big sisters not me) . Nursery said she was more than ready which reflected my gut feeling. Won top in year in S1 in a couple of subjects so I can't help but think how bored she'd have been if she'd been working a year behind. Again more due to osmosis of elder siblings discussing their own studies.

Socially fine, has a nice group of pals (some a full year older as Feb born deferees) does look a bit younger than some but they're not necessarily the older ones just an example of the wide range of physical, emotional and academic diversity you see across a year group.

DD1 autumn born so bang in the middle wasn't 18 for starting uni and Freshers week has reassured her she'll be fine for "pre's" and nights out in student places she just won't get served when she's out or in non uni clubs!

[MeredithsTequila]

Hello. Thanks for all the replies and opinions.

I don't see deferring as 'holding them back', but rather as 'allowing them time'.
I like that way of looking at it.

This morning I tried to encourage her to go to the children's group at church and she didn't want to go. So I'm taking that as an indication that another year will be the best thing for her.

Marathon not a sprint is going to be my motto I think!

[readsalotgirl63]

Hi - another vote for deferring. My dd is now 17 but has an August birthday, one of the reasons we moved back to Scotland was so she didn't have to start school just days after her 4th birthday.

Now in S6 and doing well with a great group of friends. Two of the friends are struggling ( one really badly) - both are February birthdays and seem to not have the emotional maturity of others in the group. One was deferred and was in the year below dd at primary but left the UK for a while and was put into dd's year on return to the UK - she seems to have found secondary a real challenge and I am not sure she will finish S6.

I think allowing them time to mature is so valuable and better to be among the oldest in the year than the youngest.

[cheeseandcrackers77]

Thing's may have changed since my ds started school but he is an end of Dec birthday. He had delayed speach and everyone at nursery and the child psychologist said defer. I went against them on the basis that he was bored at nursery and that his speach had come on great in the year since he was first getting additional support. I have never regretted it and in fact by p7 he was showing the same that he found primary boring. I will say that when we registered him in the January we hadn't decided if he was being deferred or not and I was told that I had up till the day he started to actually decide if he went or not but as I say thatay not be an option now.

[Whitelisbon]

I was the youngest in my year (28th Feb birthday), and had a hellish time in secondary, as I was emotionally a lot younger than my classmates. I was always academically at the top of the class, but I was miserable at school.
I had a lot of friends in the year below, I think because they were more my level.
I would defer every time. In fact, I pushed for a slightly later c section date for dc5, so that she has a March, rather than February birthday, so that I didn't have that worry!

[MazDazzle]

If you have the option, I'd defer.

I teach in a secondary school and I've heard it said often that so and so would be better in the year below. If only they'd deferred.

NOT ONCE have I ever came across a case where a pupil would have been better off in the year above.

I know of some parents who didn't defer and regretted it later.

It is a huge advantage being one of the oldest in the year group.

[FannyFifer]

I have a Feb born DD & deferred her, would prefer her to be 18 going to uni than 17.

[PacificDogwod]

Merediths, in the interest of full disclosure, apart from reams and reams of evidence towards the advantages of being amongst the older in a peer group, my opinion is also formed by the fact that I grew up in Germany where school entry age is 6, so the youngest starting school may be 5, about to turn 6 (I don't actually know where the exact age cut off is ) and the eldest may actually be 7 (if they were felt not to be 'school mature' at the age of 6).

On a purely emotional level, I simply cannot cope with the idea of 4+ year old children going to school. I know many, many children do just fine and that the whole system is set up to accommodate quite young children, but they are just babies!

Ahem. As you were.
Anyway, I think older is of advantage.

[Alwaysinahurrynow]

I can't speak for your daughter and I dislike the idea that due to the shorter educational system in Scotland, children can start uni at 17. However with everyone saying how much of an advantage it is to be the oldest in the year, deferring Jan/Feb borns only makes Nov/Dec borns the youngest. This is now becoming the issue where it's becoming more and more common to defer Nov/Dec birthdays with the knock-on effect that Sept/Oct birthdays are now looking at deferring. It would make more sense to defer the start of the school year, so every child was 5 before they started and that would make most people more comfortable.

The whole thing about going to pubs, driving is always going to an issue as someone's birthday has to be last whenever the school year starts.

[celtiethree]

I agree with always. I fully understand deferring but the age range is become greater, with my DS there is a 17 month age gap between his friends that are in the same year. I know that the flexibility of the Scottish system is a positive but moving the start date seems to make sense esp as it now seems to be standard for at least Jan/Febs to defer.

[OOAOML]

It isn't just driving and stuff though - throughout school it is stuff like vaccinations and medicals that all the rest of my class went to, asked me why I didn't, then I went with the year below. Fair enough, I was in a small school and elsewhere it might have been less noticeable. It's having 5 Highers and university offers at 16 (that would have been mad for me, so I did CSYS but I was pretty lazy that year as it didn't really 'matter').

[RogueStar01]

i agree always my dd is a Nov birth and she's one of the few youngest and she really struggled with exhaustion in P1, I'd have much preferred her start when she was 5! She's coping fine academically, in fact she's near the top but emotionally she's not that great and you can really see she's not as confident as the older kids.

[Redyoyo]

One thing I would say is if you are going to enrol and wait till nearer the time to decide, make sure your nursery will keep the place open. This was what we were going to do with our dd, the nursery was attached to the school and the deputy head who was dealing with the enrolment told me on the day that once I'd enrolled my dd she would automatically lose her nursery place. The school and nursery are heavily over subscribed.

[gracielooloo]

Totally agree Always, my DD is a November Birthday and is second youngest in her P3 class. Academically she's fine but I don't think socially she's as confident as the older girls.
At the time though I didn't consider deferring her with a November Birthday, that to us seemed mad!