Right, I really need to have a good vent today as otherwise I am going to go frickin' nuts... brief history: am currently in the process of rebuilding after H's affair 7 months ago with an ex-workmate he had obsessed over at work for ages, had a few weeks' emotional affair with after he left when she finally showed interest and had a one night stand with. After this I found out and it became was quite clear she was a loon who had told him her ex love of her life was dead when he wasn't to get sympathy etc, made up interests and hobbies to make herself seem interesting and so forth.
So, since taking the decision to stay with me and cutting contact, admitting she was VERY odd despite being a functional friend for a few years before and him having trouble reconciling the fantasist with the friend aspects, he has been pretty good at making me feel valued, loved etc. But after the first 3 months (when we did talk a lot of it through) he started to get angry about talking things over saying they should be forgotten etc as he is so embarrassed and finds it all shameful and never ever thinks about her so why should I, which has been a bit of a barrier to my recovery - it's hard to get reassurance on things such as him saying he'd never really loved me properly when you can't bring up the subject!
Well, he is a writer now and I have just found out he is writing a story about you guessed it, someone's obsession with a person who turns out not to be what they said they were. She even has the same job as that cw.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhh. What an insensitive !!!! I read all his stuff and copy check it before it goes to his book editor. Does he think I won't notice??? He gave me the first chapter last week that just outlined the theme but I found out her occupation and something else that suggests it's based on her after index card of notes fell out when I was changing the bin. I have been so angry I don't trust myself to speak with him so far. So, he can't talk to me but he can publish it to the bloody world? Twt! What do I say without stabbing him to death with a biro??? It is such as shame as we have been getting on really well recently. However, i have to nip this in the bud even if I am furious that all the time I have been making him tea and keeping the dcs away from his office so he can get on with it, he has been musing over his grand romance and thinking of it after all!!!
Oh, and to top it all, I have heard she is spreading rumours about me hacking her Facebook account and doing stuff - my computer skills are bobbins, but what are we - teenagers? I am in my late 30s ffs and even if I knew how would have better things to do.
Also since an ex collegue of theirs let it slip we are thinking of trying again she has been saying that he will never have another dc with me as he told her time and time again he didn't love me enough to do so! I never spoke to her in the aftermath as I wanted to preserve my dignity but I now feel she thinks I am a pushover and I am very, very tempted to give her a (calm) call - might need to take Valium first, just in case - and coldly set her right on that. Obviously, what I'd really like is H to do that and defend me as he was a bit wet in the 'final contact cutting email' to her and I think she still imagines he holds a torch, so he needs to tell her some of the stuff he has been telling me about what he thinks of her and her lies. Of course, if he publishes, in her mind she will be proved right (I'm sure she won't dwell on the bit where her image unravels and he thinks she's a psychotic Emma Bovary without any of the redeeming features).
Feck - I feel like a character in some sort of BBC drama. I hate them both, and I hate myself for not kicking off and trying to preserve the peace at home. And I've come out in a stress-related rash. F*ers. Thankyou.
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Relationships
Venting time - bit long, bit mad
abedelia · 30/04/2009 12:05
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