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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Came across an email in deleted items of computer.

53 replies

Nomchanger · 10/07/2008 20:46

Email is to a work colleague from DH. "Hello. I am sending you this email from home. Did you enjoy the such and such film?"

The film (DVD) belongs to my sister - she lent it to us. On the phone a short while ago I ask him "Where is the such and such DVD?" "I lent it to someone at work." says he. "Who?" says me. "Martin!" says he.

Why is he fibbing I just don't get it?

I am especially as the day he sent the email to her home email from his home email he was working from home and told me how busy busy busy he was. I ended up taking the children out to get out from under his hair.

He is out currently at some networking thing - he is probably fibbing about that too.

Please advise soonest.

OP posts:

Report

ladylush · 11/07/2008 08:23

If he doesn't usually delete emails it seems fishy. Out of interest, how do you look at deleted emails? It sounds as though there are several issues affecting your relationship and I hope you can sort them out.

forevercleaning · 11/07/2008 07:25

If it is gnawing away at you, then ask him outright.

Say you saw the deleted email (which you could quite easily have come across by accident as you say) and then watch his reaction.

Say you are disappointed that he lied about giving it to Martin.

More than likely that it is completely innocent. He knows you dont like this woman or hearing about her, so he probably didnt want to tell you so that you may 'read more into it'.

Ozziegirly · 11/07/2008 07:18

I know I will probably get horribly flamed for this, but sometimes I just think that men just lie for an easy life.

He knows that if he said he had lent it to work strumpet lady you would probably have had a small strop (don't tell me I'm wrong, I would do the same) so he just says "Martin" to avoid an argument.

I think sometimes men's default setting is "avoid an argument at all costs".

And then emailing her about it - well even when I'm busy at work I send emails because work is dull and emailing is more fun.

MrsMacaroon · 11/07/2008 00:54

dodgy...mainly because he deleted it.

best case scenario- he's a liar

I couldn't bear to be with someone i had to monitor in case they were cheating on me...sounds exhausting.

CoolYourJets · 11/07/2008 00:41

TBH the I am sending you this email from home bit is a bit .

What does it matter where he is?

NutterlyUts · 11/07/2008 00:31

Check the woman's name isn't Martine before flying off the handle, history or not..

MrsMargolyes · 11/07/2008 00:29

Nomchanger, you are with someone who has a history of cheating, so you look at deleted files - because something tells you something is up with him right now? - and you discover that he has lent a romantic film to a woman he works with. So you have faint ding-a-ling alarm bells going off that he may be entering a flirting and/or who-knows-what?-type phase. Have I got this right?

I hear your indignance over this! Quite rightly. You are successful workwise but right now you are focussed on your baby, with all the glamour that banana puree and filled nappies brings.

What do you want to do? You say you are not bothered, so I imagine you are exhausted with dealing with the is he/isn't he type bullshit. You should make a decision. Is he worth this trouble or can you feasibly lone parent your dc, financially, emotionally?

In your shoes (and I know a little about cheating men) I would wait, ponder, know more, make a plan, and have it out with him, and possibly go*.

MegBusset · 10/07/2008 23:01

Doesn't sound like the email is the problem to me. You simply sound fed up with your situation.

Anglepoise · 10/07/2008 22:55

Is it Outlook and are you just looking in deleted items or retrieving (properly) deleted stuff? In other words, how deleted is it?

I think it could be innocent. Perhaps it's deleted because he has a history of cheating?

Nomchanger · 10/07/2008 22:49

I earned more than him before we had children. Now I am the idiot at home with mashed banana on my shoulder. Moaning.

OP posts:

Nomchanger · 10/07/2008 22:47

I don't for one minute think there is an affair going on. It is just that his behaviour is suggestive of the fact that he has time for others and no time for me apparently.

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sophiebbb · 10/07/2008 21:29

Personally I would be if my DH lent a single woman a romantic DVD (never watched said film but somebody in thread said it was romantic). I would also be if he then sent an email to her asking if she liked it and would be triply if he actively deleted the email.

beaniesteve · 10/07/2008 21:28

He has a history of cheating

Nomchanger · 10/07/2008 21:26

I'm not neurotic. Nor am I jealous. I am just fed up with his behaviour towards me.

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zippitippitoes · 10/07/2008 21:26

well talking to him is really the thing you need to do

GrinningGorilla · 10/07/2008 21:26

This is going to sound bad but i would get one of those computer programmes that allows you to look at all the deleted files/emails etc on the p.c then you can see what exactly your dh has been sending. I know it is a bit underhand, but if he has nothing to hide then he won't worry about it. It may help to put your mind at rest.

Nomchanger · 10/07/2008 21:25

We've had the things need to change conversation too many times. Nothing changes.

OP posts:

zippitippitoes · 10/07/2008 21:25

ah well in that case it is different

you can talk to him

if he is cheating you need to think what that might mean to you

clearly you have worked things out before

Flum · 10/07/2008 21:24

Well it is dodgy then isn't it. Deliberately deleted.

God bet you wish you'd never looked....

Could be that he knows you are a neurotic Mnetter though that will fret over it ofr hours and htat is why he dleeted not coz he is up to any mischief.

Nomchanger · 10/07/2008 21:24

I think it's over. I can't be bothered any more.

OP posts:

Nomchanger · 10/07/2008 21:23

He has history of cheating.

OP posts:

Nomchanger · 10/07/2008 21:22

Flum - Never

OP posts:

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Bbbee · 10/07/2008 21:22

agree zippi - sounds like stuff is generally crap and in normal situation email thing is nothing but because thigns are bad this is one thing in a long line.

Would leave the email thing and do a sit down things aren't going well type chat.

zippi is good at this kind of advice - well better than me anyhows.

zippitippitoes · 10/07/2008 21:21

so while he is narking you by going out "networking" tonight you have found this email and rung him to ask who he lent the dvd to?

and you are annoyed he has gone out but not with you cos he never goes out with you

i can see that is crap

Flum · 10/07/2008 21:20

Umm

ok seems odd to delete a 'sent' email as you have to actively make the effort to do that by going into sent items mail box. Does he normally delete sent items?

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