Any creative ways to shut up an adult bully?

[PIKNIK20]

I came up with one...
I joined a very nice community choir a few years ago. People are so friendly to each other. As it is a community choir, there were no divas. I felt at home instantly, loved the songs and the way "the choir master" treated the members, even though I am not the best at catching all the harmonies, there were lots of people like me, and that was reassuring. No matter.
But along came a "know it all" woman, let us call her Jane, who clearly had had training, could read music, etc. So, sometimes people would ask the choir master questions to clarify things. I did twice in one session, and each time Jane, standing in the front row, would proceed to answer the question clearly posed to him, not her. After the session I told her how annoying, intimidating, and simply rude that was. I did not think she quite understood how important it was to maintain a friendly, non-judgemental atmosphere, but in the end she told me that she would not do it again.
But of course, she did it again a few months later. Then I just spoke to the Chair Lady of the choir Committee and she promised to talk to her, though reluctantly. She said she did, but I am not sure if she really did.
This was ruining my really enjoying the choir sessions, though I knew that I was not going to quit because of that silly woman. So finally, I came up with the solution, which I have not tried yet, but am going to definitely use: Next time she does anything patronizing like that, I would just say:
YES, MOTHER SUPERIOR! YES, MATRON!
I am very curious of her (and other members) reaction, but I think it should work, as nobody likes to be mocked and laughed at.
Please give us examples how you have dealt with adult bullies or in any conflict situations, creatively.

[EvenMoreFuriousVexation]

Mmm, I wouldn't do that, but in the example you gave I would listen politely then say "Very interesting Jane, but I was asking Bob." Then turn to Bob.

I wouldn't call this behaviour "bullying". Annoying as fuck, yes.

[BandyMcBandface]

I’m not seeing how this is bullying on her part. What you have done, and are proposing to do in response, seems more like bullying tbh.

[MILTOBE]

She's a know-it-all rather than a bully.

You will make yourself sound absolutely awful if you talk to her like that. Honestly, it's childish, stupid, nasty and more bullying than anything she's done or said.

I hope this is a reverse.

[shrumps]

Definitely don’t do that OP. There are much better ways of dealing with this and you will end up looking much worse than she does.

[PoochiesPinkEars]

Wow! I wouldn't do that.

It's confrontational and will escalate frictions in choir dynamic. It will have the total opposite effect to what you're trying to achieve.
You're intending to embarrass her in front of everyone.
If you do this, I bet you will hear a pin drop and people will distance themselves from you regardless if they think she is involving herself unnecessarily.
What @EvenMoreFuriousVexation is ideal. It closes off her intervention, but in a crisp polite way, which is dignified for you and her. That's how to deal with it without making things worse.

[Junothatsagoodidea]

Everyone will think you're a jerk.

[SoupDragon]

So, basically you're going to respond to someone who has simply offered advice twice over a few months by being exceptionally rude to her? And you call her behaviour "bullying"...!

[Oneofthesurvivors]

What about this is bullying?

[WhatNoRaisins]

Do you really think the other adults in the choir will react well to how you plan to behave?

[UpTheAnte]

"I am very curious of her (and other members) reaction, but I think it should work, as nobody likes to be mocked and laughed at"

Mocking and laughing at her? Sounds like bullying to me.

[Shetlands]

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Mmm, I wouldn't do that, but in the example you gave I would listen politely then say "Very interesting Jane, but I was asking Bob." Then turn to Bob.

I wouldn't call this behaviour "bullying". Annoying as fuck, yes.

I agree with this. You don't need to stoop to the level of childishness to get your point across.

[Topseyt123]

Don't do that!! Not clever and would make you into a bully. She's a know-it-all who loves the sound of her own voice. Very irritating, I do agree, but that doesn't make her a bully.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation has a better response. Use that instead.

[Newgirls]

has this only happened every two months or so? Surely you can ignore that? Every week would be a different matter

[Bobbotgegrinch]

Sounds like you want to bully her rather than the other way round. Surely your best option is just to say "Sorry, but I was asking x"

[MermaidMummy06]

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Mmm, I wouldn't do that, but in the example you gave I would listen politely then say "Very interesting Jane, but I was asking Bob." Then turn to Bob.

I wouldn't call this behaviour "bullying". Annoying as fuck, yes.

This would be my solution too.

They're a know it all rather than a bully. My friend is like this. Tbh more often than not she's wrong, but you can argue the point for hours she'll still 'win' by being relentless.

If you start being rude, you become the bully.

[Screamingabdabz]

@BandyMcBandface

I’m not seeing how this is bullying on her part. What you have done, and are proposing to do in response, seems more like bullying tbh.

Agree.

OP I don’t think you need advice about how to handle bullies. I think you need to learn how to manifest all the values you appreciated when you joined the choir - welcome, inclusivity, no judgement, team work, forgiveness. You certainly didn’t demonstrate any of that toward ‘Jane’ when she turned up.

Self awareness is a good place to start.

[DaisyHaites]

Are you the adult bully in this scenario?

[Momstermunch]

Please don't. You sound like the bully. Your initial reaction was over the top and unnecessarily unpleasant. What you're planning next is crazy

[TheSnakeCharmer]

After the session I told her how annoying, intimidating, and simply rude that was. I did not think she quite understood how important it was to maintain a friendly, non-judgemental atmosphere...

This cannot be real, surely??

[NotQuiteNorma]

Well, this didn't work out too well...

[SoupDragon]

@Topseyt123

Don't do that!! Not clever and would make you into a bully. She's a know-it-all who loves the sound of her own voice. Very irritating, I do agree, but that doesn't make her a bully.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation has a better response. Use that instead.

She's a know-it-all who loves the sound of her own voice.

She's answered a couple of questions over several months! How do you get that she loves the sound of her own voice from that?

[Topseyt123]

@SoupDragon

She's a know-it-all who loves the sound of her own voice.

She's answered a couple of questions over several months! How do you get that she loves the sound of her own voice from that?

Because OP implies that she is regularly jumping in and doing this. Hope that helps.

I also did say that it doesn't make her a bully. She probably just wants to contribute.

[SoupDragon]

@Topseyt123

Because OP implies that she is regularly jumping in and doing this. Hope that helps.

I also did say that it doesn't make her a bully. She probably just wants to contribute.

Edited

The OP only says she's done it on two occasions.

HTH.

[Topseyt123]

@SoupDragon

The OP only says she's done it on two occasions.

HTH.

Good. Pointless argument really.

[fluffycloudalert]

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Mmm, I wouldn't do that, but in the example you gave I would listen politely then say "Very interesting Jane, but I was asking Bob." Then turn to Bob.

I wouldn't call this behaviour "bullying". Annoying as fuck, yes.

Yes, this.