First time posting so hopefully it is ok!
My husband of 2 years told me at Xmas that he hates everything about where we live (in the Midlands) - the people, accent and the fact there is nothing to do and he wants to move back to his home town 2 hours away up North. He hasn't lived in his home town since he was a teenager which was 16 years ago. He has his family there, 1 school friend and 1 uni friend and his work is based in London. He has been wfh but his work have said they expect people in the office 3 days a week now, which has added another layer to things, as his company has an office in his home town, however he would still need to regularly travel to London.
We have also been TTC for 18 months now with no luck and have found out that I have a low egg count. I am 35 and my husband is 34.
He has been here for a total of 10 years and was already living in the city for 3 years prior to us meeting. He has now decided that he hates it and that his family being a 2 hour drive up North is too far. And the fact that there is nothing exciting to do where we live. He has friends where we live but he doesn't see them as being close. His other close friends are scattered all over the country but the majority of them are in the South (so closer to where we live now)
Very early on in our relationship I did make it clear that I wouldn't want to move from this city, so if that is what he wanted we shouldn't become serious. I have a job in research that I cant do remotely and I have spent the last 13 years building a reputation in. It would be very hard finding a similar, permanent position somewhere else as funding is very low. I also have all my school friends, family and family friends here. We also live in a house that I own. I would find it really hard to leave all of this to go somewhere where my husband only knows a handful of people and the level and amount of support isn't the same.
Husband packed his bags on Valentines Day (I came home from work to find that he had spent the day packing) and left. He wants to come back to our home to try and work things out. He said he would join clubs etc to try and make more friends here but I don't know what to do. Have totally parked the idea of having a baby now and postponed our fertility appointment. I just don't know what to do - anyone have any advice?! Thank you :)
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Relationships
Husband wants to move closer to his family
ConfusedDippy · 21/03/2024 14:54
nextcrapthing · 21/03/2024 15:30
Sorry OP. It looks like he is finding an excuse to end this marriage rather than the REAL REASON ( not to be blamed). He could have his head turned or not, be it a life style or OW.
You said he packed his bag on Valentine’s Day. Where and who did he spend his Valentine’s Day evening with?
He is so determined to leave. That sounds like he has got something line up. I really do hope I am wrong.
Lemond1fficult · 21/03/2024 15:20
Is this your hometown that you live in now? What's your support network like? Do you think he's feeling wistful that he does t have what you have?
I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds to me like he's not just wanting to go home, he's looking for a different life that doesn't necessarily include you. I only say this because I really miss my hometown and have a great gang of mates, but nothing would make me leave DH to move back there. He is my home.
heldinadream · 21/03/2024 14:57
Do you want him to come back or were you reasonably content with the reality of him leaving?
Lemond1fficult · 21/03/2024 15:20
Is this your hometown that you live in now? What's your support network like? Do you think he's feeling wistful that he does t have what you have?
I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds to me like he's not just wanting to go home, he's looking for a different life that doesn't necessarily include you. I only say this because I really miss my hometown and have a great gang of mates, but nothing would make me leave DH to move back there. He is my home.
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AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/03/2024 17:10
Would such a man enter into couples counselling?. Given what the OP had written re him I doubt it very much.
Why does he apparently want to move at all given that no one from his family has come to visit you people?. He has also not lived in his hometown for the last 16 years and so has some idealised version of it. Apart from family members his connection to his hometown now is tenuous to say the very least.
I remain far more concerned re the fact he moved out in February and has not returned to you. Do not let him dictate how this plays out- what are your intentions going forward?.
JonVoightBaddyWhoGrowls · 21/03/2024 15:19
Mmm, as a rule, I'd say that there are often challenges when you both want to "go home". But you and your DH sound like me and DH, except the other way round. We met in London. We are both from somewhere else. I always wanted to go home. As our relationship got more serious, DH made it clear that he was 100% NOT moving. He had no interest in moving back to our home country and very little interest in moving anywhere else within the UK. He was upfront and honest about it.
I gave it serious serious thought before I decided that the relationship was important enough to me that I was willing to stay here. My only proviso was that I asked him to agree to let us talk about it after 5 years but, if he felt the same way, I'd accept it. ie, I wanted him to at least keep an open mind.
That was nearly 20 years ago and here we are, still in London (well, London-Surrey border). The only change is that now we are considering moving to the coast in a few years when the DC are grown.
Your Dh signed up for this. I am sympathetic to his desire to go home. But nonetheless, this is not something you lied about or that you hadn't both planned for. If you take him back - and be honest, did you miss him while he's been gone? - you need to be 100% in agreement that you're not moving.
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