Furthermore to Tamz77's cancer fake boyfriend: more to the story, and would appreciate legal advice

[Tamz77]

OK, deep breath: I feel terrible asking for so much attention and advice from you ladies but there's more to my troubles with the boyfriend who just faked bowel cancer on me, by 'more' I mean that I loaned him money (I know, I know ) and until now I guess I was hoping he would do the honourable thing (haha) and at least contact me to reassure me he would repay it. How naive am I, eh. I've only told one friend in RL about this other aspect as I'm just so ashamed, can't even tell my dad who would know where I stand legally on this (being an ex policeman, as I said) as the money was savings that he originally gave me and he would be so disappointed in me if he knew I'd been just so damned stupid, also of course it was money he worked for and I've given it to some chancer I've known for a few months who did nothing to deserve it except tell me he loved me.

It's £5000. I feel like I've been f*ed for money for months to put it bluntly; ex probably didn't even fancy me. He said he had serious debt problems and was under threat of being evicted and his business going under (before he knew I had any savings) and I offered to help, obviously not wanting the man I loved (and his wee boy) to be homeless/penniless. On two other occasions he circuitously asked for help (once with an IT degree he had fallen behind on payments for, and once more to cover rent). It's a hell of a lot of money I know and I remember seeing him spend crazy money at Christmas on his son, and thinking that it was my money he was spending, but also thinking that this was shaping up to be a long term thing (despite my doubts, we were planning next summer holidays together, all that kind of thing) and kind of saw it as an investment in our mutual future, as well as simply looking after someone I cared deeply about who was in financial dire straits.

Anyway, that's the full story. Does anyone know where I stand legally on this point? Two days ago I thought it would be worth saying goodbye to the 5k and forgetting about it, for the sake of forgetting him quicker too, but I feel so sick about it, and also that I owe it to my son to try and get it back. I don't have much to offer him (no family, don't own our own home etc) and this money would of course have gone to him, one day.

I absolutely know how stupid, stupid, stupid I've been. These were all cash payments and the only evidence of any of them is one text exchange that I've saved (I don't ever save texts but this was some of the last contact between us once I had evidence he was lying about his hospital stay). With the last 'loan' I had told him I'd need it back shortly to cover my own rent, which is due next week . He knows this and I was hoping he'd come through on this one thing at least, but he's not been in touch at all, so that possibility (which was small to begin with) is now at level zero, really.

Is there anything the police could actually do about this if I were to go to them? I'm clutching at straws esp given lack of evidence but would it count as something like, obtaining money under false pretences?

Honestly I haven't slept since this has happened and the money thing is the main reason why. I could get over being cheated on by a liar quite easily I think, if I hadn't paid him to do it. I suppose I'm asking now if there's a police 'person' or a lawyer in the house at all.

God this is such a farce but mentally and physically it feels like it's killing me atm. Thanks again for reading, and for any help you can offer. I'm so ashamed and so grateful.

[Tamz77]

Yeah, a few people have said I should do that. It's about the only thing I can do.

Yes I've met his son he's a lovely wee boy, despite his genes lol.

[Piffle]

This is brutal but listen Tamz
You offered him the money willingly, without proper evidence or documentation, you are unlikely to prove even to a small claims court that he took it dishonestly.
also his means are taken into account for paying it back, so even if it was proved the court can assess his income and debts and if he is unable to pay you do not get it until he can afford it.
He did not steal it, what he did do was lie about his situation and health, possibly and probably to exploit you
this is worth reporting, while it may not get you your money back, it will put him on the police radar as he may well make a hobby/career out of it
I am so sorry.
FWIW MY DP bailed me out with £8k 8 mths after meeting me, he gifted it totally and said liek you did, he loved me and it was to concrete our future.
It did, I am so sorry that yours was not to be.

[PeatBog]

so sorry Tamz. I'm also sitting on my hands.

la la la

[Chopster]

I've not read all of the posts, but I agree with blu. I don't think you will stand a hope in the small claims. Since you were a couple at the time you gave him the money, the chances are that they would presume that there was no legal intention to be bound by law for him to pay the money back, especially as you didn't have any kind of written agreement. Without intent to form legal relations, there is no contract for him to pay the money back, no breach of contract and you have no case. I am very sorry.

I don't know sod all about criminal law, but doesn't look hopeful there neither.

[Karen999]

Only skimmed some of the posts, but can I say I am for you!! How long were you with this guy?

[redadmiral]

If it's not going to cause you more trouble (your dad) then report him!

It may be a one off, but chances are he's systematically preying on women, and lone parents at that.

[Karen999]

Did he ever 'promise' to pay you back??

[Hecate]

could it not be argued that it's obtaining money by deception, or something?

I have read things where seriel conmen were jailed!

this case, for example

and this one

There are loads of them.

[Hecate]

jailed or arrested or made to repay, I mean.

[PrincessPeahead]

If I were you I'd send him an email (not a text) saying "As you know you owe me £5000 which I lent you and also £400 for rent. Can you let me know when you are going to pay me back? I have to have the rent by [date] and have some bills to pay next month so would like the £5000 by [date]." I'd also tell him that I'd lost my mobile so until I get another one can he email me. Don't pick up the phone to him or answer texts. If he doesn't reply send him another email a couple of days later saying "I really need the money you owe me, please can you let me know when I can have it".

All of this is to attempt to get him to acknowledge in writing that he owes you the money.

If it doesn't work, then go to moneyclaim online and sue him for it. You will end up in front of a county court judge and you will both tell your side of the story and he will simply have to decide who he believes. Tell him the story, show him your bank statements taking out the cash, show him the unanswered emails asking for the money, show him the texts that you have. If you tell the judge that he is a fantasist who has lied to you about everything including having cancer etc etc, and show him the texts to prove it, chances are fairly high that he will believe you over him and order him to pay the money.

You then have to get it off him, but once you have an order there are a number of ways of enforcing it. Getting the order is the first step.

Good luck

[PrincessPeahead]

ps in the civil court you aren't trying to show obtaining money by deception or theft or anything. You are simply saying that it is was made as a loan not a gift, it is due to be paid back, and it hasn't been. Very simple.

When you turn up you will say it is a loan that needs repaying, he will say it was a gift. The judge will look at the evidence, listen to you both, and come to his own conclusions. He has no evidence to show it is a gift, you have some evidence to show that he viewed it as a loan (texts) and evidence to show he is a serial liar. Chances are quite high that the judge will think he is a nasty bit of work and you are a misguided but honest person, and make an order in your favour. Not guaranteed, but you have a pretty good shot. And it is the ONLY (legal) way you are likely to get the money back so I'd give it a go.

[Blu]

Tamz - PrincessPeahead is a lawyer - her advice sounds very very good to me.

[Baffy]

PrincessPeahead's advice is very good. With the texts you have, the Paris photos, evidence if his continuous lies, and the bank statements, it does sound like you have a good chance of the judge believing you. Especially if you do those e-mails to back it up too.

Awful situation, you have my sympathy

I hope you manage to sort something out

[expatinscotland]

in the future, when you start dating a bloke, and he starts going on about his money problems and hinting or asking for money, RUN!

[SnappyLaGore]

amen to that!

and i do speak from experience [scowl]

[expatinscotland]

i had somebody try it on with me, snappy, and i was out of there asap!

that's where i draw the line.