Help please, 'D'H causing DD to be depressed?

[FedUpOfThisLife]

I'm feeling distraught and so angry, please help me calm down and proceed rationally MNetters.

While looking for some spare paper in DD's room (genuinely) I came across a diary entry in a notebook from a few weeks ago, headed 'Depression/Feelings'. In it she wrote about how she thinks her dad (we are divorcing, so not 'D'H in my opinion) thinks badly of her, all he says is things to make her feel bad, including her weight. She feels like she wants to hide away from us .

For reference, DD is 11. While the issue for me isn't whether she's overweight or not (she's not really) it's more that 'D'H is saying things to her to make her feel like this.

The galling factor is that 'D'H is very overweight, possibly obese. In any conversations about food, diet or weight, I have been very careful not to talk about DD's weight specifically, more that people should eat a healthy balanced diet and do enough exercise. As I said, the weight isn't really the issue for me, it's how 'D'H talks to the DC and that he makes them feel bad.

We are still living in the same house due to financial reasons (we also have a slightly younger DS) but expect to sell the house and move out within the next few months. Since I told him I wanted to divorce, it's been horrendous living together. I try to keep the peace as much as possible as I cannot take the stress of daily arguments any more, but this revelation is making me just want to move out with the kids asap and protect them in a safe environment.

What should I be doing, other than talking to DD about her feelings? I do not feel that talking to 'D'H about it will do any good, other than him deflecting, accusing, or down-playing.

[LostSocksBrigade]

Just tell her that with everything happening you wanted to have a heart to heart with her about how you're both feeling. Take her out somewhere where it's just the 2 of you, for dinner or dessert. Tell her enough of your your own feelings that she will be comfortable opening up without saying anything that you shouldn't and give her the chance to tell you herself.

[ahoyshipmates]

Sometimes young people can open up more on a car journey, because you are side by side instead of facing one another. Don't ask me why it works, but it did with my dc.

[FedUpOfThisLife]

Thanks, good advice.

Am I being unreasonable to want to get my DC out of this house asap, into rented, if it means 50% of the time they don't have to live in this awful environment? I can't control what he does or says when I'm not around of course, but at least if I can have the kids living elsewhere with me half the time (which is how it will be eventually anyway) they can live in peace?!

And as if to underline what has been happening, 'D'H shouted at DS this afternoon for no apparent reason, making him cry and hide in his room.

I can't bear it

[Pinkywoo]

Sounds like my dad, always had had something negative to say including about my weight/body even though he's obese. I ended up bulimic for 15 years, get her away from him aa soon as you can, and she needs to know you're on her side.