My doctor and I have a mutual friend

[TheIbnEzra]

I have a friend who means well, really cares about me, but is one of those people who needs to know everything and be in the thick of it all the time. She is a doctor.

I recently made an appointment to speak to another doctor, in a completely different field. This doctor is a very good friend of my friend. I only casually know her. Our DDs were at nursery together.

I got a text last night from my friend saying she was talking to her friend - the dr I made the appointment with - and that she is happy to see me informally and chat over coffee and refer me professionally to one of her colleagues. That way I will have the benefit of two experts. One professionally and one informally.

I'm livid. I'm cross with the dr for not respecting patient confidentiality. And with my friend for getting involved. But I know she did so because she genuinely cares about me and is worried about me. And maybe having two people to discuss things with us better ?

Any advice? Am I blowing this out of proportion?

[Saltyslug]

My service shares information in best interest. Information is widely shared but limited to the service itself. We still adhere to GDPR.

Doctor should not have shared this information, however it’s likely your friend can access all this information easily. Personally I would take this in the spirit it’s meant

[TheIbnEzra]

Friend dr trusts specialist dr. I think specialist might feel our relationship is too close perhaps. But why send that message via my friend? She should have refused the appointment and referred me to a colleague in the first place if she feels that way.

[Willdoitlater]

You have two doctors actually interested in you, willing to help you? I wouldn't be complaining if i was in that situation. I'm not criticising you, everyone is right, its unprofessional strictly speaking. But this situation may be to your advantage at a time when many are struggling even to get through to their disinterested, overworked GPs on the phone.

[Losttheequipment]

Ah, perhaps appointment doctor doesn’t want to see you because she knows you personally. Most wouldn’t if there was an alternative. Did she know that you had already discussed with friend doctor?

[TheIbnEzra]

@cakefanatic You have summed it all up much better than I did. Thankyou. And you seem to agree with my DH. Maybe I am overblowing this. I would feel better if that is the case. I don't like feeling angry. (But I do for some reason)

[Losttheequipment]

But why send that message via my friend? She should have refused the appointment and referred me to a colleague in the first place if she feels that way.
Yes, very odd. Friend doctor cannot refer you to anyone if she is not your GP.

[TheIbnEzra]

@Willdoitlater That is a nice way to look at it. You are right I think. I should be more grateful that both care about me and are eager to help. Thanks for helping me to see that.

[traumatisednoodle]

I am a doctor ( not a GP) I wouldn't do this. You only break patient confidentiality if someone is at risk.

[cakefanatic]

I have lots of medic friends and neighbours. I do tend to tell my friends if I’m likely to cross theirs paths professionally, even tangentially. Like, I see a breast surgeon (family history) and my opposite neighbour is an anaesthetist specialising in breast operations. I would absolutely tell her if I was going anywhere near an operating table.

Similarly, I have a couple of friends who are paediatricians. I let them know when DC was having something in their speciality.

Their usual response is to help in some way, although that’s not what I expect and I’m clear about that. I’ve never seen any of them professionally but they clearly do discuss stuff behind the scenes and I’m ok with that.

[sammylady37]

@cakefanatic

Ok so you told your friend you are seeing other Dr. Friend has probably mentioned that she knows you are coming to see other Dr, and other Dr has said that she is happy to chat to you informally and then you can also see one of her colleagues professionally so you get two appointments for the ‘price’ of one. You haven’t seen other doctor yet so there is very little specific confidential information she can give to your friend and your friend already knows you have the appointment.

If that’s the case this is pretty much a non-event.

Op, you’ve agreed that the above is likely what happened, you had yourself told your friend that you had made the appointment- where’s the breach of confidentiality here? Now that this has been clarified, I don’t see the issue tbh.

[YarnOver]

You shouldn't be seeing any dr if they're your friend

[MyOtherProfile]

The issue remains that OP was discussed by a Dr with her friend.

[Theredjellybean]

You arw not over blowing it at all, it is a breach of confidentiality.
So you told friend "hey I am going to see Dr xyz next week"... Friend says to Dr xyz " oh your seeing my friends ezra next week"
Dr xyz should say "sorry friend you know I can't tell you that"
As a Dr you should not only not discuss details of patients, you shouldn't even confirm if you are seeing them, unless the patient has given permission for you to speak to say a relative on their behalf.
The Gmc provides guidance on confidentiality and the rare occasions it can be breached but this is not one of them.
Your friend could be just fishing /guessing you were seeing Dr xyz... She was gossiping really.
I'd be cross too.
You need to tell Dr xyz that you wish to referred to her colleague as you do not trust her professionally as she clearly told your friend confidential details about your appointment, and you need to ask your friend why she thought it was OK to go fishing for details about your private confidential medical appointments. And I'd tell them both that they breached the Gmc guidance.
You might not want to get them. Into trouble but it's appaling lack of judgement on their parts and they should both know better.
You might not mind so much but other patients might.
Ps:I am a doctor, and can safely say this is unacceptable

[AbsolutelyPatsy]

i doubt there is a breach, she didnt have to mention your name, just the specifics. go for it op

[BrimFullOfAsher]

Yeah I agree with others, after the clarification it's not a breach of confidentiality from Dr. B at all.

You told your friend that you were seeing this Dr, she then went and addressed her. If there had been any breach it would have been from your friend, but as that is what she was - a friend and not being seen in a professional capacity, she has not breached confidence either.

It's more a case of your friend not respecting boundaries, so you are still entitled to feel annoyed

[AbsolutelyPatsy]

she has made the suggestion, it all seems very reasonable op. to go with her suggestion.

[YarnOver]

Oh sorry OP I thought both were friends. I misunderstood. The first Dr shouldn't have been discussing you! It's a breach of confidentiality for sure and I would want to change drs. I don't know that it's a total breach because drs can obviously discuss patients with each other say if they need advice and such. But the fact is she discussed you with a friend. I maybe wouldn't complain in order not to rock the boat with your friend but I would want to see another Dr for sure as like you say I wouldn't feel I could trust them with confidentiality. If you're paying for this can you see someone different who doesn't know your friend?

[Enko]

I am really confused as to what happened

Did you tell friend A (whom you usually see on a regular basis) that you had made an appointment with the other Doctor B (who Friend A is friends with?)

Or did Doctor B mention to Friend A that they were seeing you knowing the 2 of you were friends?


if you told friend A you were going to doctor B then how can you know there was a breach of confidentiality?

if you didn't tell friend A but Doctor B mentioned it then yes a breach for sure

[Lockeddown88]

Wait.

Did you tell your friend that you were seeing the other Dr? (And that’s why they discussed you).

Or the other Dr approached your friend and told her you’d booked an appointment then your friend approached you?!

If the first, then both are just being caring and you’re overthinking this.

If the second, then that is more than unprofessional of other Dr, and friend should still know when to keep work/friendship separate given the nature of her work.

[LaBellina]

Wow that’s very unprofessional!

I would complain about the dr that discussed you with your friend. Absolutely unacceptable and a gross, gross violation of patient confidentiality.

[MajesticWhine]

I don't really 100% understand this scenario but I think I would be pissed off. The friend needs to keep out of your business. And the other doctor needs to be professional and treat you and if she can't, then she can suggest another referral. And discuss that with you not your friend.

[OhSayWhat]

I think you didn’t help things by telling your friend doctor that you were seeing the other doctor. But regardless, the other doctor shouldn’t have confirmed or denied your appointment.

Either way, if it was me, I’d make my friend doctor my friend only and cut them out of my medical/health issues entirely. Then cancel the other doctor and find someone else. Yes, they may just be caring but you even acknowledge yourself that your friend doctor is, basically, a nosy busybody. I can’t stand that trait in people.

[AbsolutelyPatsy]

dont be livid, she cares for you and wants the best for you, you will benefit from this

[Asurvivor]

It doesn’t sound like a lack of patient confidentiality as you told friend doctor that you were seeing appointment doctor - and appointment doctor won’t know anything confidential about you yet.
Maybe you are angry because friend doctor involved herself without you asking her to (maybe in a well-meaning way but still unasked for). You might have wanted to have the conversation yourself with appointment doctor on next steps etc. You might feel you are being treated a bit like a child. Suggest that you say to friend doctor a bit more firmly thank you for your help but please only involve yourself when I ask you to, it is my life/ my health etc.