Divorce - going to lose house but can't afford rent..

[Worakls]

(also on divorce board)
Ex and I officially separated 15 months ago, I filed for divorce about a year ago...To cut a long story short, despite my ex agreeing that I could keep the house until DC is 18 or I can take over the mortgage, he's changed his mind. We are due to restart mediation next month. We only started in Nov despite me pushing for it a year ago as he has stalled on paperwork. We are now starting again with a new mediator as he said the last one was biased hmm. Anyway he wants his equity in the house. There's 50k equity total, £290k left on the mortgage. I can't buy him out and I can't take over the mortgage. I worked PT past 10 years to raise kids and changed careers too to facilitate his. He is self-employed and earns 6 figures, I am now FT but earn 1/3 his salary. So... If we sell he can buy himself a lovely 3 bed house and I can't buy anything (bloody South!) and can't afford to rent. Can't get any benefits as earn too much... So what do people do in these situations? He also announced he is not working at the moment, although he has not shown any changes in lifestyle since then, except to cut maintenance down hugely. I have solicitor so know I have to go back to mediation but I'm terrified I have to sell and then don't know where I will live. We have 2 kids (10 and 6) and he has them EOW and one night a week. He says he can't rent anymore as not suitable (2 bed flat) and he wants to buy. Just all seems so very very unfair 😔 Any advice?

[Esse321]

Stop breathe - you can keep the house until DC is 18 - that's a family court thing, he isn't allowed to make his children homeless.

[GreenDahlia]

Im not 100% sure but If he goes Bankrupt he can't be a Director again.

Check that out, OP but I think he'd do anything to avoid that.

[Hont1986]

Stop breathe - you can keep the house until DC is 18

This is not a guarantee and you shouldn't present it as such. Especially since her kids are relatively young and it sounds like her husband doesn't have any savings, that leans towards the house being sold.

[BlackDaffodil]

I think you need a Mesher Order to remain in the house until the kids are out of education or turn 18.

[arethereanyleftatall]

@Esse321

Stop breathe - you can keep the house until DC is 18 - that's a family court thing, he isn't allowed to make his children homeless.

This just isn't true. How can it be? What if the husband wants to move out and they have zero savings for a deposit - do they live in a box? A mesher order can only happen if it's affordable - ie for one to stay in the family house whilst the other still can afford somewhere to live. For most people; it's sell up and buy two cheaper properties.

[Starstruck2021]

That is outdated advice Esse321

My divorce went to court and there was an order to sell the house and split the equity even though I had two small dc.

[harknesswitch]

Speak to a solicitor and sort it that way. It's likely that you will get a larger share of the property due to you being the primary Carer and he has the dc eow. It's not as simple as 50/50. If he doesn't agree it will go to court and a judge will decide. A judge will also take into consideration any savings and pensions you both have, potential earnings etc.

You should also think about putting a claim into the cms for maint

[Worakls]

Thanks everyone. I do understand that he needs to be able to live too. My issue is that he can easily rent and save for a deposit. If he makes me sell so he can buy, I am then stuck. Doesn't seem right that me as the primary carer am put in this position so he can buy now. My solicitor originally said she was sure I would be awarded all the equity due to disparity of incomes and me having 70% custody. Unfortunately he is now unemployed (apparently) so this no longer stands. Also frustrates me that I have cut all my expenses. Sold my car, cancelled gym and have only Netflix as TV subscription etc. He however spends £1000 a month on car and gym, and also has top sky package. Can't help but feel if he made changes he could easily save and buy within a year! (If he goes back to work of course!)

[BlackDaffodil]

Perhaps he wants the clean break.

[Dacquoise]

Something doesn't add up here. He's planning to buy a house with no salary, has upped his outgoings substantially and telling you his business is going bust. Smells like porkies to me. You need full and frank disclosure and stop listening to the scare mongering. This is a very common ploy by high earners to scare you into giving up. A court will not allow one party to live the high life whilst the other is homeless. The children's housing needs comes first and may include spousal maintenance if there is a very high earner and a mortgage to be paid. My exhusband came up with an absolute fantasy story to avoid paying me what I was due. Judge took no notice and awarded accordingly.

The pension could very well be worth a lot of money and can be offset against other assets so don't let that go either. Once you have disclosure a one off trip to a direct access barrister may give you a clearer picture of the likely outcome if it went to court.

[Dacquoise]

My exhusband came up with a very convoluted story about his earnings going to reduce dramatically. Judge based his decision on last three years earnings well into six figures.

[Lili132]

OP are you sure you won't be eligible for Universal Credit? It works a lot better for people who work then previous benefits so maybe you will be able to top up your salary.

[ClarkeGriffin]

How is he spending that much month a month if he has no income and no savings? Oh that's right, because he's lying to you.

Ignore him op and just talk to your solicitor. You want to keep the house until the kids are of a certain age, you want half of his business even if it's going under (it isn't by the way), and you want maintenance calculated against what he was and is still earning.

Push on and ignore him. If you want, remind him that he is trying to make his children homeless essentially, but there's no point, he has no heart.

[FrustratedC0ffeeDrinker]

As mediation doesn’t appear to be working it sounds as if you need to file a Form E and take him to court for a financial hearing. It’s hard work and you could do this yourself with the advice of a solicitor as and when required (you don’t need to instruct one) to keep costs down. Potentially that’s the only way he’s going to listen.

[Abcdefg1234567abcdefg]

I am in a very similar situation to the poster. What was the outcome please? Did you manage to remain in your house with your children? Did the assets get split in favour of you and the children so you could afford somewhere to live?

[Flapjak]

He is a liar and is playing a strategy so you get fuck all . Then he will start his business up.again but still be giving you pittance. Its disgusting behaviour and really means he doesnt care about hus children in any meaningful way. I dont have any good advice other than make sure he knows you will push to full discovery of his assets and challenge him how he will get a mortgage if he doesnt have an income. He needs to show 3 years ? Claim on his pension now and future . What financial support did he give you when you were 'married'?