Divorce - going to lose house but can't afford rent..

[Worakls]

(also on divorce board)
Ex and I officially separated 15 months ago, I filed for divorce about a year ago...To cut a long story short, despite my ex agreeing that I could keep the house until DC is 18 or I can take over the mortgage, he's changed his mind. We are due to restart mediation next month. We only started in Nov despite me pushing for it a year ago as he has stalled on paperwork. We are now starting again with a new mediator as he said the last one was biased hmm. Anyway he wants his equity in the house. There's 50k equity total, £290k left on the mortgage. I can't buy him out and I can't take over the mortgage. I worked PT past 10 years to raise kids and changed careers too to facilitate his. He is self-employed and earns 6 figures, I am now FT but earn 1/3 his salary. So... If we sell he can buy himself a lovely 3 bed house and I can't buy anything (bloody South!) and can't afford to rent. Can't get any benefits as earn too much... So what do people do in these situations? He also announced he is not working at the moment, although he has not shown any changes in lifestyle since then, except to cut maintenance down hugely. I have solicitor so know I have to go back to mediation but I'm terrified I have to sell and then don't know where I will live. We have 2 kids (10 and 6) and he has them EOW and one night a week. He says he can't rent anymore as not suitable (2 bed flat) and he wants to buy. Just all seems so very very unfair 😔 Any advice?

[Flapjak]

He is a liar and is playing a strategy so you get fuck all . Then he will start his business up.again but still be giving you pittance. Its disgusting behaviour and really means he doesnt care about hus children in any meaningful way. I dont have any good advice other than make sure he knows you will push to full discovery of his assets and challenge him how he will get a mortgage if he doesnt have an income. He needs to show 3 years ? Claim on his pension now and future . What financial support did he give you when you were 'married'?

[Abcdefg1234567abcdefg]

I am in a very similar situation to the poster. What was the outcome please? Did you manage to remain in your house with your children? Did the assets get split in favour of you and the children so you could afford somewhere to live?

[FrustratedC0ffeeDrinker]

As mediation doesn’t appear to be working it sounds as if you need to file a Form E and take him to court for a financial hearing. It’s hard work and you could do this yourself with the advice of a solicitor as and when required (you don’t need to instruct one) to keep costs down. Potentially that’s the only way he’s going to listen.

[ClarkeGriffin]

How is he spending that much month a month if he has no income and no savings? Oh that's right, because he's lying to you.

Ignore him op and just talk to your solicitor. You want to keep the house until the kids are of a certain age, you want half of his business even if it's going under (it isn't by the way), and you want maintenance calculated against what he was and is still earning.

Push on and ignore him. If you want, remind him that he is trying to make his children homeless essentially, but there's no point, he has no heart.

[Lili132]

OP are you sure you won't be eligible for Universal Credit? It works a lot better for people who work then previous benefits so maybe you will be able to top up your salary.

[Dacquoise]

My exhusband came up with a very convoluted story about his earnings going to reduce dramatically. Judge based his decision on last three years earnings well into six figures.

[Dacquoise]

Something doesn't add up here. He's planning to buy a house with no salary, has upped his outgoings substantially and telling you his business is going bust. Smells like porkies to me. You need full and frank disclosure and stop listening to the scare mongering. This is a very common ploy by high earners to scare you into giving up. A court will not allow one party to live the high life whilst the other is homeless. The children's housing needs comes first and may include spousal maintenance if there is a very high earner and a mortgage to be paid. My exhusband came up with an absolute fantasy story to avoid paying me what I was due. Judge took no notice and awarded accordingly.

The pension could very well be worth a lot of money and can be offset against other assets so don't let that go either. Once you have disclosure a one off trip to a direct access barrister may give you a clearer picture of the likely outcome if it went to court.

[BlackDaffodil]

Perhaps he wants the clean break.

[Worakls]

Thanks everyone. I do understand that he needs to be able to live too. My issue is that he can easily rent and save for a deposit. If he makes me sell so he can buy, I am then stuck. Doesn't seem right that me as the primary carer am put in this position so he can buy now. My solicitor originally said she was sure I would be awarded all the equity due to disparity of incomes and me having 70% custody. Unfortunately he is now unemployed (apparently) so this no longer stands. Also frustrates me that I have cut all my expenses. Sold my car, cancelled gym and have only Netflix as TV subscription etc. He however spends £1000 a month on car and gym, and also has top sky package. Can't help but feel if he made changes he could easily save and buy within a year! (If he goes back to work of course!)

[harknesswitch]

Speak to a solicitor and sort it that way. It's likely that you will get a larger share of the property due to you being the primary Carer and he has the dc eow. It's not as simple as 50/50. If he doesn't agree it will go to court and a judge will decide. A judge will also take into consideration any savings and pensions you both have, potential earnings etc.

You should also think about putting a claim into the cms for maint

[Starstruck2021]

That is outdated advice Esse321

My divorce went to court and there was an order to sell the house and split the equity even though I had two small dc.

[arethereanyleftatall]

@Esse321

Stop breathe - you can keep the house until DC is 18 - that's a family court thing, he isn't allowed to make his children homeless.

This just isn't true. How can it be? What if the husband wants to move out and they have zero savings for a deposit - do they live in a box? A mesher order can only happen if it's affordable - ie for one to stay in the family house whilst the other still can afford somewhere to live. For most people; it's sell up and buy two cheaper properties.

[BlackDaffodil]

I think you need a Mesher Order to remain in the house until the kids are out of education or turn 18.

[Hont1986]

Stop breathe - you can keep the house until DC is 18

This is not a guarantee and you shouldn't present it as such. Especially since her kids are relatively young and it sounds like her husband doesn't have any savings, that leans towards the house being sold.

[GreenDahlia]

Im not 100% sure but If he goes Bankrupt he can't be a Director again.

Check that out, OP but I think he'd do anything to avoid that.

[Esse321]

Stop breathe - you can keep the house until DC is 18 - that's a family court thing, he isn't allowed to make his children homeless.

[Agirlcalled]

2 kids!

[Agirlcalled]

Another one saying hold your nerve. Going through something very similar. He is trying to force sale. 1 kids. However the courts priority is housing the children. You have them the majority. The children have to be suitably housed. You don't have the ability to take on a big mortgage. This will be taken into account. Sending a load of nerve for you to hold.

[Fireflygal]

Tbf if he is a contractor then IR35 might be a factor.

He can block an unreasonable move but if you can show you have to move then you wouldn't be stopped, especially if he isn't having much time with the children.

Have you spoken to a mortgage company to see what mortgage you could get, assume some CMS income. You can then negotiate more of the equity for a deposit.
I remember when I left how impossible it all felt but eventually I found a way through it. If you work FT you are doing all you can.

[Livandme]

I think he's playing you op. He has been hiding money this last year I would bet my mortgage on it
Get copies of the business accounts.

[LouiseTrees]

If the business is going bankrupt ( because he’s deliberately pushed it that way) and he starts a new one in the same trade it’s called a Phoenix and you can report him to HMRC. You can also make a case that he should be judged unfit to be a director. I’d be seriously considering what you know about his past business dealings and whether you have leverage there.

[Worakls]

I shall try and answer everything here!
He is the director of his own limited company and is usually employed as a contractor. The work has apparently stopped and he hadn't been working for the past 2 months. But I'm not sure what to believe as he hasn't made any changes in lifestyl and he also doesn't see the kids anymore. They go to after-school club one day a week for example, which I pay for. You'd think if he wasn't working, he'd be having them.
We have such low equity as we only managed to buy our first house 4 years ago with 5% deposit as I worked PT and childcare costs were high. Also he spends a lot, which also answers the what has he spent money on the past year in a lockdown. A car on PCP that costs an insane amount each month, a personal training gym that costs more than my monthly food bill, lots of new clothes, paddle board and all the equipment to go with it, fancy coffee machine, new white goods for his mum (no issues with that tbh) etc etc.
I already work FT and have worked my arse off to get a promotion and earn a decent salary. I think if I worked the weekend I don't have the kids I'd actually collapse. I am absolutely shattered from a 40 hour week, all school runs and chores, I don't feel like I cope as it is.
I'd consider moving but he would block it unfortunately.
And no, no frank and full disclosure yet... Still waiting and now starting the whole bloody process all over again!
Oh and he says the business is going bankrupt so no assets there. No other assets except pension which we're still waiting on
Bit of a mess really isn't it 😣

[Fireflygal]

If there are no assets other than 50k then it will be split but unlikely to be 50:50 given earnings discrepancy. I think you would get more but it could almost cost £50k to go to court so avoid that route.
Why isn't he working? How does he think he can get a mortgage if no earnings??

The reality is there isn't enough in the pot to house both of you adequately with small amount of equity. Any pensions?

It is incredibly hard for single parents as housing costs are so high. Only option work full time, rent or buy a very small place and live in it or move areas. Judges prefer a clean break and it's not realistic that your Ex pays the mortgage for the next 12 years as that doesn't allow him to move on and get another mortgage.

Do you have any family support? There is always a solution but it's tough time with uncertainty.

[Diverseopinions]

If your ex is going to buy somewhere, he will need to service the mortgage to keep that place. That means he will have to be working. He won't get a mortgage if he can't demonstrate continuous earning ( I presume). Surely the child support agency or equivalent will take child maintenance out of his earnings at source, if he doesn't agree to pay?

I would consider one option to be suggesting he stays in the house with you all, for a while, until you see a way through. He could contribute .

I would also be trying to get some extra work on the weekends that he has the children. What about your work and childcare during the long summer holidays? How is that going to work?

What about local authority housing? If you say you won't be able to afford to rent or buy and you supply figures to prove it, will the LA have to find you a cheap place to rent? Are you eligible for tax credits?

Has there been any full and frank disclosure of assets on his part?

Is it a silly suggestion to see if you could have a friend, cousin or sibling as a lodger with you, giving you some rent money? ( I don't know how big your place is, or if it lends itself to this). Do you have family who can help or lend you money, at all?

Moving to a cheaper area, as a previous poster suggests would be worth considering.

[Starstruck2021]

What does your solicitor advise you should do?