Cant get to sleep at nights. Help!

[Cinderstella]

I lost both my parents last year, Dad to Covid 19 and Mum to Alzheimers. I thought I was coping extremely well over the last few months, just having a tear every so often when a nice memory came to me.
However, for the last while I’ve had no sleep. I’m tired when I go to bed but then pictures of their dead faces keep coming into my head and won’t go away. I was with my Dad when he died and it was peaceful. I wasn’t with my Mum but raced to her and spent some time alone with her after she had died. None of these experiences frightened me at the time and I was glad I was there. Now though, I feel anxious, frightened I think, it’s a difficult thing to describe and I just can’t seem to shift those pictures from my head when I retire at night. What to do? 😢

[Cinderstella]

Thanks@MrsVogon

[MrsVogon]

@Cinderstella

Tried an online meditation last night. No problem sleeping. Will keep going with it. 🌈

@Cinderstella that's good new re: the meditation working.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It will take a while for you to process all of what happened and adjust to living with grief. Lots of good recommendations on this thread too. xx

[FreeAt50]

My dear dad's death hit me several months after he died and I had a really bad reaction. I had some counselling, only a couple of sessions plus did some sleep mindfulness meditation and also the odd sleeping pill when it got really bad (went on for months). Now mindful meditation (I use Abraham Hicks, lots on youtube) plus This Works sleep spray work wonders for me!

[Cinderstella]

Tried an online meditation last night. No problem sleeping. Will keep going with it. 🌈

[DianaT1969]

Sorry for your loss. I find lavender oil on my pillow helps, Epsom salts in the bath or footbath in the evening (magnesium absorbed through the skin), vitamin D and magnesium late afternoon. Also, an electric blanket is very comforting as you fall asleep. I think of good thoughts as I try to drift off - my favourite places.

[Alcemeg]

I'm not surprised you're reliving this constantly, it's a huge loss to come to terms with. Give it time.

Try controlling your breathing with some simple exercises. The best one is described from 5:25 onwards here:

It's a technique that they use in the military, and I've found it very effective.

Good luck, and may time heal your grief! X

[Strike000]

So sorry for your loss.

My mum died last year and I had a similar experience being kept awake with thoughts of her last days and seeing her body once she’d died. Some things that helped me were:

Cruse bereavement counselling
Reading the book Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman
Having a good cry every day, whenever I felt like it
(These three things helped get the thoughts out in the day)
Also ear plugs
Adding extra blankets so the duvet was heavy
Sleeping on my own
Being properly hydrated
Taking iron tablets (I was borderline anaemic and this really helped)
Having a healthy bedtime routine and going to bed at the same time every night
Exercise
No alcohol

I’ve only just started sleeping deeply 9 months later. I wish you every success!

[awishes]

I just want to say how sorry I am for your losses. I have trouble sleeping because of different trauma and have found Jason Stephenson on you Tube really helpful. It's as though my mind is expecting it each night so the intrusive thoughts and images don't get a look in and sleep comes much quicker. Almost like my brain is being conditioned. Worth a try, good luck 💐

[Cinderstella]

Oh thanks so much@pandora206,Shehasadiamondinthesky,name hangefail2020.

Everyone is being so kind. 🙏

[namechangefail2020]

So sorry. I wish you long life

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

i had a period of deep stress and anxiety and put on 10 hour relaxation videos on youtube, you can get black screen ones. I loved the snow storm or rain in log cabins with a lovely fire crackling in the background. They got me over my rough period and I can sleep normally now.

[pandora206]

Jason Stephenson's YouTube videos are excellent. There are quite a variety specifically for sleep and relaxation. You can just use the sound if the screen is to intrusive.

[Cinderstella]

GlenHarold@again2020. Thank you.

[again2020]

Glenn Harold sleep hypnosis app is brilliant. So so sorry for your loss OP

[Cinderstella]

Thanks@Whydidimarryhim. I’ll try out the meditations from Insight Timer and the Yoga Nidra. Much appreciated.

[Whydidimarryhim]

Hi Op sorry to hear of the losses. Yes to non medical intervention re sleep.
Insight timer has 80,000 free meditations.
Yoga Nidra is good for sleep too.
Grief is not linear and it goes up and down in its process.
Some gentle walking, a warm bath before bed and no tech within at least an hour before bed.
💐

[Cinderstella]

Thank you@TossaCoinToYerWitcher and@youvegottenminuteslyn.
Much appreciated.

[youvegottenminuteslynn]

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your losses OP

[TossaCoinToYerWitcher]

@category12

It doesn't sound like you've really allowed yourself to grieve to me - maybe you've been a bit too busy "coping" and not really dealt with the bereavements fully? Maybe pushed it aside a bit? And now it's creeping up on you?

I'm so sorry for your losses. It must have been really tough, especially in these times. It's OK not to cope. It's OK to seek support.

Just want to echo this. I think it is part of the grieving process - i had similar when I ended my marriage because of infidelity. During the day I would be fine, but at night unwanted memories of times I'd spent as a couple would pop into my head unbidden and keep me awake. I've heard its the brain's way of processing traumatic events - it almost has to throw the memories back up so the concious brain can reprocess them in light of the jarring, new reality.

[superstar63]

Thank you.

[dogmandu]

Hi

here you are. They have lots of good recommendations. Good luck xx

www.amazon.co.uk/LAVENDER-PURE-OIL-500mg-ameliorates/dp/B01MSRCN5O/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&crid=3AIJHL61QT8BU&keywords=lasea%20lavender%20capsules&sprefix=lasea%20%2Caps%2C463&qid=1614100321&sr=8-3&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[superstar63]

@dogmandu

Can you link to which lavendar tablets worked for you please, I have tried everything (or so I thought) but although I have tried lavendar spray I have never tried the tablets.

[Cinderstella]

Thank you everyone for your replies. Very helpful advice. I do meditate already and sometimes that helps. I think the grieving is definitely catching up with me now as I was kept very busy to start with after they had died.
I had a breakthrough last night though. Slept the best I had in ages. A real deep sleep. How did I manage it. Visualisation technique. Burning the bad memories in order to let the good memories surface. Don’t know if it will always work but we’ll see.

[Simma2]

Definitely look into mindfulness. It will help you relax and bring you peace of mind once you 'get it'. I was with my mum when she died. At first I still used to hear her call out to me. It took at least a year before I became aware that I felt differently inside, like the pain of the loss wasn't so strong and I did begin to move forward. Confidence & relaxation hypnosis tapes worked well too. Give yourself time x

[category12]

It doesn't sound like you've really allowed yourself to grieve to me - maybe you've been a bit too busy "coping" and not really dealt with the bereavements fully? Maybe pushed it aside a bit? And now it's creeping up on you?

I'm so sorry for your losses. It must have been really tough, especially in these times. It's OK not to cope. It's OK to seek support.