Is there anything more repulsive than a man-child?

[ManOrAnimal]

Hands down I'm with a man child. Obviously everything wrong with the relationship is somehow my problem or my issue. I didn't notice his ridiculous over the top man-child behaviour until we had a child. Because of the hours we both worked we spent little time together that wasn't fun socialising. Well now covid has put paid to that, I've had a baby and been on maternity, I'm fairly certain my body has clamped shut and is just repulsed by the mere thought of his repugnant self, moaning daily about something or other and being generally self righteous or hurt if I point out any shortcomings (and there are tonnes). I honestly feel I've walked into some messed up time warp and I'm living in a 1950s/current day nightmare mash up! Even his mum has weighed in on a couple of things and yet when I change my plans to accommodate the petulant man-child he didn't actually want to do what he fought for. He just wanted to look like father of the bloody year and me the ogre. I've just spent 2.5 hours settling our baby back to sleep and he couldn't even be bothered to assist. He never does and has never helped even though he told me all the things he'd do with the baby he's done nothing.

Thank goodness I'm back at work and earning full again. I'm going to need it when this wendy house castle comes crashing down.

Has he spoken to you like that before?

Maybe you could try and get him to go, you share the place and you have the baby?

That said, it doesn't sound like he's too bothered about your welfare at the moment.

God, sorry OP.
Having been spoken to like that myself I know how painful it is.

@ManOrAnimal - hold your nerve. Stand your ground. 🏋🏻‍♀️

Sorry, I didn't make that clear.
There are two of you and one of him.
He should go.

@Daisydoesnt

To be honest OP, with you calling him “repulsive” and “repugnant” I think you’re just as bad. I can’t see there’s anyway back for your marriage, you both evidently despise each other.

I don't agree with this. If he's not helping and calling op etc then she's obviously broken by this man so she has every right to think this as he's pushed her Into a corner she probably didn't use to feel this way. Not nice been in these situations and I don't think you'd ever know the resentment that you can get from someone who sits their like a lard of butter on the sofa all day when your run riot doing everything

I haven't actually said those things to his face it's how I feel about him right now and particularly after another night of me doing everything.

@spidermomma and the sofa which I am solely paying for.

DC is with me. We're not married btw.

I agree with you spidermomma, these feelings of hatred develop over time, they are not immediate.

I loved and adored my DP in the first few years we were together, and particularly thought he would be a great Dad because of how he seemed to be with his DS.m, when we didn't live together.

Over the more recent years we've been together I have grown to dislike him due to his behaviour. As an example, I have no evenings because he does his hobby every evening, and won't put the DC to bed. DD3 has SEN, so it takes a couple of hours EVERY NIGHT to get her to sleep, and by that time, I'm exhausted too. I have no time in the morning, as he sleeps in until past 9am sometimes, as he's so exhausted from doing his hobby until late into the night, and he won't get the DC ready for nursery/pre-school, or give them breakfast.

I work full-time, so during the week, I have no time to myself due to him being a selfish bastard, and that's a kind description of him.

The only time he will take the DC is for a couple of hours lie-on on Sunday morning (i.e. now). However when I get up I'll have to do everything, as he won't have given the DC breakfast or bathed them, but he'll behave as if he's Dad of the year because he's given the DC a beaker of milk each to drink, and plonked them in front of the TV while he lies on the sofa .

@itsovernowthen have we got the same partners ? Haha
I totally get how you feel and it's not bloody fair. Mine doesn't do jack shit but sit on his phone all day sayin he's looking for something important
Well football news is going to have a detrimental effect to your dc lives when your team gets a new player, sorry mate !
I used to adore my DP an did everything for him but il be honest I just physically can't speak to him lately, I can't go near him due to his lack of help. Iv 2 disabled kids so once I get them to bed I'm cooking and cleaning until gone 10 then it's shower and. Bed for me then I'm up at 6 for school runs then and I have a 9mo too! He's never taken or picked dc up from school or nothing. Iv even given him my engagement ring back as iv said it means nothing if theirs nothing between us! I feel as if he is my 4th child along with my dsc who I do everything for also, they don't speak to dp it's all me . Mentally and physically draining isn't it !
But op I would be kicking him out if anything say youl stay with your parents until he can find alternative arrangements he has 4 weeks and make sure. You go back home as you and dc have everything their and all paid for by you! Xx

Just checking back in OP and can see things have moved on a lot. Dd is now 2 and the first year of her life was horrific. When I first started confronting DH he said I was 'evil' for saying how it was rather than the perception he wanted. Have I lost respect for him? In that time, yes I have. However, I can see the times he has had made an effort to change and I can also see how PILs dysfunctional relationship with each other and their children has impacted so as we are married I guess I'm willing to give a little time. That said, we had those arguments in the very early days with sleep deprivation, baby sick etc. If he called me a cunt now his arse would be out the door..

TBH if you feel this way towards him, and it is getting to the point when he starts throwing insults at you it,s probably best it is over. But you can be civil and say how you feal you have grown apart and the spark is o longer there try to work together regarding your child.