In Laws inventing problems AGAIN

[PrincessBuggerPants]

I have managed to remain suitably detached from my awful in laws, but they managed to make me see red this afternoon over the latest bonkers problem inventing fiasco.

My child's birthday is soon and they had asked what my child would like and we made a suggestion. They bought this. Fine, and nice of them. I am genuinely grateful.

However, we found out in this weekend's weekly Skype meeting that they took it upon themselves to assemble it, decided it was so hard to assemble that they refuse to disassemble it as they want to save us the trouble of reassembling it… This means it doesn't fit back in the box. They say they can't find another box it will fit in, so can't send it.

We suggested they drive it down to us tomorrow afternoon and see their grandchild before lockdown on Thursday. This is not possible because they are making some other bits to go with the gift and they aren't going to be finished by tomorrow. Lovely. So I (stupidly) suggested that they just send us those bits in the post when they are finished.

MIL immediately snapped that I 'obviously, really, really wanted to get my hands on this present'

I am seeing red as around this time last year we tried to organise Christmas with them and they kicked up a stink about not being able to fit us in with other family members who might (though they hadn't actually asked them yet) might also want to come. After pleading with them that actually we would all be able to fit in the house fine in various very straightforward sleeping arrangements, I (stupidly) suggested we might just come up on Christmas Day early in the morning and leave in the evening as they are just over an hour away.

You would have thought I had served them a shit sandwich. MIL was furious and when I asked her if she would rather we didn't come at all, simply didn't have an answer for that. Then, and only then did she concede she would ask the other family members if they were coming or not (they weren't). We went up for Christmas, had an ok time, and they bonkersness about her flap about sleeping arrangements was never mentioned ever again.

What do you call this behaviour?

It is worse than problem finding, it is problem inventing, but the problems are demonstrably not real. So it's not even shit stirring.

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

[quote TerribleLizard]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken
OP suggested they bring it, but apparently they can’t bring it separately to some other things they haven’t made yet, so it won’t arrive in time for the birthday.[/quote]
So that's their problem then. I wouldn't take it on as a problem for me to try to deal with.

[TerribleLizard]

People who flap about stuff like this are annoying, though. It doesn’t have to be your problem to solve for it to be annoying behaviour. Plus it builds up over time.

[TerribleLizard]

OP, I have my own version of your ILs. We will be greeted with ‘oh no, you’ve brought a bag, well I don’t know if it will fit in the car, everything’s already packed, maybe I could take my walking boots out of the boot, but I’d have to put them on my knee and they’re ever so muddy, I could wear them in the car but I don’t like to drive in them, well I don’t know what to do...’ and on and on, until I have gone to the car, found an almost empty boot and called ‘DP, your tiny will fit in the empty boot, we’re ok!’

[PrincessBuggerPants]

@alltheusernamesarealreadytaken your scenario is not comparable to mine, nor relevant.

I would like to politely remind you this is not AIBU.

[CorianderLord]

Boondoggle? It means making work out of nothing which is of no value for the sake of being busy. They're boondoggling.

[S00LA]

@C8H10N4O2

What do you call this behaviour?

I call it behaviour DH can deal with in his own family.

Let them sort out how to send it, don't waste brain cycles on it. If they can't arrange it they can't. Ditto invitations - send the invite, if they don't want to accept then so be it.

This is EXCELLENT advice.

[PostItJoyWeek]

Drop the rope.

psychcentral.com/blog/families-engaged-in-tug-of-war-how-to-drop-the-rope/

[callmeadoctor]

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

My in-laws got my son a cozy coupe for his birthday and assembled it themselves. They brought it around with a bow on it.

I was delighted. I didn't have to put it together while a impatient toddler climbed all over me. I didn't have to dispose of the huge box. Toy was ready for my son to get straight into and play with.

You come off as wanting there to be issues between you.

Excellent advice, lifes too short OP. Let it go (and leave for your DH to sort!)