My Sister's 4 year old son (my nephew) stealing from my 2 year old son

[musicmama18]

Hi All,

Not too sure on this one.. Any advice greatly appreciated.

My sister's son is just turning 4. He comes to our house around twice a month and will often stay over with us all, me, my son, my husband, his mum etc.,

He is a lovely boy deep down but very difficult, massive tantrums, extreme attention seeking and at times heavy handed - needs to be kept a very close eye on when with my son.

Anyway, at my son's 2nd birthday a few months back, he took one of the toy cars that his dad (my DH) got him for his birthday. My heart broke. (yes, i'm very sensitive)

I only knew as I had popped to my sisters house for the day (her boy was at school) and she mentioned it. I asked for it back and kept it very lighthearted, but she couldn't find it. She said her son tried to hide it from her but she saw him playing with it in his room. I said not to worry just hand it to me next time.

my sister and her husband do not get on and argue a lot, hence why her son is attention seeking.

how on earth do i deal with this? or is this situation very common?

Also, a very big side note, but whenever they stay over her son wets the bed (of course, as he is only just turning 4) but my sister doesn't seem bothered at all. just takes the sheet off and leaves it by the side of the bed.

surely she should bring an absorbent mat or something? i certainly would no matter where I stayed?

[musicmama18]

Eek!!!

Ok so I feel very dreadful.

I did say he is a lovely boy in the first post and mean that, but of course some of you chose to focus on other things I said, understandably so.

I agree though, I have labelled too soon and yes some of you are correct that myself and my sister are not too close, nor do we get on massively well.

I agree about projecting. Thank you for the insights.

Sometimes it’s good to get an awakening from others you don’t know..

I can be in my own world a bit with my son and agree I need to be aware of that.

[category12]

@musicmama18

Eek!!!

Ok so I feel very dreadful.

I did say he is a lovely boy in the first post and mean that, but of course some of you chose to focus on other things I said, understandably so.

I agree though, I have labelled too soon and yes some of you are correct that myself and my sister are not too close, nor do we get on massively well.

I agree about projecting. Thank you for the insights.

Sometimes it’s good to get an awakening from others you don’t know..

I can be in my own world a bit with my son and agree I need to be aware of that.

It's natural to feel a bit annoyed and protective of your little one when a bigger child is being a bit domineering and taking advantage - but just remember, he is only four and try not to let your dislike of your sister colour your views of him. He's so little really.

[musicmama18]

Thanks @category12

Exactly. I don’t know kids as haven’t been around too many 3/4 year olds, only know my own age wise..

But yes 4 is very young. Like I said, he is lovely and I do dote on him, I suppose I’m a bit too protective of my boy.

[billy1966]

Sounds like he is aware he is in a toxic environment and could well be jealous of your happy home.

He will be hugely affected by the atmosphere in his home and his father's avoidance.

[JSCM]

I think you're wise to get a handle on labelling and judging tiny kids because, well, how are you going to feel about your son's pals when they're at school and they behave the same way ( wait until you come across pokemon cards 😂) or it is yours, and you can't give a backstory to over analyse childish behaviour by umm children.

[musicmama18]

Exactly 😂

[Incrediblytired]

I think other posters have given a lot of sensible advice but also I think that you were right to bring it up with your sister. The only way children learn is through boundaries so sister needs to get the car back as a matter of principle, to help her child learn not to take things.

[musicmama18]

I totally agree xx

[AskEvans]

OP I think you are imagining a chasm of difference between the maturity of a 2 year old and the maturity of a 4 year old.
My small daughter used to see the odd thing that she wanted when she was little and even though she knew it was wrong, took them anyway. She once took a library book from her primary school when she was 4 and hid it at home because she really liked the book and flatly denied any knowledge of where it was. She soon grew out of it. Her love of books continued, she just got a distinction in her English Literature Masters degree so she didn't turn out to be a delinquent. It's like when you ask a small child with chocolate around their mouths if they have eaten chocolate and they say no. It's just a phase and an innocent manoeuvre.

[AskEvans]

May I add she even cut out the front page of the book that said it belonged to the school in order to destroy evidence that she had taken it

[IndecentFeminist]

that kind of kid?! He's 4! You seem to have him legged as some kind of delinquent.

Taking something home with you at 5 is very normal. Wetting the bed at 4 is very normal. Neither a sign of trauma.

This is you wanting something to judge your sister for, her son sounds normal.

[coronasharona]

Why do you have your sister staying over so much if you don't get on? Sounds a bit martyr-ish.
And heart broken about a toy car? How do you cope with actually important stuff?

[Plussizejumpsuit]

@TobblyBobbly

I think stealing is a strong word to use here. From your title I was expecting you to say he had taken money!

Yep. Very dramatic op. I think you need to think about why you are so bothered by this. You also seem very concern about what's going on with your sil and how she parents.

[musicmama18]

That’s already been said, but thanks for input.

[musicmama18]

@coronasharona I think her staying once every other month is not too often tbh.. when I say heart broken, I don’t mean literally upset I mean it in jest.. Perhaps most of you are taking that part a bit strong. It was a birthday gift for my son and he had it for all of 5 mins and was quite enjoying it before it went walk a-bouts. I cope with important stuff quite well, thanks for the concern.

[musicmama18]

@IndecentFeminist thanks for repeating what’s already been said.

[musicmama18]

@Plussizejumpsuit just giving some background context is all.

[musicmama18]

@AskEvans 🙏🙏

[musicmama18]

@Incrediblytired thank you 🙏

[coronasharona]

You meant heart broken in jest? It's not funny though. What's the jest?
I wouldn't want to take my kids to stay with someone who clearly didn't really have any respect for my parenting once every 2 months. I'd be keeping you at a very safe distance.

[Bubbletrouble43]

Jeez. Overreaction where his behaviour is concerned. You may be right to worry about him being in an unhappy home but please don't label him a problem child, and be heartbroken ( sounds a bit manipulative on your part that tbh) because he nicked a toy car off a toddler. If you think that's a big deal you're going to have to toughen up a bit...

[musicmama18]

@coronasharona not a joke, no - not to be taken seriously. Not sure where you got the ‘respect for parenting’ from.

[Figgyboa]

Sounds a bit OTT. He's 4 yo, he didn't steal anything. Your sister told you, so they weren't trying to hide it from you, and she would return it when she found it. Heart broken is very dramatic, its a toy car.

[Clareflairmare]

This is a non story. 4 year old takes a toy to bed and 4 year old wets a bed. Literally the most normal, mundane things ever.

If you’re concerned about bed wetting ask her to bring a protective sheet.

I really don’t understand why you were ‘heartbroken’ about the toy car

[Clareflairmare]

You sound hard work to be honest