Trying to get rid of an old boyfriend

[Pinky1952]

I need some advice. I have been very stupid and got myself into a situation. I don't know what to do. I've been married to my second husband for 25 years. For the last 3 years we've been at home together due to his retirement due to ill health and my retirement. Just before lockdown I answered a post on Facebook and someone responded to my reply. It was a boyfriend I had over 50 years ago. He is now 77, divorced after 47 years of marriage and not in good health. He started messaging me and begged me to visit him. I told him it was difficult and he said my hubby should let me have some freedom. He has been a bit nasty in a couple of messages about my weight, smoking and other things. My friend said I should block him. He is always on about the different women he's had but I don't believe some of it. We message every day but it gets a bit much. I have met up with him a couple of times. Everytime I try to cut down on the messaging he sends me a message to say I'm scaring him. He thinks that if anything happens to my husband I will run into his arms. He gives me the guilt trip if I broke off my contact that's him finished. I don't want any type of relationship with him whether I'm married or widowed.

[Pinky1952]

I feel a bit more relaxed now I've blocked him. I have been anxious about all this for months.

[iluvgab]

As I get older the less I can tolerate anything like this.
The first time someone crosses the line they get blocked. End of.
I do this because I have had a tendency in the past to let people get away with stuff and they just get worse if you let the first thing go.

[Frunkle]

He sounds abusive. Criticising you, pressuring you to message him and see him, trying to drive a wedge into your marriage, threatening to harm himself if you stop contact (if I've interpreted that bit correctly). He clearly knows you don't want this but he's trying to force himself into your life regardless.

Well done for blocking this toxic mess of a man.

[ivykaty44]

Drop him a note saying that he's overstepped foundries and you are therefore not wanting any more contact and you'll not be responding any further.

Then block him - google how to bloc someone on facebook if you don't know

[Whatup]

Does he know where you live?

[Whatup]

Tell him to fuck off excuse my language

[newnameforthis123]

Sorry after "he's" out of contact, typo.

[newnameforthis123]

In addition to blocking him, which I see you've done now, I really think you need to consider why you started talking to him and continued to do so for so long.

It was an unhealthy, unproductive thing to do and seems odd if you're in a relationship to talk to an ex on a daily basis after she's out of contact?

[Pinky1952]

I have now blocked him on everything and uninstalled the messaging app. Thankyou everyone for your comments and help. xx

[Beamur]

He's taking advantage of you being a nice, kind person.
You don't owe him anything really.
Either tell him you don't want to be in contact anymore and block him, or just block him. Don't get sucked in again by any sad stories, threats or drama.

[Ruminating2020]

No contact is the way to go op.

Sadly, I knew someone like this. They seem to be able to detect those with low self esteem and weak boundaries even if you've said no before, they will find a way of undermining that. My experience put a strain on my marriage and my mental health which I am still feeling guilty and ashamed about today.

Please just block him and have nothing more to do with him. His feelings are not your responsibility. Your marriage is your priority here, please do not let this poisonous creature destroy you.

[Anordinarymum]

@Pinky1952

I need some advice. I have been very stupid and got myself into a situation. I don't know what to do. I've been married to my second husband for 25 years. For the last 3 years we've been at home together due to his retirement due to ill health and my retirement. Just before lockdown I answered a post on Facebook and someone responded to my reply. It was a boyfriend I had over 50 years ago. He is now 77, divorced after 47 years of marriage and not in good health. He started messaging me and begged me to visit him. I told him it was difficult and he said my hubby should let me have some freedom. He has been a bit nasty in a couple of messages about my weight, smoking and other things. My friend said I should block him. He is always on about the different women he's had but I don't believe some of it. We message every day but it gets a bit much. I have met up with him a couple of times. Everytime I try to cut down on the messaging he sends me a message to say I'm scaring him. He thinks that if anything happens to my husband I will run into his arms. He gives me the guilt trip if I broke off my contact that's him finished. I don't want any type of relationship with him whether I'm married or widowed.

This boyfriend from over 50 years.. were you in love with him back then and is he reminding you of a past life you sometimes long for ?

He is not the same person as was and neither are you. You need to ghost him as the other lady said before it reverberates on to your marriage.

[SoulofanAggron]

Block on everything, especially now he's become verbally/emotionally abusive.

[Noshowlomo]

What a weirdo

[myhobbyisouting]

Block him on all social media and on your phone as well as email if he has that.

You don't owe him anything. Just ghost

[Kalula]

*and you actually choose to [meet] with him?

[Kalula]

So he insults your appearance and you, belittles your marriage - and you actually choose to with him? I don't understand. If your 'relationship' was so long ago and you were young, it was just a kids thing anyway, so why even validate it with meeting up with him? If someone arrogantly assumed I would leave my husband for him, or would return to him if my husband was no longer around, and insulted me and my appearance, I would have blocked him on that first day, and NEVER looked back or answered him ever again. Where is your self esteem? He insulted you he runs down your appearance and you......reward him? I don't get it. He is a loser. He always will be. Block him permanently.

I'd also be worried about what he could do to your husband. Might be worth telling the police to have it on record - or at least just write it down in a book somewhere so you have noted the comments -
he said my hubby should let me have some freedom.
and
He thinks that if anything happens to my husband I will run into his arms.

Maybe it's just me, but those two sentences, when put together ring alarm bells to me. Does he know where you and your husband live?

[isthismylifenow]

I'm also wondering why you met up with him.

[AvoidingRealHumans]

I got to the point where I was replying and talking to someone I used to be involved with even though he wasn't very nice to me and in all honesty I didn't want to.
I think, subconsciously I was worried about his feelings.
In the end I just decided that I needed to get a bit of a backbone and stop putting up with shit that I wasn't happy with.
I told him never to contact me again and blocked him, I felt so much better after and I have used that feeling to stop putting up with shit from other people and learning to say no and not feeling like I have to explain myself all the time either.

I really do feel so much better. If I were you I would just cut contact, tell him you don't want to communicate anymore and then block. If you leave time for a reply he will probably say what he thinks you want to hear and you won't go through with the blocking.
You owe him nothing, do what you want to do.

[Catsarelush]

Why would you actually meet up with him? You don’t have to meet, talk or message if you don’t want to.

[Hailtomyteeth]

Just block. He has no right to your time or attention.

[Leimarel]

There's no dilemma here. Block him. Tell your husband everything. Don't be manipulated by a nasty little control freak.

[Hollyhocksarenotmessy]

Why did you feel obliged to do what this, be realistic, complete stranger wants? I dont mean that as a dig at you, but something you could ponder over.

Just block him. He's bullying you. He's manipulated you into doing things you didn't want to do (meet up, daily messages, tolerating nasty comments). You don't need to give him one more second of your life and you don't need to explain anything to him. He is not a nice man.

[beachydreams]

Block him!!what are you doing??

[Aquamarine1029]

For fucks sake. What on earth are you doing? Block this horrible man immediately and never think about him again.