Is your DH enough?

[Offshoreliving]

Answer me honestly, if you couldn't have kids, would you DH be enough? For this virus, being locked away, for future holidays, retirement, is your life enough? How do you reconcile that that's it for you?

[goodwinter]

Yes. I've loved lockdown with him and we have no kids.

[lynsey91]

Yes. We chose not to have children and it has been wonderful just the two of us for 40 years. Hopefully we will have many more happy years together.

We loved lockdown and spending 24/7 together. DH has decided to cut down drastically on work so he can be home with me more. I don't work.

[ComtesseDeSpair]

For couples who are childfree by choice; and couples for whom it may not have been a choice but who have had a long time to come to terms with being childless - I suspect it’s quite easy to say that their OH is enough. DP and I chose not to have children because we are selfish and would rather be wrapped up in our own lives and each other than pandering to the needs of children.

But it’s a totally different question if you’re desperate for children or haven’t yet come to terms with infertility. It will no doubt feel like you aren’t a proper family and that something is missing.

[vixfromthestix]

It was only very recently I found out it was off the table for is, and I still have days when I am a wreck about it, but we keep talking together to get through it. We had no choice but to look at our future differently and at no point did I think he wasn't enough. I don't think assuming we have all had years to deal with this is helpful, you have no idea.

[AnotherEmma]

What on earth does that mean, is he "enough"? Define "enough"?

I have a husband and child. They are my priorities in life but they are far from being the only people (or things) that bring me love and joy. In fact, lockdown has been very difficult because I have missed seeing other people and doing other things.

I hope my husband and I will stay happily married for a long time, but he's not "enough" in the sense that all I want/need is him.

[AnotherEmma]

Sorry I think I misunderstood the question - it's about not being able to children isn't it? If I couldn't have my own child (biologically) I would hope to adopt and if that didn't work out I would have to come to terms with not having children. In a weird way my DH would be kind of irrelevant to my feelings about it. Although I'm sure we could do more as a couple without children, that may not be "enough" for people who are not able to come to terms with not having children.

It's very hard to say how you'd feel if you didn't have children when you actually have them (and vice versa I imagine).

[Lonoxo]

No. I’ve changed a lot from my 20s to 30s.

[TeetotalKoala]

I'd hate it if he looked at me as the source of his happiness, too.

This is pretty powerful. This is so true. He's not the source of my happiness, nor am I his. We are part of it, but we have lives and interests outside of each other too. In the same way out children don't define our relationship, our relationship doesn't define our lives.

[MitziK]

@Offshoreliving

Answer me honestly, if you couldn't have kids, would you DH be enough? For this virus, being locked away, for future holidays, retirement, is your life enough? How do you reconcile that that's it for you?

I can't have more kids. Mine are grown up now (I had them young with people I shouldn't have).

DP is definitely enough - I'd have loved to have had a couple with him and he'd have been over the moon, but when it comes down to it, I want to be with him and I am very glad that he thinks I'm enough, rather than fucking off with somebody younger, more likely to conceive and less likely to miscarry repeatedly.

[ifoundafoxcaughtbydogs]

Yes. I do have a child but I would have been perfectly happy with a life just the two of us.

[potter5]

OP - is your husband not enough then?

[MadCatLady71]

We don’t have kids, and I don’t feel remotely as if anything is missing from my life. That said, my sense of purpose and fulfilment comes from the things I do, not from my partner (although I like having him around very much). If he were to disappear, I like to think I would be ‘enough’ on my own.

[KatherineJaneway]

Your quota of happiness should never be solely provided by one other person.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

Yes. He makes me laugh and is an excellent kisser.

[EssentialHummus]

I misunderstood your question at first as, "If you didn't have kids would you stay with your DH?" My honest answer is no - part of the reason we stay together is the DC. But you seem to be asking about something else to do with childlessness and infertility.

[ReadyforTakeOff]

No. No one is perfect.

[user1493413286]

If we couldn’t have had kids then yes but if he’d decided he didn’t want them when I did then no as the resentment would kill our relationship.

[donnatellme]

I don't know, I haven't met someone yet who has made me feel like that. Happy on my own (late 30s), no kids... Myself is enough for me honestly. If I find someone to share my life with, they will have to be something very special.

[CatherinedeBourgh]

When we were told we couldn’t have any dc, I was fine with that. We did in the end have them (15 years into our relationship), but if we hadnkt I know we would have been fine.

Dc will probably only live with us 20 years or so, in the context of a lifetime itks not that much (we were both teenagers when we met).

[LongPauseNoReply]

Yes absolutely. He’s my favourite human and I love spending as much time with him as possible. He’s funny, breathtakingly smart and such a good cook.

We’ve loved lockdown and neither of us is looking forward to him going back to the office. We have one DD who is off to college and we’re looking forward to time alone in the house together.

[Lsquiggles]

I loved him before we had a child and I'd still love him if we hadn't, we didn't have a child because something in our relationship was missing

[Toilenstripes]

Yes, he’s enough. Took me ages to find him too!

[Strugglingtodomybest]

No, I need my friends too.

[SchmooobyDoo]

Yes. I married for love, certainly not for an easy life... Had our baby boy when I was 44, a total surprise. We were fine with being childless, but of course are delighted now!
I married at 40 & had a lot of fun single years before DH. I often envisage my retirement years as just me, don’t know why... I have my son, but he’ll be living his life.