I am 5 months pregnant with our first baby who will also be the first grandchild on both sides. I generally get on well with my IL’s, they have some different world views to me but I like visiting them or meeting up for dinner.
After we announced the pregnancy FIL started asking us to come over for dinner almost every weekend. We have had work/other commitments on so haven’t always been able to go. I was feeling really overwhelmed with the constant invitations and I had this strange feeling like they were trying to ‘claim’ us and set a precedent that we will bring baby to them this regularly after she is born. They live 40 minutes away so I was relieved when he got the message that it was too often and stopped asking as frequently.
MIL has been very excited about the prospect of setting up a nursery in our spare room from the start. MIL mentioned to OH that she was looking at some wall decorations for the nursery and sent his some photos of stick on decals, which I definitely do not want in my home. I told OH it would be much better coming from him if he told her nicely that they weren’t really what I had in mind. He seemed exasperated and then went on to say that his mother had never had the opportunity to set up a proper nursery for any of her three boys as they were renting and moving a lot. Anyway, MIL popped in today on her way home from work and told us that she had some things to bring over but was waiting on the last delivery. I mentioned that I didn’t really want anything stuck to the walls but I already had some ideas that I needed her help with, thinking this would make her feel included. She was dismissive. The ugliest, most offensive pink floral decal is on its way and she clearly thinks I will be using it. God knows what else is on its way to our small, storage deficit home.
It’s not really about the wall decal, although they are fucking hideous and tacky. I feel fiercely protective of this baby. I am happy for her to be grandma but I am the mother and I want to call the shots. I don’t know if this is just hormones or whether they are actually trying to push their way in unreasonably. OH is quite critical of his father for being a shit husband/father when they were growing up but consequently he feels really sorry for his mum which makes him reluctant to intervene.
How can I respond to IL’s and involve them in a way that is acceptable to me whilst also setting up some boundaries? Right now I feel like telling MIL that she has horrendous taste and I only want my sister to help me, but obviously I know that would be hurtful. I know this is an overreaction, how can I manage my emotions? Does this feeling pass??
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Relationships
Help me be rational and respond to my MIL
Hopefulhen · 23/06/2020 13:44
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