My partner calls me names

[GreenL6]

Hello all, hope you're all safe and well.

My partner calls me names and if annoyed will shout in my face. Calls me dick, tit, f...ing lazy bitch, c..t, Tw.t, idiot
It usually when I've annoyed him but it is daily. He's always been verbally horrible but it's starting to get me down.
Whatever I say he won't believe me, say we are having a discussion on history or science whatever, he always finds out and when I'm right says oh you're right for once.
He swears a lot and I hate it.

He repulses me physically. Luckily he's a different bedroom and I've managed to avoid sex for about 7/8 years. He mentions coming back in sometimes which makes me feel sick!

I can't leave so how can I manage to block it out.

I mentioned leaving once and he hit the roof. Threatened to take the children abroad and I would never see them. He has money, I don't and he said he'd have the best lawyer and I could never win. He's right I don't think I would so just plan to stay until children leave home.

[Sux2buthen]

I'm no expert but I believe the advice on the last post might be the worst advice ever.
Maybe I'm wrong.
But I wouldn't drug anyone or do...almost anything mentioned there.
Yes to getting passports and other paperwork safe
Yes to calling women's aid. They also have a forum for support
Please don't drug anybody, you could end up getting yourself in a lot of trouble

[category12]

Illegal was the word you were looking for, not radical - a lot of what you're suggesting is criminal, vodkacranberryplease. And if they're not married, his money is his money. Are you writing a novel?

[GreenL6]

I'm not going to be using any sleeping pills! Scary!
Exactly his money is indeed that. We are not married so that's how it is.

[Embracelife]

What money do you have?

[GreenL6]

Not working at the moment due to climate and contract having ended and unable to get another. Have some savings but not masses.
When lock down over I hope I can get another job.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Now if someone was screaming abuse right in my face and I had children and was writing the following...

"I mentioned leaving once and he hit the roof. Threatened to take the children abroad and I would never see them. He has money, I don't and he said he'd have the best lawyer and I could never win. He's right I don't think I would so just plan to stay until children leave home."

I'd be frightened. I'd take it seriously, and I'd be wanting to get myself and our children out of it as soon as possible, safely. I wouldn't want to be picking up a single change of clothing and running to live in poverty because I'm trying to find somewhere safe to live and have to keep moving, and I'm not getting child support and wasn't able to get any of the assets I contributed because he hid them all. And I most certainly would not be leaving it to chance whether they even lived in this country.

People who scream this kind of abuse tend to mean it and hundreds of children disappear abroad every year. Hundreds of women are killed by their partners and thousands are homeless or live in shelters and lose their children. The one leaving is also the one at a serious disadvantage too. But hey, as long as SHE doesn't break the law! Or take any of HIS money.

Of course once he goes back to work - assuming he's does then this can all be done while he's at work, without drugs. Which is the only bit of my advice I would change. But make no mistake if your life is in danger and your partner is going to destroy you, you do whatever you have to. If not for yourself, for your children. Besides how's he going to prove it??

[Skyla2005]

Reach out to your parents and tell them what sort of man he is. They would not want you and their grandchildren to tolerate any more of this I’m sure. Let them help you. You need to get away from him or the next step is he will start physically abusing you aswell. If you stay your children will one day ask you why you allowed these things to happen and please don’t think they don’t notice because they will and it will affect their future relationships too

[BendyLikeBeckham]

oh my goodness, this is one of the saddest threads I've read.

I've lived your life OP. And I got out. You can too.

Do the Freedom Programme online www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

It will open your eyes. When the scales start to fall away, you will realise you deserve a better life and so do your DC. Happiness is within your power.

You must also get advice from Womens Aid or your local domestic abuse helpline. Please do this.

There used to be 2 pinned threads on this board, on what you deserve in a relationship as a minimum, and what to expect if you seek help via a refuge. They have been replaced by covid ones, but perhaps someone can find and link to them for you.

[volatility]

Is there anywhere else you can go? If you’re worried about him taking the kids abroad then this is the perfect time to leave! Lockdown. He can’t fly anywhere! No country would let him in and planes aren’t flying!! He can’t get anywhere. The airports are shut down. You’ve got about a 6 month to a year window. Have you got anyone you can go and stay with? Take the kids passports with you. You don’t have to live like this. You can and should go

[Mums4life00]

@GreenL6 I know it's really not my place to say but... You shouldn't be with someone who is abbusive no matter what kind of abuse it is. You deserve so much better then someone who doesn't appriciate you. You just have to stay strong and follow your heart. I know it's hard and everything with the lockdown, but you should get out of there while you can. Especially if you have kids. If this man is really abusive you shouldn't put your kids through that too. I am sorry this is happening to you and your family. Stay strong!

[mathanxiety]

Women's Aid 0808 2000 247
www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/
Please call and leave a message so they can call you back.

Rights of Women
rightsofwomen.org.uk/
Legal help for abused women.

Log out every time you end a session on MN.

Change your password daily or even more frequently.

Clear your cookies and browsing history frequently on your computer/laptop/phone.

If you can do so without being caught, please read the book 'Why Does he do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men' by Lundy Bancroft.
archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/page/n25/mode/2up
Free here ^^ .

Do your best to read this.

Some other resources here:
lundybancroft.com/resources/

lundybancroft.com/five-central-concepts-in-getting-free-from-abuse/

[longtimecomin]

This is coercive control, get out, protect your children

[PicsInRed]

Yes, lovely, all the behaviours you have named are abusive, part of the pattern of coercive control he exerts over you. He is unreasonable, you are not unreasonable. He is an abuser.

You can survive this. You made it here and you asked the question. You've got this.