Can attraction grow

[Nikki94]

Hey
So I’ll make this brief
My male best friend of 11years has recently made his romantic feelings very clear to me. I love him as a friend and I have never thought to look at him in another way because to me we are great the way we are. However, it has got me thinking.
I usually go for people who i am highly attracted to from the offset which is the reason I am single today in my opinion.
I know this guy would do anything for me and would always have my back and he makes me laugh more than anyone else and I adore loads of his qualities. I just don’t look at him in a lustful way.
My question is has anyone ever felt this way and through time the attraction grew? His personality is amazing and I hold him in such high regard but I don’t want to give things a try if it’s going to fall apart in a few months time and ruin our friendship.
X

[Itsallpointless]

After having my heart shattered, I decided I would go for a 'slow burner'. No initial attraction, but had lots in common. I thought as I go to know him, the attraction would get stronger. We were together for 7 years too long. He pursued me relentlessly when I tried to end it, and the reason I stayed was out of sympathy.

I never found him attractive, and it was not just based on looks. I found him the most difficult and irritating person I had ever met in my life.

I'd be very wary.

[fantasmasgoria1]

Well it can. A friend worked with her OH for a year before they got together. At first she found him annoying and she didn't like or fancy him, after 6 months they became friends and after around a year they got together. She said she was surprised that she did end up with him!

[Scott72]

No, don't do it. It will be very difficult having to let him down, but you'll only be setting yourself up for disappointment and unhappiness trying to force yourself into a romantic relationship where you simply aren't sexually attracted to him.

[CloudyWithAChance2]

It’s hard enough making a marriage work when you DO have attraction never mind without.
You’ll end up in a sexless relationship.

[ChristmasFluff]

I really endorse the people who have raided how you would feel sexually.

You've known him a long time - so you know if you can get rampant with him. If not - no, don't go there.

My 'thing' is if I can't imagine a man's lips feeling welcome on any part of my body - nopey nope nope.

[sonjadog]

There is a thing I do which sounds a bit daft, but I think it works quite well. If I am wondering if there is any attraction or chance of it growing, I look at the man's hands and think could I stand being touched intimately by them. If that thought makes my skin crawl, then I'd say that no, there is no chance. If the thought doesn't repulse me, then I reckon that there is potential there. I guess it is a bit like the PP's blowjob thing.

[RLEOM]

I started seeing one of my male friends a few years ago but I wasn't that attracted to him. The sex was awkward, cuddling felt awkward, I gave it a miss after us both trying a relationship together and now we rarely speak. But that's my experience of being with a friend I don't find attractive.

[Nikki94]

Thank you for all of your replies
My mind has been going over everything today and what pushes me towards considering this is we do just get each other, he knows what I’m thinking without me ever having to say it and we have a great time together
I have mostly been in relationships with other people the whole time I’ve known him so haven’t really ever had time to consider this
I’m 25 and my previous relationships just felt like they were missing depth to them and I know I would have that this time
He’s on holiday now for a couple of weeks which is nice as we both need a bit of time I feel
Thank you again for your responses they’ve definitely helped

[BertieBotts]

It has not waned, we have been together 9 years, married for 6. I can see if I have my objective eyes on that he's not the most "beautiful" person but I don't care. He's attractive to me and that's what matters.

[BertieBotts]

I am going to go against the grain and say yes it can - but I do think it has to happen fairly quickly guessing by the other responses.

I was never attracted to DH until I realised he was attracted to me and then it came on fairly slowly (but was definitely there within a couple of weeks). It was just in the period where we said OK let's just stay friends but it's nice to know that(?) and it made me see him in a different light.

[Projectbanjo]

I wasn’t attracted to my Ex and he was a great friend we were together 5 years and it was great. You can still get turned on by sex without a massive attraction there.
We broke up due to nothing to do with the lack of attraction and still remain friends 4 years later. We never argued, things we always fun and lighthearted so I’d recommend giving it a shot.

I would say though talk to him before hand and just have a feel for if he would be okay with it not working out cause your willing to try but can’t guarantee it’s for you.

[Scott72]

No, it won't work. If he's developed feelings for you this may make the relationship awkward. He may have to tone things down with you. But you have to be completely honest that you just aren't interested in him romantically or sexually.

[Takemebacktolondon]

Just ask yourself if you want to kiss him. I have been out with guys and dreaded them trying to kiss me which says it all.

[stitchwitch84]

@31RueCambon honestly, it's hard to say! It was strange at first, and I had several sleepless nights and foodless days as I tried to work out what I felt and whether I could ever feel anything more. The first snogs we shared were SO weird!!!

I think it took 2 days to commit to the relationship, and tbh I still have no idea why I did except that I loved him (still love him!), and he had changed our relationship by confessing he was in love with me too, and it was the only way I could continue to have him in my life. Ultimately, I loved him too much to let a momentary squeamishness about physical attraction stand in the way!

I know it sounds very odd and quite old fashioned too, and I have to admit I never ever thought I would do anything so rash as say yes to a proposal from someone I wasn't sure I could fancy! But fortunately the love i feel for him overcame all that and now we are physically so much in love as well as emotionally/mentally. We started from a place of immense mutual respect and affection, which has made all the difference.

[31RueCambon]

@stitchwitch84, so what was it like - suddenly getting physical and romantic?

[31RueCambon]

Although that is different as they were strangers! But with a man who is already a friend, there was time for a physical attraction to grow, and it didn't.

[31RueCambon]

I agree. When I was OLDing I didn't waste my time going on second and third dates with men who I knew I couldn't sleep with........... You just know.

[stitchwitch84]

My best friend proposed to me unexpectedly last year. I loved him to bits but had never fancied him, and I was totally thrown and could not for the life of me work out whether I could ever change how I felt at the time.

Long story short, we've been married for a year now and are expecting DC1. I love him to bits, fancy the pants off him and am the happiest I’ve ever been.

Not saying this will happen for you, OP, but it can happen!

[OhHimAgain]

There was never a massive attraction with dh,I loved him more as a friend , he makes me laugh , he's solid and dependable but there's no fireworks and I struggle tbh

Same here. We eventually split.

The blowjob question is one I always ask myself now if I think I'm attracted to someone. It's a pretty good barometer, if I'm honest.

[Ohmygod123]

Maybe you've never really thought about it until now? Now he's made his feelings known, maybe it's something you might consider. But if there is no attraction there then I think you'd be better off friends unless his personality is enough?

[WhyBirdStop]

Is there nothing there at all? DH and I were best friends from the age of 11, even before sexual attraction (too young) there was a kind of chemistry, we just get each other and light up in each others company. After a brief dalliance (snog only) at 16 which we both embarrassedly put down to a bit too much to drink, we didn't get together until we were 25. But the first time as adults we properly kissed my heart was racing. Yes the butterflies fade amongst the chores and the nappies and it's great to be with your best friend every day, but you need an initial spark of some kind. Tellingly both of us had ex partners who didn't like our friendship because they felt the spark, even though genuinely nothing was going on.

[CloudyWithAChance2]

Really bad idea to pursue this if there’s no attraction.

I’m my experience, this sort of thing happens a lot in general - women get to a certain age or they’ve been hurt by a guy who they loved, then they settle for a nice guy who they don’t have real physical chemistry with.
It always ends in tears if you don’t have that real attraction as you’re never truly happy or fulfilled by your partner.

The moment you meet a guy who gives you butterflies etc. your head will be turned and you will hurt your friend as he won’t be able to compete.

[5andunder]

I think its worth a shot trying to have a relationship. Your 'friendship' has already changed with him revealing his true feelings for you. I dont think it will get back to how it was before his reveal

[bigchris]

Could you bring yourself to have sex with him, and only him, for the rest of your life?

Could you give him a blowjob?

These questions are the most important

[bigchris]

In my experience no

There was never a massive attraction with dh,I loved him more as a friend , he makes me laugh , he's solid and dependable but there's no fireworks and I struggle tbh