Married nearly 10 years, together 17. For the last while every time he comes near me I flinch and when he touches me I literally get shivers, and not in a good way. He'll try to kiss me occasionally and I give him my cheek. I can't even stand to peck him on the lips. Earlier he ran his hand round my waist and I froze, I could feel his touch there for ages afterwards, felt like it started aching where he touched me which sounds crazy but it's horrible. I just can't stand it. Any ideas, anyone else gone through this and come out the other side? Have 2 children and generally a happy life apart from anything remotely intimate. Help!
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user1479305498 · 17/02/2019 11:10
Porn not poem!!
Anniepannie1972 · 02/03/2024 14:12
How did this turn out? In same position.
TortoiseLettuce · 17/02/2019 14:16
It is really unfair to force someone else to live in an affection; intimacy and sex free marriage because you don't want to give up the financial benefits of the marriage
It’s not because I don’t want to give up the financial benefits of the marriage. I’m concerned about my DC, not myself. I won’t make DC give up a nice home in a decent area, a mother who only needs to work part time, access to a car, money for extra curricular activities and easy access to both parents. Just so I can shag around with someone I fancy more than their Dad. Maybe I’ll leave in 18 years time.
deadsexy · 17/02/2019 21:00
It's difficult he can't fix what bothers me about our relationship, because it's him. We are a unit, we work but guess over the years I've just become very independent and he's become more dependent.
He adores me, the kids adore him, I love him, I love our family. I couldn't break that for my selfishness.
I just love my own company, time with my children and not having to justify my opinions to him or try reason with his.
Scott72 · 17/02/2019 09:20
Yes sleepyawake other women have been in your situation. There's a 2005 book called "Women’s Infidelity: Living In Limbo" by Michelle Langley. You haven't cheated on your husband, but parts of it would still be relevant. In a review of it I found this quote which seems to mirror what you are experiencing:
The author is clear that her interviewees were not being abused or mistreated in any way. Nevertheless, in some cases “the women claimed that when their husbands touched them, they felt violated; they said their bodies would freeze up and they would feel tightness in their chest and/or a sick feeling in their stomach.”
Nobody really knows whats going on here, but it seems to be a real neurological process. It seems that humans may not be meant to mate for life.
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