Did separating from your partner change your friendships?

[Yellowaardvark]

Just that, really. What were your experiences?

I suppose I am just wondering what other people have found. I'm fairly sure my old girlfriends will be fine, but do wonder about "couple" friends and platonic male friends.

[Yellowaardvark]

Chesty and Jou - interesting what you say about male friends. Were you close? I'm less concerned about being hit on as their partners not wanting us to hang out anymore, or that they'll think I fancy them. I suppose time will tell.

Such varied experiences from you all

[wheresthel1ght]

Unfortunately yes it effected lots of them.i actually lost one of my best friends over it which still upsets me.

I don't think it matters how amicable a break up is, there will always be elements that come across as for & against each member of the couple.

In my case it was not in any way amicable. My exh was emotionally and financially abusive and at times physically, especially once I tried to leave him. He is your stereotypical nice guy on the surface. He comes across as quiet, unassuming and gentle. But there is a horrific dark side to him. No one saw it - behind closed doors and all that.

When I finally left I kept quiet about the reasons. I felt it was between us. He felt differently and told anyone and everyone that I was cheating on him among other bullshit. People I have known my whole life chose to believe him. It is devastating but they clearly weren't that good friends if they could believe I could do any of the things he accused me of.

[schrodcat]

Okay, these are my experiences and I may not leave / it may take me a while to get the courage back up. A friend who has a perfectly nice but totally unhelpful DH plus 2 boys under 3 was horrified: it was perfectly clear when I told her how I was feeling that she felt it was my duty to try counselling first, and indeed any measures I could take, to keep our marriage together (ostensibly for my benefit). Another friend would rather not see DH now she knows how I feel about him, and that can be difficult as (because I "can't" leave for the time being I feel like I am making her socially uncomfortable, but I really need a break from just the two of us and if that means him tagging along too, so be it). Another friend who was very unhappy with her husband a few years ago and wanted to leave him but went to counselling was also insisted I try counselling first. A couple we are close to counselled staying together on the basis of my faith (I am Christian; but, it turns out, not as Christian as I thought). And this is before we split.

[BobbinThreadbare123]

Yeah, I lost all my old uni mates because they were all male and so spectacularly uncomfortable that several of them simply didn't even say a thing. I'm not overly bothered any more; some other mates stepped up a lot and friendships became closer. Some people act as though divorce is catching.

[jouu]

Yellowaardvark one friend was close and I am still friends with him, just had to take a step back and basically pretend it didn't happen. He has a new partner now and doesn't look at me like that anymore thankfully. He was desperate, tbf. I think that's all it was.

The other was more an acquaintance than a friend. Cornered me at his child's birthday party, leering at me, badmouthing his pregnant wife, inviting me to go off and smoke a spliff with him (!) ... all while said pregnant wife and her family glared daggers at me from across the room, and my DC played on the mat in front of us. I avoid that family as much as possible now. I think some people definitely see a newly single mum as a slag/easy pickings/dying to run off with the next man. It's pretty awful really.

[childmaintenanceserviceinquiry]

Bobbin - I have that with male friends. Most are gay but they dont seem able to cope with the emotion. I have realised that my friendship with them, despite being long, is very superficial. Quite sad. And the divorce being catching is funny, and so true!

[QuiteChic]

Child sadly, I think you're probably right. In hindsight we didn't have a clue how to handle their break-up.

[ShatnersWig]

One of my closest friends who didn't know my ex before we met and who I had supported hugely when her husband died invited my ex to spend Xmas with her and her kids the year we split up. I was on my own in my flat, she spent a lovely Xmas with them. That hurt hugely.

[Yellowaardvark]

Shatners that's terrible!