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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How many proper friends do you have?

69 replies

TWOBANANAS · 10/04/2017 17:08

Not Facebook friends, not Instagram followers but real friends who you see, trust, confide in and who would be there for you if in trouble.

OP posts:
MooPointCowsOpinion · 10/04/2017 19:55

5 women in two different friendship groups, I would tell any of them anything, also my mum and my husband and my brother.

I find friendship hard. I don't like to make new friends as I feel like I'm probably doing it all wrong, so I stick with the really good ones I've had since I was a teenager.

I'm on the way to making a new friend or two at work, but I'm not counting any chickens. I tend to be a bit of a doormat so people will like me more and then lose my rag after one too many piss takes, and burn all my bridges!

tropical1 · 10/04/2017 19:56

My best friend from college, probably only see each other 1 or 2 times a year due to distance, we don't speak very often either but I know her inside out and vice versa.
Then I would say I have 4 friends locally that I met through work about 25 or 30 years ago. They have always been there in difficult times, not to actually do anything other than be there if I wanted them.
None of them are friends with each other but mostly know them as we are all in the same profession.
I have 2 mum friends that myself and DH socialise with, with or without kids.
I feel lucky to have such good friends but I do make an effort to see them regularly, remember birthdays, etc.

JaneEyre70 · 10/04/2017 19:58

My DH and my DDs....after a really really bad experience with a former best friend, I'm incredibly wary of making female friends and tend to be very aloof so I can't get hurt. I used to say my sister but we're NC now as she's lost the plot; and my mum is firmly on her side and I'm the evil in it all. It's shit and it's lonely, but at least it's not toxic.

ByeByeBadman · 10/04/2017 20:00

Dh, my bestie, another very good old friend, a group from uni, four very good local friends then several mums ive met through the dc and a couple from work.

So quite a lot. Im lucky. Im shit at family though Blush

Bananamama1213 · 10/04/2017 20:05

5 (including DH)
3 are cousins (we are all within the same year). 1 is my best friend and 1 is husband.

They are the people I can tell anything to and I know they would be honest and help me.

I have another friend who was really close but I barely hear from her anymore, that makes me sad because I loved her - but she had changed recently.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 10/04/2017 20:06

My OH is my best friend. Then there's a group of five girlfriends from my home town who I grew up (there's three I'm very close to from that group) who I see regularly, a fellow mum who lives a few doors away - our kids went through school together so our two families are very close (we think of each other as family), and a girl I shared a flat with in my twenties who I'm particularly close to - we were bridesmaids at each other's weddings known each other 25 yrs. So about 6 very close friends.
But quite a few others I'll go out with have drinks or lunch with but wouldn't consider quite as close.

OdinsLoveChild · 10/04/2017 20:09

Just DH. That is it. I dont like the responsibility of friends. Grin

Ragwort · 10/04/2017 20:21

Quite a lot - still have friends from nursery school (nearly 55 years ago Grin), primary school, secondary school & university. Other good friends that I have met through work, Church, hobbies and just being neighbours.

I wouldn't call my DH a 'best friend' Grin.

I don't have any Facebook/instagram etc friends as I am just not interested in social media.

Actually I agree with back's comments - what is the MN definition of a 'good friend'? Confused.

Mrswinkler · 10/04/2017 20:32

Proper friends:
You can tell them when you are feeling shit and know they'll care.
They wouldn't do anything to upset you knowingly.
You can ask them to put themselves out for you when you need them to.
They'll tell you the truth when you need to hear it.
You can trust them.
You love them.

You might not see them that often but that never really matters when you do.

I've got quite a few. I bloody love my friends. Like the earlier poster got some friends dating back to nursery... and my previous two long term exes I consider proper friends.

I don't have a best friend though.

Sparkletastic · 10/04/2017 20:33

Loads. Slightly more than I'd like tbh.

TheoriginalLEM · 10/04/2017 20:36

just my Dp

JellyWitch · 10/04/2017 20:40

Half a dozen probably. Although a couple are in other countries so only good for emotional support! Only one really local.

andshewillbeloved · 10/04/2017 20:42

2 who I could trust with anything and would be there for me.

SoTheySentMeA · 10/04/2017 20:44
  1. Which is 2 up from a coupke of years ago when it was 0 (bar DP and sisters). I've never been good at opening up to people outside of my family.
TheConstantCakeEater · 10/04/2017 20:46

three (and DH)

Kikikaakaa · 10/04/2017 20:46

My sister but we aren't really 'friends' anymore like in the olden days when we hung out a lot and shared everything, now it's just purely child related as she has tiny kids. I hope we get that back one day and miss it all the time

My oldest school friend

My neighbour who is my best friend

A woman I met through our children

A guy I have known for years although he is a bit of a plank, he's a good mate

My BF

Then I have work friends who I have known a long time. But not really close ones

billythelurcher · 10/04/2017 20:49

DP and my brother that's it

Thunderwing · 10/04/2017 21:06

Nobody.

My DH is great and of course we are friends, but there are some times I wish I had a non judgemental shoulder to lean on.

ifcatscouldtalk · 10/04/2017 21:17

4 people that i can open up to and feel they add something really valuable to my life and i wouldn't be without them. Out of a class of 30 children that my daughter was in at primary I stayed good friends with two of the mum's. I have people i am friendly with but not overly close to.

barnetbarnet · 10/04/2017 21:21

None. Absolutely no one.

If I die on my commute no one would know or care until I was late for work.

wineusuallyhelps · 10/04/2017 21:23

I've found this thread useful as my DH doesn't really have friends outside of work, as because of his job he hasn't had time or energy to keep up with people. He does have proper friends at work who he confides in, but I thought he was completely odd until I see on here that other people have few or no friends too Grin

Why did you ask the question OP? It's an interesting subject.

I think I've become more savvy over the years about who are my real friends (as in, I can count on them) rather than those that are fun but when the chips are down, they wouldn't be there.

OhDearToby · 10/04/2017 21:24

I don't have any really. I'm very close to two of my sisters so I get all my friend needs met by them. It's probably made me quite lazy when it comes to making friends because I know they'll always be there.

I do have some friends through my dc's that I know would help me out if needed and I would help them too but we seem stuck in a rut of only really talking about superficial things. It's hard to make the leap to real friends I find.

EmmaC78 · 10/04/2017 21:24

I have one very close friend, about 5 good friends and then loads of ex-colleagues and other people I meet up with every few months for dinner or drinks.

gentlydoesit89 · 10/04/2017 21:56

DP and my mum.
I talk openly about things to the girls at work, but don't see them out of work, and DPs friends are lovely, but I won't get close to them in case anything ever happened with DP and I.
It's a quiet life, luckily I like my own company.

Winniethepooer · 10/04/2017 21:59

No proper friends. I used to have 6/8.

But over the years they've all moved away. No dp either. Very lonely...