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Relationships

Can i keep my title and surname after marriage

61 replies

butterfly92 · 29/12/2016 00:52

After marriage can I still keep my title as miss and also keep my maiden surname? I dont want to change either of them i still want to be referred to as miss (my last name).

OP posts:
PattyPenguin · 29/12/2016 11:47

I kept my surname. I mean, it's my father's surname, so hardly sticking it to the patriarchy. But as I'd had it all my life it was part of my identity.

I did get a future in-law asking "What's wrong with [surname of fiance]?" I said "Nothing, which is why I'm not proposing that he change it".

Kr1stina · 29/12/2016 17:09

That's funny patty, my husband kept his fathers surname after we got married too. Though for some reason he considers it to be his name rather than his fathers .

Dunno why .

May50 · 29/12/2016 19:28

Of course you can keep your name. Your husband can change his name to yours too if you want to have the same name.

AyeAmarok · 29/12/2016 19:32

Of course you can. It's your name.

But there are plenty of people who think that it's illegal to not change your name and title to "Mrs DHsurname".



Hmm

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 29/12/2016 19:34

OP, you will get some people who assume that you legally have to change your name, but changing name is just an option, not a requirement. If you don't want to change, then don't.

BertrandRussell · 29/12/2016 19:39

"That's funny patty, my husband kept his fathers surname after we got married too"

Did he? I bet that raised a few eyebrows! How did your dad feel about it?

MuppetsChristmasCarol · 29/12/2016 19:44

Yes, I'm Ms Muppets. I love my own name and wouldn't ever change it.

Kr1stina · 29/12/2016 22:58

Bertrand - both my parents were very hurt that DH didn't want to change his name to mine. It's been in our family for generations.

And his is one of these weird names that are hard to say and spell. Or maybe it's too common , I can't remember which. Either way, I thought he would be desperate to change it.

I did try to explain that it wasn't really his name, just his fathers , but he wouldnt listen . I told him that changing his name on marriage was just a harmless custom and showed that we were all a family but he'd have none of it. Sad

I was worried about what would happen if he wanted to take the children abroad alone. What if he takes them to the doctor or dentist and they don't know who he is? Or at parents evening at school ? What if people think he's divorced or even a single father ? < clutches pearls >

Worst of all, what if people call him Master Smith , instead or Mr Smith, because he's unmarried ? Sad . Well actually he's Professor Smith but that would confuse people as professors are usually women.

Sigh.

HardcoreLadyType · 29/12/2016 23:03

Oh Kristina, your DH is one of them strident meninists, isn't he?

HeadDreamer · 29/12/2016 23:13

I go by all of Miss, Ms and Dr birth surname. You don't have to change anything. When I was younger I used to use Ms. Now I use Miss and Dr because I'm fed up with people giving me Mrs just because I'm over 40! By that I mean the garage, the optician, all the people who don't know I have kids or is married. They just gave me Mrs because I'm now middle age. I usually correct them to Dr. But some forms don't have that so I use Miss.

HeadDreamer · 29/12/2016 23:17

It's my surname by the way. Not my fathers. It is the one I went to school with, got my PhD, and have a career in. If I have my mums surname, I will use it just as proudly.

Reality16 · 29/12/2016 23:20

Yes. My ex wife is. She doesn't like her maiden name. Plus I guess she wants to keep the safe name as the k. As for keeping the title. Personally why not? Call your self what ever you like. But why? Are you still of the school of thought that you'll get more respect as a Mrs instead of a Miss or Ms?. You have completely misread the OP. It is talking about keeping a maiden name after getting married, not keeping a married name and title after a divorce/separation.

Yes OP you can call yourself whatever you like.

Kr1stina · 29/12/2016 23:45

Harcore, yes I'm afraid he is. I don't know why , I help him out around the house and sometimes I even take the kids out on a Saturday to let him catch up with the housework . Im very supportive of him having a little job just as long as standards don't drop.

He's been very grumpy over Christmas even gave up some of my free time to help him wrap gifts . Do you think I should get him a spa day ? I'm sure my MIL would come over and watch the kids one Saturday for him.

DownAmongtheElves · 30/12/2016 08:00

Grin Grin Bertrand and Kr1stina

GnomeDePlume · 30/12/2016 08:55

As others have said, you can change or not.

I finally changed my name after having been married for nearly 20 years. When I finally got round to it I found that it mattered far less than I imagined.

anonyAnonymouse · 30/12/2016 09:25

Ah, for a woman to change or not to change when she gets married is easy. The name change is part of the marriage IF it is wanted.
If the man wants to change name there is no provision to change name as part of the marriage, it has to be done just before or just after.

If things don't work out and the woman did change her name and title, some companies (one bank I know of) will only change the name and title if given proof of divorce.

Just because you can legally change a name by use to make it official, so many companies do not recognise it and make up their own rules that you have to adhere to.Hmm
I wanted to move from Mrs to Ms but the bank wouldn't do it until I sent a copy of the divorce certificate. Angry

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 30/12/2016 09:35

When I was a tiny girl, I remember saying to my mother that when I got married I thought I would choose Seymour as my new surname. It then emerged that I'd got completely the wrong end of the stick about name changes on marriage. I thought the happy couple would choose a new surname for themselves. I still think that would be a good system.

Kr1stina · 30/12/2016 09:40

Ah, for a woman to change or not to change when she gets married is easy. The name change is part of the marriage IF it is wanted.If the man wants to change name there is no provision to change name as part of the marriage, it has to be done just before or just after

What country is this is please ?

aretheyhavingalaff · 30/12/2016 09:40

akakk - I should be in trouble then. Any company giving me the stupid option of picking a title which includes Dame, Lady, Princess etc will have me being one of these (airline companies are the worst). I recently had a problem with a Habitat order and they continually called me Reverend.

It's ridiculous!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 30/12/2016 10:02

I wanted to move from Mrs to Ms but the bank wouldn't do it until I sent a copy of the divorce certificate

Are you in the U.K.? That seems a little odd of them - Ms doesn't necessarily mean divorced! I use Ms and I have never been married, and nobody has questioned it.

anonyAnonymouse · 30/12/2016 10:18

Kr1stina and Livia Its England (not sure of Scotland).
Yep in banking terms my bank is quite new so I thought they would run like a bank in this century, but it seems not.

anonyAnonymouse · 30/12/2016 10:20

Livia I think it was more that I was removing the Mrs not that I was moving to either Ms or Miss

Hobbitch · 30/12/2016 10:33

I kept my maiden name and we double-barrelled our son's surname. People assume my husband shares my name Grin. My only gripe is my BIL refers to both me and my son under my husband's surname.

Kr1stina · 30/12/2016 11:04

Kr1stina and Livia Its England (not sure of Scotland)

This is news to me! Could you please link to the relevant legislation, so I can show it to my husband ?

How does it work for civil partnerships ?

MistresssIggi · 30/12/2016 11:12

The banking one is solved by closing your account and taking out a new one somewhere else.
Christmas always reminds me how many of my relatives believe I have changed my name despite no evidence anywhere of this (and more on my side than his, strangely!)

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