He's gone and I feel so lost

[WorriedWife2016]

I posted on 2april that I thought my hbiie of 20 yrs wanted out
Screen shot attached
On 6th April he admitted he had been having an affair for almost a year
I knew the other woman
He left
We heard zero for 6 weeks, divorce is going through after a bit of hassle
I have remained dignified,nursed my parent through the most horrific cancer
He is still alive now
Kept my job going
Struggled to support the two kids who will not see their dad
I am a constant taxi etc
Kept on top of a stressful job
People see me as very happy successful etc etc
But I am so broken I don't know what to do
I feel like he has died
I seem to have the weight of the world on my shoulders, been for mammogram this week waiting on results,no one knows
I am falling out with my teen girl as she wants a taxi service constantly etc
I am knackered beyond belief, I went to docs who I have known all my life, he says I'm fine
I feel just an emotional wreck I have friends but people don't want to be burdened everyone has their own stuff going on.
I don't feel like I can let my guard down and so many people are relying on me
Youngest has mild SEN and in last year at school he is mega stressed and not coping.
I don't even know why I am writing this I just need to get it out of my head.
My hubbie has zero contact so there is just me, I don't have family who can help I just feel like I am drowning and it's so rubbish.i didn't want the marriage to end, he has said he wants her, she is still with her husband

How on earth am I in this mess seven months on,I feel absolutely lost😢😢😢

[Dowser]

Thank you Worried wife. I never know when to hold back or to risk and post so I do appreciate it when someone finds what I post is useful.

I wish I'd known me forty years ago when I had that breakdown/ breakthrough I'd have got better much quicker and stayed heal for longer.
I never forget a saying some kind soul imparted to me...when the pupil is ready a teacher appears.
I've had some brilliant ' teachers' in my life. Tutors who taught me counselling, people who've helped me with health issues. One lovely friend that I didn't know all that well got me to an alternative health practitioner (also a gp) when I could barely eat a thing beca my digestion was so inflamed. I was so ill at one point a sip of water was like drinking battery acid. That was 20 years ago and gradually I began to get my life back.

Are you giving yourself good nutrition. It's so important to feed yourself good quality food. It's the last thing we feel like doing when our minds are in turmoil. All we want is wine, chocolate, crisps, cake and there's no problem with an occasional treat as long as the base layer of good quality food that will replenish your drained reserves is in place.
You also need to keep an eye on your adrenals. They get drained very quickly when stressed.
We don't get enough vit d in this country. I take a good quality vit d3
And k2 spray after my last sunshine holiday ( our health breaks as well call them)
I also take an adrenal supplement from nutri. A very good company and one drop of nascent iodine a day.

That is why I took up dowsing. It takes the guess work out of what does my body need today..
I dowse and find out.

It's baby steps. One day at a time. The more you know, the more you find out there's more to know but it's a walk not a sprint even.

Well done on your long soak in the bath and meditation music. Good that you are looking after yourself.

It's like having to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help anyone else.
Always be sure to give to yourself first. Fill up your energy banks. Feed your mind and body with nutritious foods.
Put your auric armour on each day. Especially when going into stressful situations, driving, hospitals, schools, work, meetings with people you'd rather not meet with..sometimes when I can't sleep I do it in the night.

I find it relaxes me. I can fall asleep before finishing it sometimes lol

[DiegeticMuch]

I'm thinking that you should see a different GP in your practice. A fresh perspective. Your regular one has known you a long time and may not be entirely impartial (I don't mean to be rude about him, I'm just saying that a scratch approach might be useful).

Medical issues aside.....If you want someone impartial to chat to, the Samaritans are good (and this thread too!).

[WorriedWife2016]

Thank you so much, my gp knows me like the back of his hand he has looked after all my family for about 35 yrs he's a lovely man, we get on well.
If I go back he will help he knows my ways.
I couldn't ring SAMs as DH family is one I could end up with her 😳
Going to chat to some friends and keep docs app.
I have had a relaxed day today been to see dad but haven't done much else,shopped cooked dog walked just norm stuff and the world kept turning.
Yes I eat well I like the kids to have a proper cooked from scratch meal at least once a day as they are in and out everywhere I cook in bulk and freeze so we always have proper meals to hand.nice meal in the oven now for me and ds.
I think I just needed to stop and take stock,it has all just got out of control and I literally cannot do more,my batteries are completely flat.
I am going to take time where I can and try to prioritise better and learn to say no.it won't happen overnight but I will get there, I am a coper things just have got too much ATM x

[Dowser]

So many of us have been there WW.
Taking some time for yourself is the key...like giving yourself a big hug.
Do what makes you happy.
Do you know what dh did on Sunday...virtually nothing
I woke very late. We were at our caravan. Could hear all the ' see you next years' and have a good Christmases as it was the last day.

Eventually everyone left . The peace was just beautiful. We were the last ones on our field. Dh had made a mince stew and rice so that was lunch sorted. About 3pm We finally got ready . We packed the caravan away and came home and went to cinema.
Pure indulgence.

Felt like batteries had been recharged.

[WorriedWife2016]

Arghhh he is such an arse he is driving me mad, won't sign house over, he hasn't a leg to stand on he knows that I have both dad and dd in hostpital for operations in same week ds just come home from training with black eye
He has not text kids and says its cos his phone is broke
Bollocks it's cos it's half term and he's with her,he could have e mailed or whatever but he never bothered
The kids are sick of it they are done and I am done encouraging them 😩😩😩😩 bloody life

[junebirthdaygirl]

Get a counsellor. It will be your time. You have full permission to talk and you need that. It will be a window in the week where you stop and collect yourself. You can't continue like this.