So when a man tells you he's not after anything serious

[QueenoftheAndals]

... but just wants to "see what happens", it basically means he wants no-strings sex, right?

[QueenoftheAndals]

Haha, love it oldlaundbooth! Although I'm not exactly sure that putty is what I want him to be in my hands! God, I'm nearly 40 and I sat in a park and snogged his face off the other day. Felt like a fucking teenager!!!

[QueenoftheAndals]

God, I'm fucking randy today but don't want to appear too eager by asking him to come over and sort me out! By the weird logic of men, that may make him think I'm after something more serious, even though all I want is to get laid!!!

[ComedyWing]

Ask him why on earth he thinks you are in any way interested in him for more than a casual shag, and then go and enjoy yourself thoroughly.

Smile and say, 'Let's face it, sweetcheeks, you're hardly a keeper, are you?'

Or actually tell him you think of him as a sexual palate-cleanser between more meaningful courses.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

Ask him to come over for a couple of hours, but say he has to be gone by x time as you have plans.

[QueenoftheAndals]

Sent him a saucy selfie but he isn't biting yet...

[Lilacpink40]

Have fun if you want to. I'm desperate myself but would need a man to at least seem keen as I'd want it to mean something to me, i.e. I'd rather be hopeful.

If you show him no-strings sex is ok you can never go back from that impression.

[QueenoftheAndals]

Oh I think he is keen, we've known each other a few months as we used to work together.

[QueenoftheAndals]

Hmm still no response to my message of earlier so am not going to message again. He always comes back eventually!

[ComedyWing]

Look, he's not even keen for sex, by the looks of things. Are you really going to go to bed with someone who clearly thinks it's OK to keep you hanging on until he can be bothered to make the minimum no-strings effort to arrange a booty call???

Bin him!

[QueenoftheAndals]

Yeah I think you're right. He certainly was very keen when I saw him the other day but blows hot and cold. I really can't be arsed with faffers.

[Bogeyface]

He just wants sex, but only on his terms, which is why he isnt replying. FWB works both ways but sounds like what he wants is sex when it suits him and to hell with you.

Chuck this one back and if he does get in touch tell him that you too want something with no commitment but that he isnt doing it for you so you dont want to see him again. Men like that NEVER get dumped so that will be fun :o

[QueenoftheAndals]

It's so annoying! He isn't even some random I met on Tindr or something- he's someone I've known for a while who I've been getting to know over the course of a few months.

[Costacoffeeplease]

And he's a waste of time

Next!

[QueenoftheAndals]

I'm starting to think bedding him might be like shagging Jon Hamm's character in Bridesmaids

[QueenoftheAndals]

Still no word so yeah, def binning

He did say when we met that the one year anniversary of his mums death was coming up this so if I don't hear from him for a bit that'd be why. He also said for me to drop him a text to check if he was ok but I think that's a slightly odd thing to say, right?

Anyway thanks for helping me see sense MN jury!

[QueenoftheAndals]

I think the anniversary is not til week after next and I sent him the selfie a couple days after our date last Mon. I wouldn't have sent it exactly around the time of the anniversary! He has had a tough time the last few months, had to take time off work to deal with the bereavement, so I'm not sure he's in the best place right now. I would like to be supportive but I have a feeling I'd only end up getting burned.

[raisedbyguineapigs]

Hmm he sounds like he wants you to chase after him and for him to feel like the big stud who's just not into commitment but has women falling over themselves.

[TheNaze73]

I don't think many people are looking for anything with all the whistles & bells early on are they? I'd run a mile if anyone told me that

[HandyWoman]

Hmmmm he said to drop him a text to see he's ok? Massive blurring of the boundaries here. He expects you to be thinking about his feelings and his bereavement. No, just no.

And you are wondering about the timing of texts and how it relates to the anniversary of his mum's death.

Do not confuse randiness with emotional involvement.

This guy is not your palate cleanser. He will mess with your head.

[QueenoftheAndals]

I think you're right Handy re the bit about texting if I don't hear from him/ to see if he's ok. He is someone I've known a while and this is something that's been building up for a few months so maybe that's why he said it. If I'm honest, I do like him, but as you say this has major headfuck potential.

[LesisMiserable]

Yes not interested in you even enough to sexy you back. This is a complete non starter which to be fair to the guy he's spelled out in neon letters. The best you can hope for is a lazy emptying of his ballbag if and when the opportunity presents himself (which would be you going down the route of believing he was some deep tortured soul in need of naught more than a sexual intervention from you to solve all his introspective mysterious woes - this is how these stories usually pan out on MN). he's been a/ honest and b / entirely rational given his interest level - kudos to him for not leading you on I say.

[QueenoftheAndals]

If it was a complete non-starter then I'm not sure why he kept messaging me and asking me out. We met up last week (at his request) and spent an afternoon in a park snogging like teenagers. He talked about meeting up again, but perhaps he was hoping to be invited back to mine. Oh well, I will never cease to be amazed at how quickly men change their minds!