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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

So when a man tells you he's not after anything serious

68 replies

QueenoftheAndals · 09/08/2016 16:28

... but just wants to "see what happens", it basically means he wants no-strings sex, right?

OP posts:

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Mummydummy · 16/08/2016 20:21

I agree with all the advice here. Take him at his word, and enjoy if thats what you want. But do be careful to not let him get under your skin, don't fool yourself that if you start caring he might too.

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 15/08/2016 13:32

A week on and we're still discussing this....???

QueenoftheAndals · 15/08/2016 13:01

The fact you're bothered that he commented on your picture suggests you are over invested already

He didn't comment on my picture, he sent me a message apologising for not being in touch. I still haven't replied, mainly because I've been busy at work rather than from game playing.

OP posts:

HandyWoman · 15/08/2016 12:16

He's getting stick because the words and the actions don't match up.

heron98 · 15/08/2016 11:37

I disagree it makes him a knob.

Noting wrong with wanting to have fun without the commitment. As long as he's honest about his intentions (which he has been) then you know where you stand.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 15/08/2016 11:34

Not sure why the bloke in question is getting stick on here. He has been upfront and honest about his thoughts on a relationship.

TheNaze73 · 15/08/2016 10:48

I agree with handy

The fact you're bothered that he commented on your picture suggests you are over invested already

HandyWoman · 15/08/2016 10:29

Well, from what you say you are both in an emotional dance, timing your replies, apologising for not being in touch.

This man is a self absorbed headworker!! And I think you're sucked in now. I reckon if this truly was a no strings situation you'd have shagged ages ago. But no, there's the push me/pull you thing happening now.

You've been warned!!

QueenoftheAndals · 15/08/2016 08:31

So last night I went to an engagement party so put a photo of a glammed up me on social media. Surprise surprise, within a couple of hours I get a message from him apologising for not being in touch. He can wait a bit for the reply though...

OP posts:

QueenoftheAndals · 14/08/2016 21:17

OP will you really be satisfied with just a quick shag whenever he feels like it? Sounds like a massive waste of time to me.

Yeah. FWB won't have many Bs for me if I end up waiting for him. Fuck that.

OP posts:

WindInThePussyWillows · 14/08/2016 19:15

Hmm I shagged someone from work as a palate cleanser, so to speak, after a big break up.

We are now married and have 4 month old twins

maggiethemagpie · 14/08/2016 19:08

I never could do the FWB thing... if I like them enough to shag them I usually like them enough to want a relationship. (Then again, desperation was my middle name until I met DH )

I love the palate cleanser analogy though!

OP will you really be satisfied with just a quick shag whenever he feels like it? Sounds like a massive waste of time to me.

Roundandroundandround · 14/08/2016 18:10

It's fine if you can put up with this arrangement but the fact you're asking on here suggests you're not.

Not that there's anything wrong in that... But maybe it isn't for you.

Easystreet52 · 14/08/2016 16:48

The fact you are even bothered about a no reply and discussing it on here sort of tells me this type of arrangement isn't for you.

LesisMiserable · 14/08/2016 16:21

Tinder all the way it worked for me!!

raisedbyguineapigs · 14/08/2016 16:11

He sounds more and more like an attention seeker to me 😁 . I'd leave him to it and look for my kicks elsewhere! (Tinder?)

QueenoftheAndals · 14/08/2016 15:18

Did you prompt that response by the way by asking about state of play?

Absolutely not! He said, unprompted, that he wasn't after anything serious and is happy to "just see what happens." I wouldn't normally have the 'where's this going' convo so early on.

I've not been sending him daily messages either, I usually wait to hear from him - sometimes he goes a week without messaging but does get in touch eventually. Usually when he's seen that I've not been active on social media!

OP posts:

LesisMiserable · 14/08/2016 14:43

I'm not saying there's anything at all wrong with him not wanting anything serious and seeing what happens. I think that's completely rational early doors. Did you prompt that response by the way by asking about state of play? If so I daresay you scared him off a bit and I get that after a few months of seeing someone. That aside and more pressing is that he isn't even responding to you flirting in texts. I'd say either he genuinely isn't arsed either way or you're bombarding him with daily texts looking for his attention. If its the latter. Stop goes without saying.

QueenoftheAndals · 14/08/2016 14:33

If it was a complete non-starter then I'm not sure why he kept messaging me and asking me out. We met up last week (at his request) and spent an afternoon in a park snogging like teenagers. He talked about meeting up again, but perhaps he was hoping to be invited back to mine. Oh well, I will never cease to be amazed at how quickly men change their minds!

OP posts:

LesisMiserable · 14/08/2016 14:14

Yes not interested in you even enough to sexy you back. This is a complete non starter which to be fair to the guy he's spelled out in neon letters. The best you can hope for is a lazy emptying of his ballbag if and when the opportunity presents himself (which would be you going down the route of believing he was some deep tortured soul in need of naught more than a sexual intervention from you to solve all his introspective mysterious woes - this is how these stories usually pan out on MN). he's been a/ honest and b / entirely rational given his interest level - kudos to him for not leading you on I say.

QueenoftheAndals · 14/08/2016 11:09

I think you're right Handy re the bit about texting if I don't hear from him/ to see if he's ok. He is someone I've known a while and this is something that's been building up for a few months so maybe that's why he said it. If I'm honest, I do like him, but as you say this has major headfuck potential.

OP posts:

HandyWoman · 14/08/2016 11:04

Hmmmm he said to drop him a text to see he's ok? Massive blurring of the boundaries here. He expects you to be thinking about his feelings and his bereavement. No, just no.

And you are wondering about the timing of texts and how it relates to the anniversary of his mum's death.

Do not confuse randiness with emotional involvement.

This guy is not your palate cleanser. He will mess with your head.

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TheNaze73 · 14/08/2016 11:02

I don't think many people are looking for anything with all the whistles & bells early on are they? I'd run a mile if anyone told me that

Pearlman · 14/08/2016 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

raisedbyguineapigs · 14/08/2016 10:50

Hmm he sounds like he wants you to chase after him and for him to feel like the big stud who's just not into commitment but has women falling over themselves.

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