I'm not enough.. it's happening again..

[orangesoda]

Really don't know where to start so it's all going to spill out. Dh has got friendly with a woman. He acts completely different when in front of her with dc's etc. Doing her favours, arranging trips for all of us together.
I have been telling him for the last few weeks that I am taking them to a particular place. Anyway today when I was at work he text me to tell me that this friend is taking the dc's somewhere with her dc's. I asked all day where and he kept saying he didn't know. Must have asked 5 times throughout the day up until I was leaving work. I com home to find that he has let her take them where I was planning to to take them next week. We were really looking forward to it.
He claims he didn't know I was taking them. He claims he really didn't know she was taking them there till the last minute.
He had an affair a couple of years ago. I thought I'd got past this loss of trust. But I haven't.
I feel now like I felt then when I suspected the affair.
He seems to have boundary issues with women. I think this stems from his excuse of a mother.
I feel useless, worthless and pushed aside. I feel like I am sharing my children.
Due to what happened in the past (an apparent one off) and how I feel now. I feel I am clearly not enough. Like when ever he strikes up a friendship with a woman I mean nothing.
I've been thinking of the logistics of leaving him the last few days and especially today as I am livid he obviously deceived me and went behind my back today the way he did. We have a mortgage and the dc's are still quite young. I'm financially dependant on him although I paid the hefty deposit on the house. It will be messy it won't be pleasant. It never is I know.
I don't know what to do. I'm so upset with the whole situation.

[EweAreHere]

Only humans fight their natural instincts. Don't fight it. You know he's behaving in a dodgy manner and blowing you off over it like he did before.

Get some legal advice. You don't want to live this way. It will eat you up inside and believe me, your children will notice and feel that all is not right. Yes, it will be hard, but if you don't, you will be miserable.

[wishiwasntme]

Will you all still be going on that day out together on your day off that was mentioned on your other thread? How are you feeling? Hope you slept okay.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Am disgusted with him on your behalf :(

Just fucking horrible, to take away your projected treat for the DC and give it to this other woman - just shockingly mean. And to lie and lie about it, even in the face of your own DC reminding him!! What a fucker.

I'm sorry, OP, I know it sucks, but even if there hasn't been any affair/sexual contact between him and the other mum, he's treating you with a callous disregard that shows how little he cares about you and your feelings - this is no basis for a marriage, so get the shit-hot solicitor and sack him off. :(

[DontDeadOpenInside]

Oh OP, he's a shit.

[SandyY2K]

This isn't what marriage should be.

See a solicitor and find out what divorce looks like for you.

You deserve way better than him. He's gone wwwaaaayyyy too far with this. The other business was bad enough, but this tops it.

Especially as your DC reminded him. A blatant disregard for your feelings.

[MaryMargaret]

You're unlikely ever to feel secure again in this marriage, are you? So sorry this is happening

[meck]

Of course it will be messy, but you will feel happier and more secure.

[bluebeck]

See a solicitor, get lawyered up, then get rid of him. He is taking the piss.

[MatrixReloaded]

I'd be very concerned about this recent development. It sounds like he's very concerned and invested in this woman having a relationship with your children. He's possibly priming her for step mum.

[Missgraeme]

Personally I would make him delete her number. Everyone is entitled to friends but not ones that are jeopardising a marriage. If he won't stop contact then u need to make him leave. . U must assume he isn't committed to your marriage and life together anymore.

[Marmalade85]

My dad was like this. Had many female friends that were 'like sisters' and my mum put up with it. Men cannot have female friends. Get rid.

[HouseworkIsASin10]

It sounds like he is willing to sacrifice his marriage for a bit of fun, and you seem to be standing in his way. That's why you are getting the silent treatment. It's like he's got blinkers on, not even thinking of you at all.
That's no way to live. You deserve better.

[temporarilyjerry]

Your instincts have proved to be sharp so don't let him make you feel that you are paranoid.

[SouthWindsWesterly]

Oh dear! Is this Disney dad when the mother around the corner is around? Sack him. The trust has gone and he refuses to see it from your view. You need a Rottweiler lawyer - you're better than this and both you and your children deserve better.

[temporarilyjerry]

I found this thread after reading your other thread and am sorry to hear the change in your tone. You sound so sad. This situation does not reflect on you at all. He is a cheat and a liar.

What should you do? Get your ducks in a row and make it clear that you will not forgive again.

[ConkersDontScareSpiders]

Ok, not on!

[ConkersDontScareSpiders]

I think you need to say to him that what he's done re this woman is making you feel massively uncomfortable and the fact that he hasn't even bothered to see if you are on makes you feel sad for the state of your marriage. Tell him you want it to be better and ask him, honestly, if he does?
Better to know I think what he is thinking. You can't carry on like this. He's putting you in a terrible place here op.

[NoFanJoe]

You sound so terribly worn down by it all. I don't see that he's likely to change when he's not listening to you. That pretending it's all a misunderstanding is just so much nonsense as I'm sure you know. It's his way of shutting you up and putting you back in your box so he can carry on as he wants. Whether it's the final straw only you can say.

[hollyisalovelyname]

OP I'm sorry to read that you were right to be suspicious.
Ba**ard.
I just don't understand men who think with their .... instead of their brain and are willing to lose their wife and children for a bit on the side.
Was it worth it I'd love to ask them at the end of their lives.
And as for women who get involved with married men, knowingly...... grrrrr.
So much heartache for innocents.

[orangesoda]

What do I do now. Where do I go from here?

[hollyisalovelyname]

OP I'm sorry to read that you were right to be suspicious.
Ba**ard.
I just don't understand men who think with their .... instead of their brain and are willing to lose their wife and children for a bit on the side.
Was it worth it I'd love to ask them at the end of their lives.
And as for women who get involved with married men, knowingly...... grrrrr.
So much heartache for innocents.

[orangesoda]

I do know the mother Tipsy. Clears not as well he does.
He had the affair years ago. Not with her. We didn't know her then.
Th similarities in his behaviour when he had the affair and now are scarily similar. And he doesn't even seem to be trying to hide it. He hasn't even tried to reassure me once. He's just ignoring me.

I'm not sure either badger. You're probably right 😕

[TheHoneyBadger]

I've seen both of your threads. Sorry OP but he sounds awful to me. The whole grouchy crap dad, can't afford a trip, thing in contrast to being superdaddy when she is there as an audience and oh so keen to go on a trip when it involves her is awful.

I'm not clear what you are getting from this relationship other than avoiding the discomfort of splitting up?

[tipsytrifle]

Apologies if I'm being dense but do you know this mother? Is she the one H had an affair/experience with? It was shitty of him to send DC off with someone else like that on a trip you had already planned. It's also clear, as others have said, that he is way off-key regarding his relationship with you.

[Cagliostro]

sorry it turned out like this :(