How should I divide up bills with partner?

[Kukoo]

So DP and I live together with my 3 DC (4 nights a week) and his DD (1 might one week, 2 nights the next).

Should the bills/mortgage be divided by 3 (me, my DC and DP - me paying for myself and my DC) or 50/50?

He doesn't think his DD should come into it as she's not here often enough.

[DollyBarton]

I'd say 50:50.

[Cabrinha]

Do you not think the time to agree this was
(a) before you let him move in and
(b) before you decided to have a baby together?

This child of his that only stays one night a week - interesting that she doesn't count for mortgage share, but he tries to insist she has her own room...

It's impossible to say what the split should be, without the financial details of both of you.

You say you're a SAHM with suggestions no earnings. Yet you're buying a 5 bedroom house with only you on the mortgage.

If you're truly in a partnership with this man (and you shouldn't me moving him in and having a baby if you're not) then the fair way to do it is to add all your joint income together, pay all mortgage and bills, and then halve the remaining money between you. Slightly more complicated is how you decide to pay for your 3 children and his maintenance for his 1. But the principle is a start point: all in it together.

However, if he's contributing to your mortgage but not gaining a share in equity that could be seen as unfair. Be careful that he doesn't acquire an interest in your property if he substantially contributes - speak to a solicitor.

[Whenwillthisphaseend]

How did you pay the mortgage if your a full time mum?

[Obliviated]

Dp moved in with me and my DC. He works FT and I'm a SAHM

He pays the entire rent straight from his wages. It's £800. He gets paid about £1200 a month. He then pays £100ish for a train/bus pass, and £30 for his mobile phone. He buys lunches for work, the occasional meal/drink after work, and picks up stuff from the shop on his way home with the rest. He has his own bank account that his wages go in to.

Everything else goes into my account, CTC, WTC, CB etc. From that I pay the bills and do the food shopping.

My DC have never come into the equation.

[SandyY2K]

Re the mortgage.

It is your house.

If you split up, you want to be sure your children have a home and not your DP trying to make a claim on it because he paid half the mortgage. Your house is your asset. Guard it safely.

I echo the fact that these discussions are taking place a bit too late.

[HeddaGarbled]

If you pay 75% of the costs while he only pays 25% despite him being the major earner, he will have loads of money left over while you are just scraping by. That's not right or fair.

If he makes a contribution to your mortgage, he will have a claim on your house if you split up. That's worrying.

I think you may have made a massive error of judgement with this one. The fact that he's quibbling about paying for his daughter does not suggest that this is a man who wants to do right by you and make your life easier.

Is it too late to rethink the whole living together thing? No man is worth fucking up your and your children's future financial security.

[Kr1stina]

Situations like this can be really difficult for women with kids, because it messes up their benefits . The guy who moves in wants to treat it like a flat mate situation , where they only pay an equal share of all the bills and she pays for herself and her kids .

However they want more than just a flat mate, they want sex and domestic services and emotional labour.

But the govennment ( understandably ) sees them as living like hisband and wife and sharing costs like one household, not two flat mates - one with low income and kids and the other with high income and no kids .

So I can't see how it will work for you to live together, unless you do it as one household and you protect the asset that is your house .

Or your live seperately and date , with only the odd sleepover .