How should I divide up bills with partner?

[Kukoo]

So DP and I live together with my 3 DC (4 nights a week) and his DD (1 might one week, 2 nights the next).

Should the bills/mortgage be divided by 3 (me, my DC and DP - me paying for myself and my DC) or 50/50?

He doesn't think his DD should come into it as she's not here often enough.

[Kr1stina]

Situations like this can be really difficult for women with kids, because it messes up their benefits . The guy who moves in wants to treat it like a flat mate situation , where they only pay an equal share of all the bills and she pays for herself and her kids .

However they want more than just a flat mate, they want sex and domestic services and emotional labour.

But the govennment ( understandably ) sees them as living like hisband and wife and sharing costs like one household, not two flat mates - one with low income and kids and the other with high income and no kids .

So I can't see how it will work for you to live together, unless you do it as one household and you protect the asset that is your house .

Or your live seperately and date , with only the odd sleepover .

[HeddaGarbled]

If you pay 75% of the costs while he only pays 25% despite him being the major earner, he will have loads of money left over while you are just scraping by. That's not right or fair.

If he makes a contribution to your mortgage, he will have a claim on your house if you split up. That's worrying.

I think you may have made a massive error of judgement with this one. The fact that he's quibbling about paying for his daughter does not suggest that this is a man who wants to do right by you and make your life easier.

Is it too late to rethink the whole living together thing? No man is worth fucking up your and your children's future financial security.

[SandyY2K]

Re the mortgage.

It is your house.

If you split up, you want to be sure your children have a home and not your DP trying to make a claim on it because he paid half the mortgage. Your house is your asset. Guard it safely.

I echo the fact that these discussions are taking place a bit too late.

[Obliviated]

Dp moved in with me and my DC. He works FT and I'm a SAHM

He pays the entire rent straight from his wages. It's £800. He gets paid about £1200 a month. He then pays £100ish for a train/bus pass, and £30 for his mobile phone. He buys lunches for work, the occasional meal/drink after work, and picks up stuff from the shop on his way home with the rest. He has his own bank account that his wages go in to.

Everything else goes into my account, CTC, WTC, CB etc. From that I pay the bills and do the food shopping.

My DC have never come into the equation.

[Whenwillthisphaseend]

How did you pay the mortgage if your a full time mum?

[Cabrinha]

Do you not think the time to agree this was
(a) before you let him move in and
(b) before you decided to have a baby together?

This child of his that only stays one night a week - interesting that she doesn't count for mortgage share, but he tries to insist she has her own room...

It's impossible to say what the split should be, without the financial details of both of you.

You say you're a SAHM with suggestions no earnings. Yet you're buying a 5 bedroom house with only you on the mortgage.

If you're truly in a partnership with this man (and you shouldn't me moving him in and having a baby if you're not) then the fair way to do it is to add all your joint income together, pay all mortgage and bills, and then halve the remaining money between you. Slightly more complicated is how you decide to pay for your 3 children and his maintenance for his 1. But the principle is a start point: all in it together.

However, if he's contributing to your mortgage but not gaining a share in equity that could be seen as unfair. Be careful that he doesn't acquire an interest in your property if he substantially contributes - speak to a solicitor.

[DollyBarton]

I'd say 50:50.

[LesisMiserable]

OP, what's the full picture please?

[sadie9]

If he contributes to the mortgage he might have a legal entitlement to some of the value of the house. What would happen then if you split up in 3yrs time? You could speak to someone in Citizens Advice centre and find out about the Mortgage part of it. You have 3 kids and no other income so you need that house to be yours outright no matter what happens, with no one else being able to have a claim on it.
It doesn't sound like you are living together very long. So best to get good advice now before stuff gets agreed.

[LewisAndClark]

How are you supposed to pay half the bills on £55 a week?

[ChicRock]

I wouldn't pay towards any mortgage that didn't have my name on it.

How were you paying it before he moved in?

[ImperialBlether]

So you own the house but there's a mortgage on it? How is that being paid for now and how was it paid for before he moved in?

What is his suggestion?

Are you worse off yourself now that he's moved in, in terms of tax credits etc?

Do you share any children?

[Kr1stina]

Are their any legal issues from allowing him to pay towards the mortgage ?

And did you lose benefits when he moved in ? What about coucil tax ?

[Mooey89]

My DP has recently moved in with me and DS.

I earn a bit more than him, DS is not his.
DS is still in nursery so I have a nursery bill of nearly 1k which is by far the biggest expense.

I also have rent - 725, council tax, bills, Internet, food.

I lost £400 in TC when he moved in.

He pays 525 and then I do the rest. That's way more than half rent and a decent contribution to bills. I didn't want full blown 50/50 because it didn't feel fair.

I think there are lots of variables to consider

[Paniniswapx3]

Why would you split the mortgage anything other than 50/50? It doesn't go up or down depending on the number of children living there.

[Kukoo]

What about if we spilt bills 50/50 then mortgage into 3?

[Twatting]

If you're going to live together you're all a family. None of this my child is here X amount of time. Ignore the children they are now your joint responsibility 50/50 for adults

I earn less than dp and my child isn't his. He pays big bills (mortgage, utilities and his own direct debits) and I pay council tax, tv license, food, treats my own direct debits like phone and car.

[Kukoo]

We get £55 working tax credits a week which are for 'me'.

[Paniniswapx3]

I'd say 50/50 on bills & potentially food is the only thing you pay extra for as you're feeding 4 mouths whereas he's only feeding 1 ( or 2 occasionally with his DD).

The bills re electric, gas, rent, TV, council tax etc don't change because of the children ( their impact would be minimal) - food is the only variable that I can see.

[Kukoo]

We go 50/50 on food shopping

[Kukoo]

We get working tax credits and child tax credits so I will have to pay my share out of that. I own the house so have money in equity but obviously it's all tied up.

[rosy71]

Don't live with someone & be a SAHM unless you have another income.