Unreasonable behaviour from DH

[poppygolightly]

This week my fridge freezer has broken so I've been buying food every night for immediate consumption. I came back from the supermarket last night with a meal for the four of us and some milk. In front of my children aged 8 and 10 my husband called me a fucking bitch for not getting any butter and then stormed out of the house. 2 hours later he came home and went straight to bed ignoring me. This morning he has left early without speaking to me even though we were both in the kitchen.
What the hell is going on and what should I do? He didn't ask me for butter and had been at home all day so if he really needed some could have got some. I cannot forgive him for swearing at me in front of the children over something so petty and I had to pull up my 10 year old son for being abusive as he didn't like his dinner as well as speak to my kids about daddy using words we should never say.

So your son has had 10 years of witnessing Daddy being a dick and Mummy putting up with it? No wonder he thinks it's normal.

Your 8 year old girl is watching and learning too.

Question is, do you want them to keep learning, into their teenage years?

Do you want your son to call his first girlfriend a fucking bitch?

Well I got home from work / school run at 5pm and he is still not speaking to me! We have all eaten dinner together ( trying to keep things ok for the kids) and now he's gone for a walk with the dog.

So much for expecting an apology when I got home!

An apology isn't going to fix this . Why the exclamation mark? It's a dreadful situation that you need to sort out.

I guess I thought an apology would be a starting point for a discussion but it looks like that's not going to happen.

This is abusive pure and simple
Please think carefully about what your children are witnessing
What difference would an apology make really? His behaviour is awful

What a colossal arse. I am so sorry for you. This is absolutely not acceptable.

I just don't know how to move on from here or where. We've been together for 23 years and it gradually got worse. But I don't know anyone who's been in this situation so i don't know what to do next.

Maybe post in the relationships section for more practical advice.

First things first though... Do you love him and do you think the relationship is worth saving?

At this moment no I don't love him, but we have 2 kids and a lot of history.

A lot of history, a fair bit of which you and the kids could do without.

Unfortunately you need to park the history for a minute and think about what future you want.

One with a husband who doesn't value or respect you and is abusive to you in front of your children? Or one without this in your life?

Seriously, do you think things will improve with him? There's the old MN saying of "when someone tells you who they are, listen" which I think applies here...

I like it!

He has stormed out of the house with the dog so when he reappears I'm hoping we can talk. The kids are getting ready for bed so we will have some privacy.

Even if he said he was sorry, it would be meaningless because no one who had any respect at all for you could talk to you like that and make such a big deal over half a pound of sodding butter.

And, without wanting to sound corny, you might have a lot of history, but you don't have any future.

I don't believe it he's just posted on fb that he's in the pub drinking to celebrate Friday - wtf!

Maybe it's time to sit down and have a frank discussion with him once the kids are in bed tonight.

Spell it out- last nights behaviour is not acceptable and if he carrys on then the marriage is over.

You should post that you're drinking to celebrate the end of your marriage to a complete selfish arse

Sounds like he's checked out of the relationship. Sorry, OP

Really, OP? You really want to live your life like this?

That's ridiculous behaviour, and absolutely not acceptable. Doubly so with the children there.

He needs telling, sort your mouth out or get gone. And I'd be serving him nothing but a block of butter for every meal from now until the end of time.

Absolutely unacceptable behaviour - do you really want to live like this OP and have your children witness his abusive behaviour?

I'd be half tempted put on FB that he'd better be finding himself a B&B at which to stay the night.

Then buy butter and put a piece into each of his shoes.

He's not apologised so I think you need to directly approach him, not aggressively ideally. If he responds aggressively, or doesn't deal with the issue I think you should explain this isn't acceptable to you and ask him to make alternative arrangements to stay elsewhere while you decide whether you want to make the situation permanent. if you let it blow over, it will happen again and again

Don't put anything on FB, OP, it won't help!

And maybe don't instigate a conversation after he's been drinking. What kind of a drunk is he? It's easy for us to coach you from our armchairs, but we won't be there if he turns nasty.

Start thinking about your options.

That's why I said half tempted, Repent

I'd probably still put butter in the twat's shoes, mind.

But who's to say he's really in the pub. Or that he just passed by the pub , checked in on FB and has swanned off elsewhere.

Has he tied the dog to a pole while he's drinking? Can't be much fun for the dog. Or is the dog at someone else's house.

The longer he stays 'angry with you', the more time he gets to stay out. Now being cynical, it's normally hard to get weekend time with an OW.

That's classic behaviour of a cheater, but the bigger problem is how he speaks to you.

If you've previously not issued him with a consequence for speaking to you this way, he'll think he can do it again and
now he has.

When something doesn't add up, like his behaviour you look at what the reasons could be.

So I see that you have one or more of the following:

● An abuser
● A man with an anger management problem
● A cheater looking for an excuse to get out
● A husband who is incapable of respect
● A husband who is a poor role model as a father