Unreasonable behaviour from DH

[poppygolightly]

This week my fridge freezer has broken so I've been buying food every night for immediate consumption. I came back from the supermarket last night with a meal for the four of us and some milk. In front of my children aged 8 and 10 my husband called me a fucking bitch for not getting any butter and then stormed out of the house. 2 hours later he came home and went straight to bed ignoring me. This morning he has left early without speaking to me even though we were both in the kitchen.
What the hell is going on and what should I do? He didn't ask me for butter and had been at home all day so if he really needed some could have got some. I cannot forgive him for swearing at me in front of the children over something so petty and I had to pull up my 10 year old son for being abusive as he didn't like his dinner as well as speak to my kids about daddy using words we should never say.

[EstellaHavisham]

Only read the OP but my first thought is that when my XH was shagging his OW he used to do stuff like this all the time. Pick fights so he had an excuse to justify his shitty behaviour....I hope I am wrong though.

[tofutti]

Agree with others. Don't let this blow over.

23 years is a lot of history, but the rest of your life is even longer, to be spent with someone who doesn't respect you and treats you like his emotional punching bag.

[MilesHuntsWig]

Hope you're ok OP

[2ManySweets]

Hello OP, hope all's well and that your DH has disengaged his head from his arse. Let us know you're ok.

[SandyY2K]

But who's to say he's really in the pub. Or that he just passed by the pub , checked in on FB and has swanned off elsewhere.

Has he tied the dog to a pole while he's drinking? Can't be much fun for the dog. Or is the dog at someone else's house.

The longer he stays 'angry with you', the more time he gets to stay out. Now being cynical, it's normally hard to get weekend time with an OW.

That's classic behaviour of a cheater, but the bigger problem is how he speaks to you.

If you've previously not issued him with a consequence for speaking to you this way, he'll think he can do it again and
now he has.

When something doesn't add up, like his behaviour you look at what the reasons could be.

So I see that you have one or more of the following:

● An abuser
● A man with an anger management problem
● A cheater looking for an excuse to get out
● A husband who is incapable of respect
● A husband who is a poor role model as a father

[StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine]

That's why I said half tempted, Repent

I'd probably still put butter in the twat's shoes, mind.

[RepentAtLeisure]

Don't put anything on FB, OP, it won't help!

And maybe don't instigate a conversation after he's been drinking. What kind of a drunk is he? It's easy for us to coach you from our armchairs, but we won't be there if he turns nasty.

Start thinking about your options.

[camtt]

He's not apologised so I think you need to directly approach him, not aggressively ideally. If he responds aggressively, or doesn't deal with the issue I think you should explain this isn't acceptable to you and ask him to make alternative arrangements to stay elsewhere while you decide whether you want to make the situation permanent. if you let it blow over, it will happen again and again

[StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine]

I'd be half tempted put on FB that he'd better be finding himself a B&B at which to stay the night.

Then buy butter and put a piece into each of his shoes.

[Thelaundrylady]

Absolutely unacceptable behaviour - do you really want to live like this OP and have your children witness his abusive behaviour?

[TheWeeBabySeamus1]

That's ridiculous behaviour, and absolutely not acceptable. Doubly so with the children there.

He needs telling, sort your mouth out or get gone. And I'd be serving him nothing but a block of butter for every meal from now until the end of time.

[Lookatyourwatchnow]

Really, OP? You really want to live your life like this?

[OTheHugeManatee]

Sounds like he's checked out of the relationship. Sorry, OP

[MilesHuntsWig]

You should post that you're drinking to celebrate the end of your marriage to a complete selfish arse

[SpongeCakeBigPants]

Maybe it's time to sit down and have a frank discussion with him once the kids are in bed tonight.

Spell it out- last nights behaviour is not acceptable and if he carrys on then the marriage is over.

[poppygolightly]

I don't believe it he's just posted on fb that he's in the pub drinking to celebrate Friday - wtf!

[StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine]

Even if he said he was sorry, it would be meaningless because no one who had any respect at all for you could talk to you like that and make such a big deal over half a pound of sodding butter.

And, without wanting to sound corny, you might have a lot of history, but you don't have any future.

[poppygolightly]

I like it!

He has stormed out of the house with the dog so when he reappears I'm hoping we can talk. The kids are getting ready for bed so we will have some privacy.

[MilesHuntsWig]

Unfortunately you need to park the history for a minute and think about what future you want.

One with a husband who doesn't value or respect you and is abusive to you in front of your children? Or one without this in your life?

Seriously, do you think things will improve with him? There's the old MN saying of "when someone tells you who they are, listen" which I think applies here...

[Footle]

A lot of history, a fair bit of which you and the kids could do without.

[poppygolightly]

At this moment no I don't love him, but we have 2 kids and a lot of history.

[MilesHuntsWig]

Maybe post in the relationships section for more practical advice.

First things first though... Do you love him and do you think the relationship is worth saving?

[poppygolightly]

I just don't know how to move on from here or where. We've been together for 23 years and it gradually got worse. But I don't know anyone who's been in this situation so i don't know what to do next.