Ghosted by ex...now he wants me back, what do I do?

[NewbieElizabeth]

I would really appreciate any thoughts on this!

November 2014 I met a man through a temporary job I had. Met on a night out, swapped numbers, I told him my plan was to move abroad for a year and was looking for a job. He didn't seem bothered by this, texted me a lot and flirted. I got my job abroad and I told him, he arranges to meet the night before I move.

The day comes, and I text him. He never replied, and the next day I moved. I was pretty upset, and wondered what had happened, but got on with my life.

May 2015 out of the blue he contacted me. It turned out he had stopped all contact because....he got a huge spot near his lip that day and didn't want to kiss me or for me to see it

Because of the way we lost contact, I have always wondered what could have been. Now, I'm back in the UK for good within a few weeks and he has said he wants to give it a go.

My instincts say no way he cannot be trusted but a small part of me wonders....Is this a bad idea?

Thank you for reading!

[Montane50]

It must have been the mother of all spots to take 6 months to go!
Seriously though, if he was so vane that a spot stopped him from seeing you one last time before you left, why didn't he just fib and say he couldn't come to see you as it would be too upsetting etc? That would have been believable. But to wait 6 months before an explanation was given? Nah hes on a booty call op

[MonkeysWAGMug]

No. Ghosting is a shitty twattish cowardly thing to do. The only circumstances it can be justified is if there's abuse in the relationship.
If he had cared about you he would never have done that.
Now he thinks you're the one that got away? fuck that.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

He's a pillock. Ghost him back

[Anicechocolatecake]

Don't meet him. It takes so little effort to text to cancel a date and he couldn't bring himself to do it. At best it was cowardly, at worst it was pretty horrible. It's not a nice way to drop someone. You don't do that if you value their feelings. He'd mess you around at sone point. It might take him months to do so or much less time. Don't risk it

[SandyY2K]

What a pathetic excuse he came up with. I'd not waste time with a prat who didn't even have the common decency to respond to you.

He could have said he came down with a stinking cold or something better.

Forget him.

[NewbieElizabeth]

My OP isn't as clear as it should be, I edited it to make it shorter and removed some important details.

Oct 2014 - ghosted me

May 2015 - got in touch, told me the spot story, we talked and had the odd chat until now

Now - probably a month ago he asked 'you still moving back to UK? Are you moving back for good?

Thing is, I did like him, I was very hurt he disappeared, and for the past year I have let myself imagine us being together.

But my gut tells me he let me down, ran away, didn't care enough to take the time to text me to say he could not meet, let me wonder for months, and then got back in touch when it suited him. So I cant be with someone like that. I thought I might be overreacting but I don't know, was interested in how other people would have reacted to it and whether he would get another chance

[Jemmima]

So you have been in touch casually over the last year or so anyway. I thought from what you said that he had just got back in touch when you moved back. Makes things slightly different then doesnt it?

[Jemmima]

O sorry, I hadnt read properly.
What do you feel in your gut? What do you want to do?

[NewbieElizabeth]

No we didn't have sex, I didn't see him the night before I left.

He got back in touch in May 2015 and we have spoken for the past year, not as a couple at all, just casually via Facebook messaging. He has always known I was moving back this July, he just messaged me to ask if I was still moving back and I said yes.

[user1467042399]

How old are you both?

[Jemmima]

Did you contact him to say you were back? How did he know?

[Jemmima]

Did you have sex the night before you left?

[NewbieElizabeth]

I get the sexual drought comments.

I'm not 100% sure that's it, simply because we have spoken for over a year with me not being in the UK so it isn't the easiest lead up in his eyes! Not sure he would bother...

However, whatever he wants from me, I was clearly not worth so much as a text message in his eyes and I think this speaks about what kind of future we would have

[handslikecowstits]

Sounds as though he is on a sexual drought atm and is going through his little black book

Yup. Booty call.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

A spot! Dumbest excuse ever.

Just ignore him and stop thinking "What if?" and start thinking, "Thank fuck I got rid of that twat"

[NewbieElizabeth]

Thanks Fairy - probably the crux of the issue

Thanks all for your comments

[EarthboundMisfit]

Yeah steer well clear.

[FairyDogMother11]

I'd like to hope you want better for yourself than that. Leave him behind and move forward on to someone who actually is worth your time!

[NewbieElizabeth]

I need to check my posts too, missed out half the info needed

It looks like I might be right to follow my instincts to stay away though...pretty unanimous

[Lookatyourwatchnow]

No OP!

[Whocansay]

and fancies a shag! Need to check before posting!

[Whocansay]

Even if you take his reason at face value, it makes him a complete, shallow idiot. Why bother?

He's heard you're coming back an fancies a shag, imho. I'd tell him to do one personally.

[NewbieElizabeth]

Isetan that made me laugh. A flipping spot wouldn't stop me if I really wanted to see someone what's for sure